Killed walking your doggie!

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock.  Day rant.  Not a speed version.  Let’s turn and burn.

EMAIL: mark_filler@hotmail.com

TWITTER: @Mark_Filler

CO-BLOGGER TWITTER: @gaberoyal

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1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat, because I write hooks, and they are a part of a fishing rod).  Full list next to me, on my couch, and my gut feeling is that you are tuning in for a very special rant.  Think about it.  Pops, Pittsburgh lost by a lot, Sunday afternoon, all of my pre work stuff done for tomorrow at 3pm.    This will be fun.  Note to my friends.  If I know you, you will probably be called out for good or bad.  If there is a problem with that, than get your own blog and send me the link.  (deep breath)
2. JJ.  Pops.
3. I keep having to set my alarm during football games that baseball is also going on.
4. Are the Royals just the team of destiny right now? Should I just plug in Hoosiers to feel good (#1 non sports theme nominee)?  
5. I am not sure if I can turn off the TV if Enemy of the State is on TV even if I am tired or the DVD is sitting right next to the TV. Fantastic movie.  
6. We will get to Gone Girl in a little bit. I am still brewing up my hatred/ sarcasm.
7. Well, I sent my bets to my person, I am supposed to rank them (which I hate doing), and guess what happened? I lost #1, and won #2 through #6.  I went 6 for 7.  I might need to get back in the ring.  What do you think, Mr. Royal?  I come out of retirement for college, and just take your best three bets of the day in NFL since you want to quit the Army and just go to Vegas anyway?
8. I changed my starting QB from Kaepernick to Brady ten minutes before game time. Good call.  FOUR TD’s.  
9. Lindsey is explaining it to me which doesn’t make it any better, but the whole Sayreville football team assault story I could go without reading again. Digital anal penetration?  Doesn’t sound good.  I don’t remember a Bon Jovi song about anal penetration.  
10. I would really, really like to have an Australian accent.  
11. I have decided to just litter this rant with the random shout outs. Be warned.
12. Welcome, Tony (guy I just met at the bar who worked for the NFL). Like I said, it is like Seinfeld, Bill Simmons, and Jim Rome all having beers together.  Welcome, also, Lizzy (Tony’s sidekick).  She started Kirk Cousins over Joe Flacco in fantasy football.  You four should have just created our own table section right by my bar stool.
13. If my invention, the TriPod was in motion, we could have just used that. Don’t comment, Ben.  You and Lindsey are the only people who know that million dollar idea.
14. With all of the technology we have, how has Twitter stayed at 140 characters? Shouldn’t we be at 160 or so?
15. I won a square pool. Free entry.  $25.00.  Push for what I spent today.    If you gamble, you love pushes.
16. When did wide receivers stop dragging their feet?
17. When did teams stop jumping over the line at 1^st and goal at the 1 yard line?  
18. Note to the Jets. When Peyton Manning looks like he attended a bloody mary party before the game, you should still not give him too many chances.
19. Hug for people playing against Flacco in fantasy this week.
20. Hug for people who didn’t start him.
21. I might now volunteer, but paying someone’s toll behind you or paying $10 for the gay guy people in line who couldn’t afford a big package of meat feels good.  I do those things.
22. Ben, Cleveland fan, just texted me.   Don’t get all high and mighty.  You beat a bad team today.
23. The bad team is my team….the Steelers.
24. I love Ben. Once again, listening to him and I talk sports should be recorded, and sold.
25. Cerk, stop putting on Facebook that you are having fun in Aspen, my favorite town. I will literally drive the 2.5 hours to Aspen just to punch you in the face.  
26. Lovingly of course.
27. At one point, the Steelers were down 14-3 and the Browns were still at negative yardage.
28. Someone tell the Steelers returner to not run it out of the end zone when he is eight yards deep.
29. I would say the redeeming factor in today’s ass whipping is that when they showed sky shots of Cleveland’s stadium, I could say I walked all around that thing on a trip.
30. And why the HELL does the rock and roll hall of fame close at five???? Rock and ROLL.  5pm?  
31. For the millionth time, can the NFL make the pass interference call a 15 yard penalty instead of a spot penalty?
