Glad I have a co-blogger to cover my girlfriend’s “birthday week…” Enjoy today, we are off tomorrow, and then I will be back in full force Sunday…don’t think I don’t have a full legal pad full of ideas…dirty. Here is Mr. Royal…the theme will become clear as you read…

NBA TFLN: Tweets From Last Night

(Mr. Royal, I am having some work problems at the manufacturing plant.  Pillow will be out and on the way ANY day now.  Promise.)

Editor’s note:  You will note Mr. Royal pokes fun at the Fillerbuster (spoken like Rickey Henderson himself).  He has NO idea that posting his little pictures takes as much time as actually writing my own blog.  Word doesn’t copy the pics into WordPress, Mr. Royal.  Make them good, dammit.

Editor’s note #2:  College basketball beats the HELL out of NBA.  Let’s get that straight, Casino Royale.

Editor’s note #3:  I kind of hoped that link was more about Kelly Clarkson and less about Bargnani.

Editor’s note #4:  Hubie Brown doesn’t write for my blog, but Mr. Royal is pretty much the second best thing.

If you don’t like the NBA, but like laughing, I would still suggest reading this post. If you don’t like laughing, but do like the NBA, I would maybe suggest reading this post (I’m going to make fun of it a lot). And if you don’t like the NBA or laughing, please email/tweet me with what it is that you do like.

Who writes a basketball post about pro ball during March Madness? I do. And here’s why: I can’t figure out wtf is going on in College Basketball. The only teams definitely in my Final Four are UF and Wichita State. This year has been so chaotic and weird, I’m not even interested in the bubble. I don’t care. If you aren’t good enough to not be on the bubble and decidedly in this year’s tourney, then you have no shot at winning and you shouldn’t whine about it.

I’m sure Filler is going to smite me from his website after saying that because he loves college ball, but he’ll forgive me. I made it through that insanely long Sunday post and I still haven’t gotten my Fillerbuster pillow so he owes me one. For the record, I love college basketball, but keeping up with who’s supposed to be good and who’s supposed to be bad this year has been absolutely exhausting.

Side Note: Maybe we should read Filler’s Sunday blog in pieces so we can use the rest to substitute his 25-hook type days.

Side Note: Jimmer Fredette is averaging 3.0 PPG over his last four games. #Jimsanity

Side Note: The Thunder/Pacers are going to be fine. Everyone, please calm down.

Anyways… NBA Tweets from Last Night – featuring James Dolan and Phil Jackson

Am I the only one who keeps waiting for Phil Jackson to tweet this?:

@JimDolan Hey so I was WAY drunk when you called last night and we talked about me taking over the #Knicks. Haha sorry man #DreamOn #NoWay #WaitingForThatLakersJob

“Royal, you’re just a whiny NY fan! It’s not that bad for the Knicks. Try being a Cleveland fan!”

Let me be very clear: the only and I mean the only thing the Knicks have going for them is that they happen to play in Madison Square Garden. Otherwise, please observe:

–          2012-2013 record:  54-28

–          2013-2014 record: 25-40 (HUGE win against the Sixers the other night!)

–          Current Knicks’ roster complete with salary figures: Andrea Bargnani: $11.8 mil (early termination option for 2014 – THANK GOD!) Amare Stoudemire: $21.6 mil (on the books until 2015)

–          Tradable assets: Tim Hardaway Jr., Iman Shumpert

–          The Knicks traded a 2014 first round and two second round picks for Melo (who will leave this summer for another team). The 2014 draft class could be the best since 2003.

–          The Knicks’ 2014 second-round pick belongs to the Toronto Raptors, along with their 2016 first-round pick. Why? Because they desperately needed Andrea – “I do the defenses good” – Bargnani to lead them to a 24-40 record this year.

Andrea Bargnani tweet from last night:

@NYKnicks sry bout the lack of defenses last night. But did you see that one three-pointer I had? #Sweet #WorthTheDraftPicks #WorthTheMoney #MissMeToronto?

Side Note: In the words of Filler: “Do I have to show this video? No. Will I? Yes.” Kelly Clarkson feat. Andrea Bargnani – “Since You’ve Been Gone”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWR3BtHNjFs

This is so very much an inexplicably bad idea for Phil Jackson, I just… I really don’t know how to take it. When you really sit down and think about it though, one or more of a few things could be at play here that would compel Phil Jackson to take this gig:

The First:

James Dolan looked himself in the mirror and said, “God, I really am the worst owner in the history of all sports ever. Everyone hates me. Knick fans deserve better than a pretentious billionaire who knows absolutely nothing about running a sports organization. I’m going to call Phil Jackson and ask him to save us. I’m serious this time, I’m going to relinquish full control and autonomy to Phil Jackson.”

