Almost done this season, and I am beyond sad.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Not an airplane rant.  Afternoon rant.  Speed version (has to be unfortunately until someone pays me for this shit).  Let’s turn and burn.

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1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Let’s get moving.  One sentence per hook ONLY.  NBA is on tonight, Lindsey is at People’s Fair, and I have limited time.  Let’s go.
2. I was debating on if I shouldn’t add to my 109 Widespread Panic shows this year, but I listened to this song with some pops, and said to myself “you are CRAZY for thinking those thoughts.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRnQ_GMlpZM
3. 110 and 111 coming.  Never felt an experience like listening to those old guys play live.  
4. They are getting old, people, so you should go see them SOON if you are going to listen to my prophetic advice.  
5. I have problems, but there is a REASON to go see someone 109 times.
6. That is new shit, rookie. For PURE old Panic, listen to my favorite song of ALL time.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ksU1ib5oI
7. GO back and click on that link.  It is magical and will change your life.
8. I have cried at Panic concerts both sober and drunk listening to that song.
9. This one is the one that hooked my on the band, in VA Beach on the docks.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LctIDCiyvxM
10. UVA is off to Omaha, which means that Mark Filler may or may not book a spontaneous trip to Omaha in the next week.  
11. I am not lying-I DO that stuff.
12. Yes, JJ-pops.
13. I was going through my old CD’s and realized there was a 5 minute span when I was 21 in Myrtle Beach when me and three other dudes decided that Matthew Sweet had the greatest album of all time…kids.  
14. Told you the Blackhawks would drop that second game-Hawks still in 6.
15. Write your own blog-yes, I said that the well rested Materiality would win.
16. Can’t wait for YOU to make a bunch of wrong predictions, or be a pansy and not make any predictions at all.
17. Listening to Panic as I am writing this, and “bodies outside of time” still brings me almost to tears.  
18. I am abrasive and emotional, and that is a rare combination.
19. I am kind of like a guy who would fight a guy who looked at me wrong on the sidewalk, but then would save a dog at a festival later that day.  
20. Of COURSE A.P. is going to show up to camp in the greatest shape anyone has ever heard of-hits women, sure, but definitely no one to f%^% with in a gym.
21. Of COURSE, Iverson was drunk during the practice rant-did anyone think he WASN’T?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGDBR2L5kzI
22. Of COURSE, Jim Brown didn’t endorse unretiring his old number.
23. Of COURSE, I don’t have anything to report on the X Games since Shawn whats his name is not involved.
24. Cue all public phone jokes.
25. Don’t get it?  Sorry.  This is top level humor, folks.  
26. Of COURSE, I think Shut Up and Dance sounds like Video Killed the Radio Star or like 5 other 80’s songs.  
27. Of COURSE, I want to die in a cool way and that Denver sniper or tornado sound like good starts.
28. Invented a game yesterday (going to do more than one sentence on this one). All Terrain Bocci.  You just need a bocci set, sturdy walls, lots of stairs, a yard that curves around, and you are set for 18 holes.  I didn’t win, but damn It was 3 hours of excitement times 1000.  Throw the ball, and play like normal.  Drinks and a passed out woman make it very peaceful.
29. Dan, meeting you was the highlight of my night, and we will drink again.  Wahoowa.  
30. Avery (Lindsey’s sister), you are the freaking BOMB.  
31. I am losing track of which UNC violations are NEW, and which ones are old.
32. Anyone else find it odd that Roy Williams gets an extension right after these new or old violations?
33. I am so glad my younger Cavs colleague didn’t understand the humor in me sending Mr. Mister’s Kyrie after the Game 1 loss…youngsters.
34. He doesn’t read this thing either-all good, and EVERYONE should love this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NDjt4FzFWY
35. There is something seriously wrong with you if you don’t like that song.
36. Question will be tomorrow, as I have had one of the most unproductive weekends in the history of man, and am proud of it.
37. How many jokes can you make about Von Miller in 4 minutes, and how many times can you tie “flatulence” with “pot?”  
38. How many jokes can you make about Ms. Griner, AND tie it into flatulence and pot?
39. I just pinched myself-I was about to get out of hand.
40. I am so pumped about Game of Thrones tonight.  
41. She is pretty hot, but not as hot as the Direct TV chick on the beach with the horse.  
42. How many people can switch from Widespread Panic to Whitesnake’s Greatest Hits and not bat an eye?
43. Non, y’all-I am very, very special.  
44. How many retired players does it take to change a lightbulb?
45. That was the drinks talking on that last hook-sorry.
46. By the way, thanks for your readership, but please understand the investment that goes into this blog-when I say “get your own blog,” understand I really just write to write, happen to have a couple hundred followers, and would vent anyway.
47. But I do think I am very irritatingly funny.  
48. Still of the Night is on the background, and I still remembering winning a multitude of karaoke contests with that song and Sweet Child of Mine.  
49. There has never been a microphone that I have been scared of.
50. The US beating The Netherlands was impressive, and I know move about about 90% of you at soccer, but the word “friendly” still keeps me up at night.
51. Hey, Make You Pay, you always make Roller Derby an experience I NEVER would have thought I would love.
52. Bryan/ Brian, you are seriously the shit and the ONLY competition I think I have out there in the world for most sarcastic statements made in a 5 minute period.
53. Happy birthday, Bryan/ Brian, and I feel proud I was the only person who hid for your surprise (underneath a table).
54. I know they are tougher courses you are playing, El Tigre, but I just shot a 101 two weeks ago, which is only 16 strokes worse than your Saturday.  
55. Did everyone catch their breath (French Open, Belmont, NHL, UVA vs. MD, MLB baseball, women’s WC, UFC, X Games, Memorial, boxing)?
