Back in his old school rapping days…my BCS title game summary…
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Day rant. Speed version. Let’s turn and burn.
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Greetings and salutations, people. Quick post-BCS game summary in my style.
-Pre game. Past Heisman winners saying hello. You look very old, Chris Weinke. Lindsey looked over to verify that I graduated 5 years before this guy.
-Brent Musburger introduces himself as “I am Kirk Herbstreit along with Brent Musburger.” Some say it was a joke played on the audience. I personally think Brent is just getting up there in the years.
http://deadspin.com/brent-musburger-welcome-everybody-im-kirk-herbstrei-1495942057
-Kirk Herbstreit sounds like the Hubie Brown of football, while Brent Musburger appears to be just waiting for the next camera view on a player’s girlfriend.
-Teams feel each other out early, with the Auburn punter earning early MVP honors by pinning FSU on the 1 with a punt with backspin. Three and out. Auburn gets the ball back and scores on a very nicely designed throw with PLENTY of blockers. Auburn people are excited.
-1:14 left in the first. A very, very dumb roughing the kicker penalty. This is the title game, boys. This thing is not going to be given to you after a commendable season.
-The Rose Bowl (stadium) being called the Rose Bowl during the BCS title game when teams are not playing the actual Rose Bowl because it has already been played is confusing.
-13:48 left in the second. Another Auburn TD. Florida State is obviously looking for the run and also leaving the entire middle of the field wide open. Smart Auburn coaching thus far.
-The looks in their eyes indicates FSU is not used to losing…like all season.
-I dream of stats during a commercial. Heisman trophy winners are 4-7 in title games. FSU’s strength of schedule is #64. Auburn is #7 in the nation in red zone defense and it is showing. FSU hasn’t been in a single digit game all season. Easy cheese and triscuits sound really good right now. I think I will have some.
-13:13 left in 2nd. FSU RUNS on 3rd and 15 in their own territory, but not deep in it. What is going on? Robin Williams must be coaching them and talking about Mother Russia and balloons.
-My favorite part of the game occurs when we realize that Auburn is calling plays using celebrities photos and flash cards/ posters.
-10:14 left in second. Brent Musburger tells us the exact same story about the assistant needing to stand down the line as he did in the first quarter. I guess this is good for people who are watching it while cooking in the kitchen or something. Keep repeating yourself, Brent.
-Winston fumble at 7:20 in the second. That dude has a gun, but is slow as shit.
-21-3. Let’s not put the cart before the horse. Lots of football left in this thing.
-3:52 left in second. FSU WR drops a pass WIDE open. Then. What? Fake Punt. Boom goes the dynamite. WInston looks much sharper on the drive and the energy has picked up in the stadium. Cousin Mo is starting to twitch a little.
-Halftime. Both coaches like where they are at.
-Literally. They both just said it to the sideline reporter.
-Halftime. I imagine what Nick Saban says off camera when watching this game. He must be a pissed off maniac. I also want more Easy Cheese but I finished the canister already.
-I ponder the amount of FSU tomahawk chants from the fans per FSU game. Lindsey says 122. I start at 85 doing it mathematically, and then bump it up to 135 after pondering it more.
-Is FSU RB Karlos Williams a senior? Like Williams, Sr.? Is that possible? I wait to figure out this puzzle but then lose interest as the third quarter rolls on.
-9:52 left in third. Winston looks definitively sharper. Pressure on him is still there by Auburn. Cousin Mo is still deciding.
-6:30 left in third. Winston’s contact lenses don’t make him squint anymore. Well, that ruins that joke. No more Squinston Winston.
-I see Kardashian and Anchorman for an Auburn play. Must be a good one.
-6:03 left in third. Auburn needs to work on fielding punts and kickoff returns.
-Monuments Men looks like a fantastic movie with a stellar cast. I will see it. Plus, it has Damon in it, and I need him to counter with something after the Elysium debacle.
-2:54 left in third. I wonder if Auburn IS a team of destiny with another dropped punt return and still not letting FSU get it.
-1:09 left in third. Punt AGAIN inside the 5 from Auburn. SIXTH time inside the 20 tonight. Guy is amazing.
-I run out of vodka and don’t feel like going to store. In reverence of Alex Trebeck rapping West Coast songs on air, I decide to just have an in house already gin and juice.
http://deadspin.com/watch-alex-trebek-rap-an-entire-jeopardy-category-1495963333
-21-13 is the score
-I really like the Mr. Potato Head/ Lays commercial.
-13:20 left in fourth. Lindsey, obviously distracted, finds a story on FB and tells me about it about a man born with two penises.
-Boom goes the dynamite. FSU INT at 12:56 left in fourth.
-FSU TD. FSU player gets an unsportsmanlike for taunting, which puts them out of contention for the two point conversion that would tie the score.
-I contemplate nicknames for Jameis Winston and his accusations. Lay-must Jameis?
-7:30 left in fourth. I up my FSU chant count guess to 145.
-5:06 left in fourth. Auburn converts a tough 3rd down play to the 6 yard line.
-4:42 left. Auburn FG. Not what they wanted, but not bad either.
-Lindsey makes a comment about FSU needing a big return on a kickoff or punt and goes to her brush teeth.
-4:31 left. FSU returns kick for TD while Lindsey is still brushing teeth in other room.
-27-24
-I ponder the scenario of me still betting these days and taking Auburn with the 10.5 points.
-4:20 left. Auburn at midfield AGAIN. They score on drive with another example of FSU’s horrible tackling tonight. 31-27.
-Brent Musburger tells us that the Auburn back is a relative of De La Soul. Thanks, Brent. That is very interesting. Stop saying New Orleeeeeeeaaaaaaans, Brent.
-I didn’t write much down during this drive as I was a little excited. FSU driving. Irony that Bama game MVP Chris Davis gets a key penalty on drive.
-I ponder that dumbass Auburn fan who didn’t hedge his $50.000 bet on $100. What is HE thinking right now? He will just lose $100.
-I debate on opening my second canister of Easy Cheese for finale. I don’t.
-:13 left. FSU scores TD throwing to their 6’5″ WR being covered by a 5’11” guy. On the drive, Winston was 6-7, 77 yards and a TD.
Bottom line. Jameis Winston proved he can win with NOT his best stuff. Big stage for that type of comeback, and I think overall the better team won.
That is it. I am having a double blog day to catch up. There is quality basketball on tonight in the Big Ten, and I plan on getting out my normal speed rant during play stoppages tonight while the lady is at yoga. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