32. Thanks, Ben (bartender). He is right, and I never thought about it.  Le’Veon Bell  lighter DOES run like Terrell Davis.  Shame the rest of the team sucks.
33. I have no idea how I came to love it, but I love the song Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.  
34. How aren’t there more good FG kickers and punters in the world? Sure, they are teased, but they have a niche that CAN’T be ignored.  Once again, I will not have a son, but if I did, I would make him a punter.  $250,000 a year guaranteed.
35. I almost fell on the floor when Funky Cold Medina was playing today and I asked what classic movie Tone Loc was in and my woman responded after 1.3 seconds “Heat.” What a woman.  
36. Could be the greatest movie ever so you know.
37. You can die by walking your doggie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPBJdg743cw
38. Heat in contention for non sports theme now.
39. I don’t want to MOVE to Mississippi, but can’t be a bad place to live this last week or two. Ole Miss and Mississippi State #1 and #2?  Maybe?
40. I remember living there. I remember the water being blue as opposed to green New Jersey ocean water.  
41. How the San Francisco Giants keep winning is beyond my mental capability but makes me feel warm and fuzzy about being a TEAM.
42. My boss thinks that this Seattle-Dallas game is over, and I sent him this video as a precaution. We will not go quietly into the night.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1Z1mGZvnbg  
43. Most of us normal people don’t watch NASCAR. Let’s be real.  But, this is kind of cool.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP-vPrEIq14
44. Lindsey just asked me why they fought. I said “racing things.”
45. I am still saving up my Gone Girl lash out. Building up.  It will be vicious.  Hang with me.  It was the best worst movie I have ever seen.  Or the worst best movie I have ever seen.  
46. So, depending on WHEN you bet, I was right on the Zona-USC bet. It ended at 1.5.  I said I was good with 3.  I am so good.  Lost by two.
47. Just read Deadspin.  I could write an entire blog with just Deadspin links.
48. Logan, where do you live? Portland?  I wanna come visit.
49. Mr. Royal, can you really quit the Army and go to Vegas? I am not sure how that would work out.  Plus, Lindsey and I are interested in coming to Savannah.  Isn’t that where Bagger Vance was filmed?  Maybe you can swing Matt Damon in our visit.  
50. The only thing worse than the Steelers getting destroyed by the Browns at 11am is the Broncos winning at the same time.  The fans were ok today.  Maybe that is because I wouldn’t talk to anyone.
51. So, I am destroying the person in the fantasy league where I am third to last and losing the game even with Arian Foster in the league where I am in contention. I need a flow chart.  
52. (Building up anger about Gone Girl)
53. There is a new Hunger Games coming out soon? Lindsey actually asked me if I saw the second one.    I believe I went to see it WITH her.  I have read all the books, seen both movies thus far, and am ALL about this shit.  
54. Eating cheese at La Fondue is amazing. Waiting to get served at the happy hour bar is 10 minutes of my life wasted.  I almost leave every time, but Lindsey wants cheese and our in is a chick named Elicia, who takes us even if her section is like a mile away.  You rock. Elicia.  I might have a backwards hat and cargo shorts, but I am ex-industry and tip 30%.  Don’t judge, youngsters.
55. By the way, Waiting is the greatest movie of all time for people wondering how you shouldn’t piss off your servers.  
56. (non sports topic possibility #3)
57. There is an ex-USC receiver who got busted for domestic assault, but he didn’t have enough catches to make my football domestic abuse flow chart.
58. I really like flow charts.
59. Read my downtrodden football mini blog from earlier this week. I think I wrote some solid stuff.
60. There HAS to be a joke about Jameis Winston, assaulting chicks, and whoever makes their schedule.
61. I was making a joke about being “easy.”  
62. Just a joke-don’t get irate, sensitive people. Get your own blog, or stop reading mine.
63. I have no idea why, but it gives me SUCH a high finding a typo on the main page of a major website. Good job, CNNSI.   
64. I wanted to make a joke about the Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial, but I am overloaded. Have you seen this ridiculous bull commercial?  It makes “him driving a Lincoln before he was paid to do it” even more ridiculous.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoGGDKV88Fg  