56. That is why I had to do SO much research when Lindsey asked me a a wedding date that wouldn’t interfere with sports?
57. She hasn’t announced it yet, but we are doing April 30^th in either Barbados, Negril, or Turks.  Activities vs. Swim up room vs. water slides.  
58. I proposed to her in a very cool way at Jackson’s Square in New Orleans at Jazz Fest on April 30^th-right by the horse.  
59. Yes, Adam Silver, adjust the seeding for the NBA playoffs.
60. I am listening to Is This Love by Whitesnake, and I will spare you what my friends have tolerated for about 20 years, about me telling everyone that it took TWO guitarists to replace John Sykes, who MADE that album that made them all the money.  
61. He went on to form Blue Murder, and this is easily my favorite Blue Murder song-I think that 4 other people own the CD or tape. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmxK9CS3RV0
62. I watched the entire Djokovic-Wawrinka match, and it must be the WORST feeling in the world knowing you knocked out Nadal ON CLAY and still lost the French Open.  
63. There was about 35 minutes where you could just TELL Stan was in a zone.  
64. Everyone stop reading this shit right NOW and go look up this name. Pat Venditte.
65. For you people who live in a vacuum, he is the first switch PITCHER to be called up in MLB-imagine being able to switch arms on EVERY hitter.  
66. I just texted my buddy, Scott, and I will say not only is he one of the few people who filters my bad shit and recognizes the good part of my personality, and is literally the best under 6 foot basketball player I have ever played against.
67. We went to Hoop It Up in VA Beach and our team name was “Deez Nuts.”  
68. The other guy from that squad, although my pledge brother, seems to forget we were pledge brothers and I guess I don’t care what he is doing.
69. I tried calling you a couple times, Jeff-worthless.
70. I have two ex- fraternity brothers who know about 30% of my sports knowledge and they both are on sports TV-depressing.
71. Lindsey just turned on A Few Good Men (she is home now)-told her to change it so it doesn’t take over my life.  
72. Then she turns on Top Gun, which I DEFINITELY tell her to change to not blow my night.  
73. Damn, I have so many Maverick qualities about me.  
74. Scott is smarter than me, more genuine than me, and has more stories about me than anyone in this world-just wish he would have stumbled on a great woman like I did.
75. I got SO lucky for being an idiot-thank you, Lindsey-you are my world.
76. MUCH love, Scott.
77. Lindsey and I went to the chalk art festival Saturday, and I apologize for anyone I ran over, because we KNEW it would rain in 20 minutes.
78. Lindsey’s new look is having a bandana/ wrap on her head, and it is HOT.
79. Bryan/ Brian was right, and do not EVER pour too much “Scorpion Pepper” hot sauce on anything-I almost died.
80. I am 42 but don’t know shit evidently, as I asked 5 guys at the party the other night if they would be bothered if their women came home 2 hours late on a Friday because they slept with a woman, and all 5 said they would be bothered.
81. I personally think it would be awesome, but actually tended bar with a guy who broke up with a chick for doing that…not getting it.
82. The BK guy behind Bob Baffert MADE my Belmont after my horse lost.
83. I have been to two places where the “Aurora” version of an omelet is polish sausage related, and I am very, very confused, especially being a Jersey dude.
84. How have I been in this city since 1997 and not been to Sam’s #3?????  
85. If you are looking for me but don’t have my number, look for me eating the Mac and Cheese burrito at Sam’s #3 next Saturday.
86. I just really like everything with Mac and Cheese I guess.
87. If you are sad, or depressed, just listen to this song and you will smile. If you dojn’t than you have other problems.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rmPckNvD3E
88. 
89. I just stopped writing this thing, paused Winger, and listened to the whole song.  Kenny Loggins rocks.  
90. I would be more excited about NBA tonight, but unless James pulls a 1993 Charles Barkley, WHY am I watching?  
91. Plus, I might slit my wrist if JR Smith gets a championship ring.  
92. I wonder if Andy Murray is having drinks with anyone from 1983 right now, as he must be saying I would OWN shit if it wasn’t for these other chumps.
93. Can you imagine living through the world of McEnroe, Lendl, Wilander, Connors, Borg, Edberg, and Boris Becker?  
94. Damn, I loved Wilander-stud.
95. These current guys are sluts and pansies.
96. Damn, Winger gets a bad rap, but this song is SO dope. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25AofaTImtg
97. I sometimes miss important tennis matches due to geographic differences-not this weekend-woke up when Serena almost blew it at 4-1 in second, and 6-4-5-4 for the men’s.
98. I am SO locked on watching sports.
99. I sincerely like gay bars because the drinks are strong, I am friendly, and they honestly think they will convert me.  
100. I have a bunch of pictures, but don’t feel like posting anything as this thing is an investment writing alone.
101. I have to go now, as Game of Thrones is about two hours from now.  
102. How do you NOT have rain at a Triple Crown event without thinking of this scene?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L3KU5eiEBo
103. Just some pics.  
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109. 
110. If the above picture is not Sex In the City, then punch me now.  They were talking about hair, the dude from last night, and other things that would have made me go Seven on them.
111. I just made up the Seven term.  Think head in a box, and then pat me on the back for inventing 1995 shit.
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116. I don’t have a lot of friends because I am pretty much a jackass.  The guy in the pink shirt MIGHT be my new best friend.  This is like Seinfeld and Keith Hernandez.  I don’t want to be too forward.
117. 
118. Do I make a joke about Pastrami or Logan?  Big problem.  By the way, did I mention I snuck THIS scene into a killer presentation for our sales team?  I love making an idiot of myself in front of people.  
119. Did you notice it took 25 minutes for the Game Of Thrones boat to go 10 feet?  Still love it.  Jon Snow is the SHIT.

That is it. I hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro (.328, 19, 46, .466).