Feels like an Arby’s night…

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Airplane rant.  Speed version.  Short Dallas to Denver flight.  No internet.  No pictures.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Tight quarters on this full flight, so one sentence a hook will clear this paper HOPEFULLY before the Captain starts his descent.  Writing with laptop screen down.  Very cozy.  Very excited to come back from the wonderful world of Oklahoma and North Texas.  Let’s move.
2. I drove past the campus of North Texas, and have decided they have a VERY cool football stadium (if that is what it was).
3. The Magic fired Jacque Vaughn, and maybe he was not being listened to on his coaching the form of a jumpshot.
4. Great traveling with you both, Marty and Rob, and that is saying something with the amount of hours we were in a small Jetta together.
5. Snoop’s son chose UCLA over USC, they can have the hype of this signing, and USC doesn’t care because they topped Bama in the national rankings.
6. Kind of convenient when two five star recruits are teammates in high school, USC (technically I think they might have had the best class before they signed-I don’t know-been out of touch slightly traveling for work).
7. That Bama is not #1 is news, and FSU just keeps doing their quiet thing at #3 this year.
8. Mickelson says Tiger will get the last word on this whole fading away thing, I really want to believe him so they can write a freaking book about the comeback, but as he just withdrew again because of his back before I got on the plane, it seems more and more unlikely.
9. That UVA win at UNC was solid for anyone out there thinking UVA would just melt away after a very tough Duke loss.
10. Their next reward is a likely to be pleasant game against always tough Louisville.-ugghhh.
11. Manziel is in rehab still and someone pinch me so I know this is real.
12. Ummmm…I mean….um….get better, Johnny…yeah.
13. I admit to thinking that he would at LEAST made it through two years before rehab popped on the radar.
14. Talk about someone who needs to quit something, James Caan, I hear, just divorced a woman…the same one for the THIRD time.
15. Whatever happened with “the call” at the end of the Super Bowl, whosever fault it was, the fact remains that along with the loss, Seahawks lost $3 million.
16. I will state my blog announcement shortly, but for now all you need to know is that Terrence Cody was indicted for abusing an alligator and a dog.
17. Pretty gutsy abusing an alligator…
18. I will state my new blog announcement shortly, but for now all you need to know is that Warren Sapp was arrested for soliciting a prostitute.
19. The Pelicans halted the Hawks 19 game winning streak, and I am on record still that I am NOT a believer in the Hawks making a deep run.
20. You can agree or disagree with what happened, it is still funny to hear Gronk say the word “haymakers.”
21. LeBron says Kevin Love needs more confidence in his shot.
22. LeBron says he will come off the bench for his team.
23. LeBron, shut up and give the mic a rest.
24. I hate the word snag anyway, but I hate it more when in the sentence with the words “mayweather” and pacquaio.”
25. The house always wins, and in this case it wins $3.2 billion…on the Super Bowl.
26. When we talk about balance, we talk about things like Diaz and Silva both getting failed drug tests for a bout, one pre-fight and one post-fight…nice.
27. When we talk about consistency, we talk about things such as Josh Gordon and suspensions.
28. When we talk about dominance, we talk about Geno being the fastest coach to 900 wins.
29. When we talk about control, we talk about people like Dan Quinn having the final say on the Falcons roster.
30. When we talk about cheaters, we talk about things like using drugs to win your sport and blaming your girlfriend for drunk driving in Aspen.
31. When we talk about “for show,” we talk about giving your MVP truck to the star defensive guy…even though I am pretty sure he can afford one on his “lower” NFL salary.
32. When we talk about “zen,” we are NOT talking about the New York Knicks.
33. Enough of that…
34. I will be sad when Bill Raftery stops announcing college basketball, and I hope he is taking his vitamins and working out each day.
35. I am going to go out on a limb and say the undefeated run by Kentucky and seeing their scores each week is making the public more aware of how weak SEC basketball is right now.
36. Come on, Billy Donovan…pull a miracle.
37. It is a shame that the Angels Josh Hamilton is hurt because of his stellar numbers when he is healthy.
38. That is funny because he has sucked.
39. I will get to my blog announcement shortly, but just know that D’Qwell Jackson was arrested for assault over a parking space.
40. Maybe Kevin Love made a bet with someone that he can win a championship averaging under 14 points a game?
41. That last hook didn’t come out like it was in my head…not my wittiest statement and I was just saying he is sucking.
42. I will get to my blog announcement shortly, but just know that Joseph Randle was called on domestic assault, it ended up being a huge marijuana bust, and some random 22 year old woman is now semi-famous.
43. I will get to my blog announcement shortly, but just know that Pack DT Letroy Guion has attacked the offseason of preparation for a championship by getting busted for weed also.
44. You might have heard of this Mountain guy from Game of Thrones, and now everyone has as he broke a 50 year old record in carrying a 640kg tree and then jumped over a fence in celebration.
45. (not WITH the tree did he jump…)
46. It took 50 people to set the tree up for the lift.
47. Syracuse hoops implemented a postseason ban on themselves, telling me things they did were REALLY bad and maybe the NCAA will let that punishment ride.