65. Candyland is closed. Not sure where I am going from here.  If I can’t box, what am I to do?
66. OU didn’t look great in beating Texas, but it IS a rivalry game, and therefore it is closer by nature. They won, and still control their own destiny with K State, Baylor, and Oklahoma State still on the docket.  Take a deep breath, Lindsey, and try to look better than you did vs. Texas.
67. I am glad I am retired from betting, but in my 41 years, I believe that the UGA bet minus Todd Gurley might have been the easiest bet in the history of the world.
68. Rick Carlisle says that Chandler Parsons reporting heavier is out of line.   You get a ring like 6 years ago, and you can tell players how much weight they can or can’t gain?  Concentrate on reducing Dirk’s age, bro.
69. I am a BIG Parsons fan and think he should have been drafted 10 spots sooner.  
70. I am testing something. Cashman says that he might try A-Rod at first base.
71. Test complete.  I didn’t totally throw up when I typed A-Rod in any respect.
72. I still hate him SO much.
73. I was watching Gone Girl during the 24 point comeback by Baylor, making me want to lash out at the movie even more than I wanted to. It is coming.
74. I hated Auburn. Them, they sold me that no one can stop the run.  Then, they lose at Mississippi State.  I am in sales, and I got SOLD.  Here is the boiler room scene.  Click it.  Vin Diesel.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zakyg3thfY
75. Lindsey just told me one of her friends calls kids “f^&*” trophies. That is funny.
76. Maybe next week, the announcers on all networks will know the difference between Mississippi State and Ole Miss.   How am I not on TV?
77. Bob, your UCLA dream is now over. Losing at your crib to a team that is in the mix and has a Heisman contender will NOT get it done.
78. By the way, what the hell HAPPENED to Hundley? When did he suddenly start sucking?
79. Bama won close. Who cares?  Them, Oklahoma, and Michigan State control their own destiny…assuming these Mississippi teams at SOME point get the hell out of the way.  They won.  Auburn loss.  Good day for Bama.
80. Have I already mentioned the Royals might be like the ’86 Mets and a team of destiny? I think I already had a hook on this.  I will check during editing.
81. No I won’t.
82. They play in the East, so a fast start isn’t needed, but the Wizards losing Bradley Beal for a couple months is not optimal.
83. I think I am going to coin that line. How are you doing?  “Well, I am not optimal.”
84. I think I can refine it.
85. Stay with me, folks. Not dwindling at all.  Have one more column to do on my blog list.  Still energetic.  Still sarcastic.  Still mad about the Steelers loss.  Still strong.
86. I have never seen that Seth Rogan Zack-Miri-porno flick before last night. How did that happen?  Cheesy ending, and why again did I watch it last night on main TV so I don’t see any boobs and whatever else? (non sports option #4)  
87. Jeremy Hill. You are now my favorite football player.  Busting out the Ickey shuffle, which I have spent the better part of a week explaining to Lindsey.  http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/10/bengals-jeremy-hill-ickey-shuffle
88. How long has Life Alert’s tagline been “I have fallen, and I can’t get up,” and was that before or after SNL?  Confused.
89. Even though I got booted, I am curious why I didn’t keep any of my Navy attire for Halloween.  I could have solved like 15 years of dressing up problems.
90. Lindsey hates spiders. In our conversation about spiders last night, and me once again saying the Brown Recluse is the scariest thing on the face of earth, she let me know about the Camel Spider.  I have to admit.  I am still more scared of the Brown Recluse, but this thing IS pretty intimidating.  
91. Previews before the Gone Girl   Fury looks fanastic.  Exodus looks even better.  And I admit I didn’t know Stephen Hawking was still alive (movie coming out soon about him), and now I find the Family Guy jokes a little more rude.  Lindsey called me out on this.  You are right, babe.  He is not dead.  I thought he was dead when I watched War Games.  
92. People read my blog. Here is Detroit’s Ponto (colleague) response to me dissing the Golden tate response to coaches being carried off the field.  LOVE it.  Bring all responses.

