Halle is queen…until she gets too old.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Not an airplane rant. Semi-speed version.  Afternoon rant.  Let’s turn and burn.

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I shaved my head for the fight against children’s cancer.  You can still donate if you would and every penny counts.  https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/759142/2015

1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  I am in sensory overload for Selection Sunday, so although I have a good sized list, I gotta finish before the tourney selections.
2. Even before the UVA loss Friday, Lindsey knows I just want to be a two seed on the opposite side of the bracket as UK. Preferably in Villanova’s region.
3. Lindsey has decided to go out tonight for dinner, because once again NO one likes to be around me when the brackets are released. I have my own private party.  I have a Sharpie with two brackets on old school notebook paper.  One “real” bracket.  One UVA bracket, although this might be the year I cross the streams and they are the same.
4. People who have 10 brackets I want to punch in the face.
5. I do.
6. JJ, pops. Bottomless mimosas, because when I calculate how much it is for a shot and a beer and then compare that with how much bottomless mimosas are, it is a no brainer ESPECIALLY when I know one of us will be dropping out for the 130pm Badger game.
7. Betting.  I LOVE Wisconsin, but I will take 6 points and MSU for $20 in a HEARTbeat.
8. John is Lindsey’s brother from another mother, and my leading candidate for Truman Show II.  
9. He uses big words every five seconds, is fun, and at least he knows that a sports guy who was a political science major STILL doesn’t want to talk politics while drinking.
10. I wrote a blog way before someone paid me to blog.
11. I just saw the Lincoln commercial and had to write that.  
12. No, no one pays me to blog.
13. Tinder is for single people. The MUCH funner game I just invented (you too Lindsey) is called Kinder.  It is when you get your friend loopy, grab his phone, and then like and nope people FOR him.  Trust me.  It is fun.
14. Kindling wood.  Starting a fire… 
15. I just asked my mimosa buddy “how’s your day,” and he thought I was serious. I was just laughing about how I got 6 points and MSU in March.
16. During editing, I won’t change it, but painful to read.
17. Well, we have NFL kicker jokes galore, and glad the Georgia State coach doesn’t have to PLAY in the tourney.  
18. I think no one wants to play VCU, but people are forgetting about their injuries, and I don’t think they win TWO games without their hurt guys.
19. My Wisconsin guy didn’t know what Frank the Tank’s pet was named by the way. I won that one.  
20. April 12^th. Can’t WAIT.  
21. Westbrook only had a double double last night.  Slacker.  
22. Can you imagine how good SMU would be this year WITH the kid who is overseas right now?  
23. Blake Griffin is back, and I am sticking with my pick of the Clippers to win the whole thing.  Disjointed, and Jordan can’t shoot free throws, but I like the squad overall.  
24. I continue to wake up and, instead of saying I am hungry, I just play Hunger Strike.  
25. Hey, bracket people, I have a recommendation for you. Take your bracket, pick it, and then go back and look at the preseason top 20.  Any tough games you picked you can sort out by those rankings.  Trust me.
26. I hate Calipari. I hate UK.  BUT, I DO respect that they didn’t cut down the SEC nets after winning. I love even more during editing that he admitted that they simply forgot to cut them down.  I still hate him.
27. I am sad I just went to Crested Butte for the first time last week, and am pretty sure Bud Light won’t do Whatever USA at that location again. PLEASE????  I am not usually jnot late to a party, but I was this time.  
28. UK is averaging a point margin of 20 points. That is Dream Team 1992 shit.  Thomas still got screwed on that deal.  Third best PG of all time, and he didn’t make the freaking team.  Glad he has two rings, Larry and Michael.  
29. I wish I could tell you the story of John, kids, a trumpet, and St. Patty’s Day, but they pick teams in 45 minutes.
30. I have a new term. Pre-vow.  John is one of these guys.  That means you are a guy who breaks up with a chick and the next thing she does is get married.  I think this is positive.  You are the last person they hit before getting a ball and chain.
31. I have new appreciation for March Madness, as thanks to Lindsey’s dad’s symphony voice, I met the guy who wrote the March Madness theme.  
32. What do you mean, what theme?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhC5-uIJJWQ
33. John invented the term Quasi-Flirty.
34. I learned from my mom to buy my girl flowers for NO reason, and now I finally have progressed that learning (I am slow) to calling my mom NOT when it is a holiday or birthday. Yes, mom, I called you from a parking lot the other day, and plan on more unannounced calls.
35. I support Steve Kerr and Pop previously for sitting any player at any time to achieve the bigger picture.
36. Your freaking job is to WIN the whole thing….screw the fans.
37. I just tweeted this. I LOVE watching a game LIVE that I know will be talked about 15 years from now.
38. Wisconsin vs. MSU.
39. I missed the memo where there are less games on Selection Sunday this year.
40. I am positive that the ACC Final was on Sunday last year.
41. I can’t figure out whether I am overestimating Arkansas or if UK is that good.
42. If you care, my top four Maroon 5 songs are Payphone, It’s Always Been You, Feelings, and that duet with Gwen Stephani.  