48. I guess the Cuse zoned out on academics.
49. The Cuse would like to thank the kids who got out early to the pros because that might REALLY have screwed them on the curve.
50. I think Auburn was somehow in the running for like every single recruit, and remember that Muschamp moving from Florida to Auburn stole some Florida recruits.
51. The Browns GM just wanted to make sure we knew things still happen in three’s.
52. You know, because Gordon and Manziel were the two days earlier in the news.
53. Dammit, I thought I had gained control of the armrest on this plane…really tight in this seat and the man is so old and nice.
54. Oklahoma is a wonderful state, and I would like to thank them for consistently telling me not to drive into the smoke.
55. And Robertson’s, I swear to one day stop and have one of those ham sandwiches you paid all of that money for on those billboards.
56. I will have to schedule another day for one of those fried pies every other sign in southern Oklahoma is telling me about.
57. Nice recruiting to get CeCe Jefferson over Auburn, Bama, and Ole Miss, but the best McElwain could do was a barely top 25 class.
58. Charlie Sifford paved the way for guys like Tiger Woods, and we will miss him and always appreciate what he did for golf.
59. Fancy big showers are nice on the road, but they totally ruin my steam saturation replacement of ironing on work trips.
60. Why are the tissues always stuffed in the box when you first get in a room?
61. I feel bad for all of these Seahawks who played with serious injuries, but come on…it came out Tom Brady played with a bad cold…saddle up, Seahawks.
62. I feel like the huddled up humans in planes and driving around in cars phase of life has been going on a lot longer than planned and am anxiously awaiting Jetsons shit where my car folds down into a suitcase.
63. Hurry up, smart people.
64. I remember when I used to be smart, and I am pretty sure joining a fraternity might have been the beginning of the end of that phase of my life.
65. My coworkers who I spent many days in the car with I don’t think take offense to the fact that I abrasively verbally abuse the chick giving me directions on my Droid phone.
66. I can’t really write the things I call her when she is late on making me turn.
67. SI, I get that the swimsuit issue makes you lots of money and I also like girls in swimsuits, but PLEASE get that stuff off the very top of the SPORT wire about how the leaked photos of Hannah Davis “surprised” her.
68. Charles Haley was lucky enough to be on a BUNCH of very good teams in his NFL career, and I guess calling Brady a cheat means he is A) a little lonely and B) starting to get worried about his ring record.
69. I don’t know what the legal ramifications are, but I personally find it funny that the prosecutor brought up OJ in the Hernandez hearing.
70. I am so confused by the fact that Dick LeBeau took a job with a DIFFERENT team at his age…confused.
71. I don’t think that LeGarrette Blount had a good enough game to be raising up bitch mode” t-shirts.
72. Bode Miller was cut racing this week, and I am glad that I found out that the guy is even racing anymore.
73. I thought he was somewhere just partying out the rest of his prime.
74. I admit to not having time to read Deadspin lately, but you should still be following the read every day plan.
75. I almost broke the entire process at the Dallas Airport today when I ordered something off the kids menu from a woman who did not speak good English.
76. The first hurdle was telling her I did not have kids, but I just wanted a kid item, the confusion escalated when I wanted a grown up full soda, and I finally broke down and just ordered a number 4 with no crap on it.
77. Burger King fries suck.
78. McDonalds fries rock.
79. During the week, my coworkers and I went into an Arby’s that had a line of FIVE crazy dipping sauces and a sandwich bar with banana peppers and onions and stuff, making me really think on how long it has been since I ate at Arby’s.
80. I seriously think that was the best fast food sandwich I have ever had.
81. I literally put every sauce except for ketchup on my sandwich.
82. Or are Oklahoma Arby’s better?
83. Arby’s always makes me think of Patrick Warburton.
84. The new commish is rumored to being open to allowing Pete Rose in the HOF, and that makes me happy…very happy.
85. I have a lot more Oklahoma stories and observations I could share but A) I am brain dead and exhausted B) we are starting our descent C) know I will be back there soon to remind me of what I was going to share.
86. That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  As one shepherd said to the other shepherd, I am going to get the flock out of here.
87. Oh, hell. Totally forgot almost.  The announcement.  My Rant Squad has been silent.  Really, really silent.  Or getting older and not in their prime.  Or more domesticated.  What I realized this week is that we need to retire the old Rant Squad and start a new one.  Just like fan voters in MLB need to let go of older talent when they are voting for All Star Game lineups, we need to move on also and recognize young talent.    I hereby announce the roster is now OPEN for tryouts.  All people arrested and mentioned in this blog are now eligible.  You too, Johnny.  My committee will vote in one month on who gets on the team.  Tryouts are NOW, athletes.  Get on it.  Mike Tyson is hereby ambassador, Marcus Vick is still our driver, and Jennifer Capriati still oversees the Rant Squad’s drugs (I might change these elders when I am more alert).  It is on, folks.  Make me proud.