    Golden Tate, or any/all of the Lions (particularly those who actually played with him last year) should have punched that asshole in the mouth.  The Lions are still paying him $5 million this year and next, and he has the audacity to mock Detroit with a Rudy-like stunt, as if it were the Super Bowl?!?!  Jim Schwartz is an asshole and this is consistent with the whole Jim Harbaugh handshake thing.

    There’s my commentary my friend…

93. I don’t have time today, but I have a brilliant idea for a $10 check from me if you can identify clues with readership, friends, stats, and history and then send me the winning acronym.  If Logan and Mr. Royal don’t get it, I assume I just drank too much vodka that night.  We can put this on the shelf with me making this entire blog about Hunger Games districts.
94. Todd Gurley is an idiot. A huge, million dollar possibility idiot.
95. The only good thing about Cleveland beating my boys is that we are more solidified that Johnny Football will not be making an appearance any time soon. Small victories.
96.   I just realized I am on #92.  I think I will have to give out a prize today.  Keep reading.
97. The cool thing about Pizza Fusion is that they hire homeless people to serve you. The uncool thing is that you feel like you are being served by irresponsible homeless people who forget your order.  Pizza was good.
98. I suppose I could look into this scared QB thing by the Eagles before the Giants game, but it sounds like a lot of effort.
99. BIG news.  Lindsey’s mom wants this to go VIRAL.  Dogs.  Water bottles.  Tell your friends.  http://youtu.be/nPSomS9i_iY
100. I tried, Debbie, and it is adorable.
101. Dallas just won at Seattle. I will admit I had NO idea Dallas had these kind of balls.  Speaking of balls, the greatest sales scene of all time outside of possibly Boiler Room.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kZg_ALxEz0
102. Someone remind me that Sixx AM is coming to the theater 1 block from my house on April 13, 2015. Can you do that?  Do I need to remind you who they are?  Motley Crue bassist who splintered off after kicking heroin.  Here is ONE sample.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoIMwDiFH4U
103. Clowney is “itchy” to play football. I am “itchy” to see if he plays exactly like Mr. Suh and stomps on people.
104. Kevin Durant says that he will not be give up guaranteed money in his contracts.   If I was the second best player in the world and making mounds of money during the collective bargaining agreement, I wouldn’t give any money back either.  I might not TALK about it, but I wouldn’t give it away either.
105. Bill Simmons is back. I am pretty sure Grantland was surviving fine without him.  Stay off the camera, Bill.  And respond to ONE of my freaking emails.    I am starting to dislike you.
106. I hate Cris Collinsworth’s voice.
107. I wish I had the energy to write about the MMA fighter who tweeted something while being arrested, but I have to save energy for the final Gone Girl hook.
108. It is true I asked Lindsey who some chicks named Kourtney and Khloe were.  I am not hip.  I think they are Kardashians or something.
109. Grocery shopping with a buzz on Friday was kind of fun.
110. I walked out with TWO bottles of Easy Cheese, which may or may not make it through the weekend.
111. Shout out to a new reader and colleague, Tor. First of all, killer name.  Second, he plays the cello or something else really cool.  Third, we played in the company band together for a couple years, where people who work 70 hours a week somehow tried to get together and practice for a performance.  Fourth, I would rank him as #4 smartest person in our company.  Tor, I would say Aaron, Shapiro, and Joseph would be ahead of you.  Don’t worry.  I rank myself #203.  Fifth, welcome.  Sorry about your loss that just occurred in the last ten minutes of my couch time.  Tor likes Seattle.
112. Klinsmann says Donovan has an OPEN DOOR. Stop talking about Landon, Klinsmann.  You left him in the states, you said he hasn’t done all he should, and let’s just say that if you lived in Denver, I might be interested in where you live.
113. Gone Girl? I have decided to not ruin it for you.  Great flick-painful ending.  Let me just say this.  This crazy chick makes Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct look like a pansy.  Email me if you want a personalized response in more detail. The flick will ruin relationships.  The only good thing about it is that it is the absolute antithesis of a happy movie.  I want to throw a brick through my OWN window.  That was funny.  Enjoy, and ping me after you have seen it.  Or ping me if you want a paragraph about how jacked up the movie is.
114. The Knick is still good and gory.  Clive is perfect for the role.  Watching episode #3 when I am done editing this.  I am done.  If you made it this far, you just need to email me and you get custom Fillerbuster mudflaps for your vehicle  Colors are black and gold, or blue and orange.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.