Calvin? Wh… Why do you keep calling me Calvin?

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

It is the weekend, so KIND of on the clock, and kind of not.

3:22

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit.

1)  What a DEAL.  You win a silver medal in the Olympics, come back to the U.S. and chase your dream to be in the NFL, and you hook up with one of the most consistent winners over the last 10 years.  Ex-Florida RB Jeff Demps got picked up by the Patriots.  The guy is a speedster, and the fact that he played for top tier Florida means he CAN take hits.  That guy could be a sleeper anyway you look at it, as a fantasy owner, as a Pats fan, whatever…

2)  The Premier League started in England.  I am really excited about this.  Can you tell?

2a)  If you care, the U.S.’s second best soccer player, Clint Dempsey refuses at this point to play for Fulham.  I would LOVE to give you more information, but I am a busy guy, and found other ways to allocate my time rather than open that article.  I think I looked up the ten biggest attendance college football stadiums in my sports almanac.

3)  And the hits keep on coming for my boys.  RB Mendenhall is “doubtful” for week 1.  Geez.  I live in Denver which is literally jumping around in glee already for the start of the Manning era, and the Steelers star wide receiver will be playing for the first time with no practice, James Harrison will still be recovering from a bum knee, and now this.  I have vacation time.  I will put in my vacation request as follows: if the Steelers lose the game, I would like off a week so I don’t have to deal with one full week of media craziness, friends laughing at me, and the resurgence of old Big Ben stories.  Otherwise, I will see you at 630am (ok, maybe 755 that day since it IS a night game).

3a)  The excitement in this town is for real  I have not seen this much excitement in a LONG time that wasn’t Tebow related.

4)  The MLB is going to test two different replay systems in the Bronx over the next few weeks.  MLB.  We want you to get the calls RIGHT, but watch the whole slippery slope thing.  I wasn’t a baseball player, but I DO recognize that it is one of the most historically sound games ever invented.  Don’t rock the boat.  Why don’t you put that money for the replay in the HGH crusade?

5)  My girlfriend is younger than me, but I am so glad she recognizes how freaking EXCITED I am to watch Back to the Future with her on Wednesday night outside in a cool little park a couple blocks from my house.  Talk about a movie ruining a LOT of Saturdays and Sundays in my life just because it was on TV in the middle of the day.  I remember reading it before watching it, and when I read the skateboard scene, there was NO WAY I was not seeing a movie where a guy jumps on top of a car and lands on his skateboard on the other side.  Ok, ok.  Yes, I am a movie snob who HATES inaccuracies and fake stuff.  Yes, when I think of the first Mission: Impossible, all I can think about is the damn helicopter and the tunnel.  But, this is different fakeness.  This is FUN fakeness.  For your enjoyment:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KCIOrEa9gU

5a)  I DID kick her butt at Frogger though.

6)  Smart, smart, smart.  VERY smart.  So, you have all of these blue chip recruits and present players spurning Penn State.  That opens up a lot of positions, people, with very little time to fill them.  Listen, Penn State is still a part of the Big Ten.  They will still play Ohio State, Wisconsin, etc., and there will be PLENTY of scouts there, even if it might be for the other team.  They WILL be on TV.  Some genius from AKRON just transferred to play WR for the Nittany Lions.  That kid should apply to NASA if things don’t work out.

7)  Love it.  If you get ejected from an NFL game, you now have to take an online course.  That is AWESOME.  The problem is, I am SO curious, that I feel like getting kicked out of my first game just to see what they are teaching.  No, people, don’t worry.  I am not one of THOSE Steelers fans, and at this point, I am not going to the Broncos-Steelers game.  Unless it is a playoff game of some kind, I am NOT shelling out more than $100 for a ticket to see it live.

8)  Congrats to the team from Uganda in the Little League World Series.  This is TRULY the case of NO ONE caring whether they win or lose.  It is a magical story that they are even THERE.  Think about THIS.  They hadn’t had ANY exposure to the sport until the early ’80’s.  Good job, kids.  I hope the U.S. brought you Back to the Future shortly after they brought you baseball?

9)  Notre Dame will be showing us special uniforms for their game at Soldier Field.  I don’t HATE the domers, but I really don’t care what you are doing for that game…especially uniforms.  You are on TV way too much, get elevated in the rankings, are too snobby to join a conference like the rest of the teams, and you personally stole the championship from a Ken Stabler led Alabama squad back in the day after they went 11-0 and crushed a solid Nebraska team 34-7.

10)  Someone asked me if I wanted a coffee the other day.  They didn’t believe my reply.  I told them I have one small SIP of coffee in my 39 year life.  I have never touched the stuff since that sip.  Acquired taste?  Whatever.  The stuff looks nasty.  Plus, you have to pick and choose your battles.