43. 
44. Read regularly, and you KNOW how funny that is…keep up.
45. Thanks, Avery (Lindsey’s sister), you are a freaking rock star, and we now have a secret handshake that was fun to invent. Actually, I woke up today and still thought it was pretty brilliant for our cause in our state of mind.  
46. No, I am still masculine and very much a man, but I really like the song, Payphone.
47. I have actually decided that if I was a mugger or a bad person, I wouldn’t mess with me, shaved head of not.  I have been tested five serious times, and amazingly I went crazy enough to scare the hell out of the person/ persons assaulting me.  I would actually still put money on me in whatever WOULD have happened.
48. Yup, I am cocky, strong, lucky, and a little crazy…it has worked for 42 years…why change now?
49. I have never heard the term “whiskey dick” during a parade, but that Jameson float WAS pretty lame.  One of those solid gold moments.
50. I admit to being a dumb guy, dating a woman for 3 years, not paying attention to anything that isn’t presented in front of my face, and admit to thinking since Lindsey likes the singer Pink that she also likes the color pink.  
51. I bought her a pink yoga mat that I am pretty sure she hates.
52. Why does Seth Greenberg pronounce Notre Dame really uppity and weird?
53. I feel bad for whoever plays UT in the first round, as they are playing a team that can beat anyone but underachieved.
54. All year.
55. I think if you asked my girl what OU basketball was ranked, she would have NO idea that they might be a 3 seed .
56. On editing they WERE a THREE seed.  I am SO money.
57. If you care, I got Lindsey home safely on Friday, but I will admit that I was happy with her “dive” into bed after I navigated her home…not saying I didn’t have a drink that night.
58. I knew as soon as this game went into OT that I would lose that MSU plus 6 bet with my buddy.
59. I think Murray State should be in the tourney, but they don’t have the stats with losing in the conference tourney.
60. UCLA and Texas being in it over them is BS.
61. Deep thoughts by Jack Handy, WHY do the smaller conferences even HAVE conference tourneys? Don’t they WANT their best team in March Madness???????  Just put your top team in…not exactly splitting the atom over here.  
62. Irving going for 57 was a good sign for Cleveland. ALL that Cleveland needs is for the third part our the fearsome threesome to start scoring.  
63. I am going to one sentence format. I need to go through this list.
64. I took a break to watch the selection show. I am back now
65. Colorado State should have been in before UCLA and Texas.
66. Northern Iowa was underseeded.
67. So was Wichita State.
68. I wanted ONE thing, and I got it…UVA in Nova’s region.
69. I hate Calipari but I like the things that come out of his mouth.   
70. I think Iowa State is going to make a run.  
71. My bracket is done, but I am still confused as to whether I need to discount Gonzaga’s schedule strength.
72. If you break down their roster, they seriously have EVERYTHING.  
73. I have Wisconsin winning it all, and Kentucky, UVA, and Gonzaga in the Final Four.
74. Rough draft, mind you.
75. I think I heard Seth Davis say he is all over the Hawkeyes, but I think he meant CYCLONES.
76. Nice, Jerry, as McFadden is a person who exists on this earth and he happens to be a RB.
77. I believe I have stopped caring who Greg Hardy will sign with.
78. I believe that DeAngelo Williams signing with the Steelers will help me sleep at night now.
79. I am just joking…as I sleep well EVERY night.
80. I believe that signing Big Ben was a good move, I trust the Rooney’s, and he threw for freaking 4900 yards this year.  
81. If a girl burps, I have developed a line to use, and it is this…”cool, hot, sexy.”
82. It doesn’t sound funny right now, but try it, because it IS.
83. Since Lindsey wanted to go to a burlesque show this year for her birthday, I am hoping that a natural progressions of going to a strip club next year will work.
84. Although the act was smooth, I find it unrealistic that the best burlesque dancer in the world is from Denver…nice selling.
85. I enjoyed #1 hoola hoop chick #2 belly dancing chick.  
86. I wish Trent Richardson would fade away.
87. I love that I asked John what the name of our song was that we were writing last night, and his first answer was “Carwash.”