11)  Remember that “other” ESPN site I suggested for saturated stories?  Like what Brett Favre is doing, what Dwight Howard is feeling, how it is going legally for Lance Armstrong, etc.?  Let’s put Jonathan Vilma’s fight against the NFL on that site.  I am over it.

11a)  If you care, my rule that there is one cycling doping story on some wire every two weeks over the last 5 years continues.  Evidently, the cycling federation is siding with Lance Armstrong against the USADA now.  It was on the wire yesterday.  Speaking of my usual request of needing a flowchart.  I would say bust one out if I cared about this story.

11b)  By the way, ESPN, I have a bone to pick with you, because it is getting worse.  Remember me comparing ESPN News with MTV?  It is happening, and I am NOT happy.  MTV USED to be a place where you could always watch music videos.  That was the freaking THEME.  Anyway, now they just have crap shows.  No videos.  Well, the IDEA of ESPN News was to have constant sports updates, 30 minutes at a time with just new information.  ESPN NEWS was perfect for me, and I admit that it is just usually background while I do other stuff so my mind subconsciously retains new information.  Anyway, there was a TENNIS match on today on ESPN NEWS.  WHOA.  Either put that stuff on ESPN1 or ESPN2, or don’t show it.  Do NOT put it on ESPN “NEWS.”  It sucks.  Are they going to be coming out with MTV2/ ESPN NEWS2 soon for people like me?  Lock and load, people.  Stop teasing me.  I LOVE tennis, but when I want NEWS, I would rather you put on Beavis and Butthead reruns than play a tennis match I am trying to dodge.

11c)  I AM really passionate about that last hook.  It pisses me off.

12)  Yes, my lady makes me mix CD’s.  Don’t laugh.  You are just mad someone is not making YOU mixed CD’s.  I love them.  AND, I stay more hip because of all of the good stuff that goes on them.  Well, you need to check out this song.  It is pretty solid and my  new present favorite song.  Mom, you might even like it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ0CHS1tGpY

13)  Awesome and cruel, and I am not sure WHY I find this so funny…but I do.  Some woman won a silver medal in London for show jumping.  Then, she comes back, and files for bankruptcy.  The government comes after her and takes her HORSE as payment.  That is just WRONG, and still funny to me.  I like animals, but horses are further down the list for me.  Now, if they took her DOG, I would have flown out there and kicked some ass.

14)  Bears Brian Urlacher and Jenny McCarthy have officially split.  Sad about the breakup, but all I can think about with Jenny McCarthy is that she is one of the couple Playboys I took with me when I left my parents house from the bathroom closet during college.  1993 Playmate of the Year.  Sorry, dad.  I only took like 3 of them.  So, if you are looking for that Kim Basinger one, NOW that puzzle is solved.

15)  Vanessa Bryant now says that she DOESN’T need a championship from her man.  Hey, girl, are you lonely and just really indecisive, or did it start to hit that you have a lot less income now that you have split with Kobe?  Stop talking to the media and just fade away.

16)  Sport Illustrated needs to use this as their “sign of the apocalypse” segment.  No hook, no jokes, and I just want to move on, but there are evidently statues of David Beckham in his underwear in NYC.  Undergarment manufacturer or not, I am bothered I think.

17)  THIS was kind of a small story surprisingly.  Quality Fox Sports was ALL over it though luckily for us.  http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2012/08/18/phelps-agent-says-leaked-photos-arent-ioc-violation-medals-safe/?test=olymp

18)  The AP got it right according to the Fillerbuster, OR they read my blog and saw my reaction to the coaches poll.  I am sure that is it.  Anyway, the AP Poll has the RIGHT answer, that USC is the best team in the nation, and if they aren’t, their schedule favors them.

19)  The Raiders called out Kevin Kolb for being “skittish” back in the pocket.  If you are judging him on that glorified practice dance in the endzone, then of COURSE he would look skittish.  I like Kolb’s retaliation.  Classy, yet aggressive.  http://aol.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2012-08-18/kevin-kolb-arizona-cardinals-tommy-kelly-oakland-raiders

19a)  If I am a QB in the NFL, and the pocket folds, you are damn RIGHT I am going to be skittish.

20)  The Thunder signed 22 year old Serge Ibaka to a new contract.  That team was not far away from the promised land, and management would be FOOLS to think they need anything more on that squad except maturation.  Keep that group together, and they will get you a championship.

21)  Well, that is it.  My Saturday is all weird, because I fly out to Corpus Christi tomorrow at 550am (alarm set already at 245am), so I have to do all usual Saturday things earlier.  Work meeting ended up being on a Monday, so damn straight I am flying into a city by a large body of water the day before the meeting.  Gulf of Mexico?  I will be jumping into you in about 20 hours.  See you then.  Will I blog tomorrow?  Hell, yes.  Two back to back “airplane” rants are calling to me.  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.