88. I believe that my fandom of Tiger is waning by the minute.
89. I hate Christian Laettner too, but recognize his final shot against UK in 1992 LITERALLY made me fall off the couch.  
90. Rousey is right when saying fighting a dude is a bad idea.  
91. In case you care, #1 Halle Berry, #2 Scarlett, #3 Rihanna, #4 1989 BelindaCarlisle, #5 Theron.  
92. And Scarlett…
93. I am picking CJ Spiller next year in my fantasy football draft.
94. I would like to high five a Brewers player right now.
95. I believe that Mike Wallace is one of the most talented, lost people I have ever heard about.
96. I believe that Percy Harvin is one of the most talented, lost people I have ever heard about.
97. I believe that Joe Thornton is speaking his mind righteously.
98. I loved you, Charles Oakley, but stay away from microphones.  
99. We went to the St. Paddy’s Day parade, and I got to play my Roland keyboard for about 4 hours while Lindsey and friends were SLEEPING.
100. The next time she mentions that Denver is ranked #3 in the country for Paddy Day parades, I will remember to remind her about THIS year when she was sleeping.
101. She woke up today 10 minutes before the Selection Show and wanted to cuddle…stop it.
102. I HATE missing parties.
103. I hope I look like Sean Penn when I am his age.  
104. I just found out my fiancée has never seen Mystic River…as soon as she gets back home, I plan on tying her to the couch and playing Mystic River.  
105. I can’t believe anyone wakes up in the morning and accepts the day without seeing that movie.  Ugghhh.
106. If you haven’t seen Mystic River, stop reading this and go watch the freaking movie.
107. Ace Ventura #1 is a better overall movie, but the second one will be talked about 50 years from now as a guy who is one of the best physical comedians of all time.  
108. For you youngsters, In Living Color back in the day HAD Jim Carrey pre-fame.  
109. The good thing about everyone going to sleep was I once again to watch SNL.
110. I never am home on a Saturday normally.
111. Avery, our two hour conversation while your sister was asleep last night was the highlight of my week.  
112. Avery forgot to bring along the dinosaur picture I drew her after a couple pops.
113. I was more offended because I never tackled drawing a Pterodactyl and I pretty much killed it.  
114. Jurassic Park is such a good movie.
115. No bartender should say he or she invented anything, but I am pretty sure I invented the Purple Undertow…blue shot with purple undertones like when you wade out into the water.
116. I would buy more into UNC if someone besides Marcus Paige could SHOOT regularly.
117. I believe that I would buy the bar tab and LOVE hanging out with Jeff Goldblum.  
118.   Someone doubted that I knew the RPI of Texas the other day, and once again I scared people with my blind knowledge by saying what their RPI was.
119. I also snagged the MSU-Wisconsin spread today…blindly.
120. John, you playing a $5 kid’s trumpet THAT well was kind of weird.
121. Mom, I will be transparent, I had a rash on my neck, Lindsey cares about me, and the chain you bought me when I was 18 is off my neck for the first time since you bought it…it will go on once the rash clears up, but I wasn’t happy about her taking it off.
122. If I had a couple million dollars, I would definitely give Mr. Jennings a call.
123. I feel like Reggie Bush has always been a 49er even though he hasn’t been one.
124. I heard Lindsey say “The Masters???? Oh no, when is THAT?????”  
125. I am not the proudest Maroon 5 fan, but apparently I AM a fan.  
126. Does anyone else laugh during these razors commercials?
127. So true.
128. And some of my pics from the weekend.
129. This is my lady.  
130. I personally think that I have a recent photo that makes make look pretty freaking good.  Screw aging…I have my own agenda.  
131. This is one of Lindsey’s friends who I call COOLER because she is cool and the power was out at Shauna’s wedding and she had fireball in a COOLER.  
132. I don’t call people out in my blog, but let’s just say that I spoke with a racist person this weekend and he has no idea how much I hate racism, sexism, or any …ism…
133. This would be John, with a head thing I personally turned down.
134. 
135. Yes, there are two hooks deleted.  Read this thing on time and you could have been in the inner circle.  Deleted per request.
136. Once again, my lady… 
137. Don’t calculate or ovethink this.  Why is this guy READING at a St. Paddy’s Day parade??????  
138. My girl and Avery… 
139. My woman and one of her her best friend’s dude.  
140. This would be COOLER again.  
141. Always the party on wheels… 
142. Always the party on wheels… 
143. Apparently Chad and I are brothers, but as you can see from his photo, we didn’t get time to hang out.  
144. I have never seen two perfect books in a guy’s bathroom.  
145. My girl got on stage for the burlesque show.  
146. When she was on stage, it looked like she belonged on stage.  
147. In case you live in a bubble, my lucky number is 11 and Lindsey and I sat at table number 11 at the burlesque show.  The second part was NOT part of the bubble comment.  
148. I will actually back off cracking on he simultaneous texters and point out two things.  John looks very happy on the right.  Parker (just met him) looks like an angry dude if I had to ballpark.
149. That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  I think I will break from my nonstop NCAA coverage and find Rocky, Karate Kid, or Bourne.  May the force be with you.