Side Note: I don’t think James Dolan is capable of remorse. He genuinely thinks he’s done the best job he can and that he’s a good owner who just keeps catching really bad breaks. “Sure I once traded Nene and two other players for Antonio McDyess and Frank Williams. It was an accident! Sure I once traded two first AND second-round picks (two of which turned into Joakim Noah and Lamarcus Aldridge) for Eddy Curry and Antonio Davis. Who knew THAT one wouldn’t pan out”

The Second:

Phil Jackson has a big ego and likes being involved in things. Love Phil, but the size of his ego actually has not been well-documented. But if you talk to the insider types, they’ll tell you that Phil loves Phil.

The Third:

Phil Jackson resents it when you say he was a good coach because of MJ and Kobe and wants to prove that he is a basketball genius. Here’s the consensus line on Phil Jackson you hear from everyone (coaches, fans, talking heads included):

“Phil Jackson is one of the greatest coaches of all time. Brilliant basketball mind, 11 rings, the resume speaks for itself. But it certainly didn’t hurt that the guy had the greatest basketball player of all time, Shaq, and Kobe for all those years.” **snickering laugh**

The Fourth:

The Phil Jackson-Pat Riley rivalry runs a lot deeper than we fully realized. Sure, Phil’s got the coaching rings, but look at Pat! There are very few guys in the “Great player, great coach, great executive” club in any sport. Hate it or love it, Pat Riley is one of the guys in the club. Phil is not.

I can promise you this: Dolan did NOT have a change of heart. He’s your typical Jerry Jones-type owner but with less knowledge of the game and business acumen. Early reports show that Dolan is “still expected to maintain a voice in terms of decision-making.” That way he can keep up the good work.

Dolan TFLN:

@PhilJackson sry bout the lack of draft picks, useful players, cap space, and my inability to get anything in return for @CarmeloAnthony before the trade deadline #YOLO #ComeAnyways #DidYouSeeBargnaniDrainThat3?!

So we’ve established that the Knicks’ suck and their foreseeable future doesn’t look to bright (few tradable assets, huge salary-suckers, no draft picks). We’ve established that Dolan hasn’t changed to accommodate Phil. And obviously, this is OK with Knicks’ fans. For all you folks out there that say, “Oh he has no front office experience, it’s not like coaching, he won’t live in NYC, he’s too old, he’s just a name,” all we hear is, “blah blah blah!” We don’t care! Why? Because it literally can’t get any worse in the Knicks’ front office. The Knicks let their only competent GM over the past two decades go to the Pacers (and how are they doing these days?). I don’t care if Phil never leaves his office in Costa-freakin-Rica, he can’t be worse than what we’ve got now.

So with nothing changing about the Knicks, the only logical conclusion is that this is all about Phil.

Until I see a scanned copy of an actual contract signed by Phil Jackson and James Dolan, I refuse to believe this is happening. I still think it’s a leverage move for a Lakers’ job or Phil just likes being in the news and seeing fans clamor for him to come back.

But if this really is happening (as all the latest indications say it is), then Phil Jackson doesn’t just think he’s good. He thinks he is a freaking wizard.

Phil is 68, so let’s say for the sake of conjecture, being the competitive guy he is, he’s not in this thing for the money (he doesn’t need it), he’s not in it for the fame (he’s got it), and let’s say he’s in it because he wants to go down as a successful GM/President or whatever. He’s got MAYBE five years to get it done. I’m not saying he’s gonna die at 73, I’m just saying I don’t think he’ll still be working a front office job past 73.

He’s a competitive dude. If he’s going in, he’s going all-in. He thinks he can make the Knicks – not just winners, again – but champions. Anything short would sort of tarnish his legacy. Would you rather go down as “Phil Jackson: Champion basketball player, Legendary Coach” or “Phil Jackson: Champion basketball player, Legendary Coach, Decent GM” Please. If this thing is for real, he wants to resurrect the Knicks. Resurrection doesn’t mean get the two or three seed in the East and lose to the Heat/Pacers in the playoffs (the Knicks did that last year without Phil), it means the #1 spot.

The question becomes, “how?” Is this even remotely realistic? Let’s step into a perfect world and see how it would work:

Step One: Balance of Power must be restored in the Eastern Conference.

The Heat’s dominance ends in 2014. Maybe Wade gets hurt in the playoffs or maybe the Pacers really are as good as I keep saying they are and they beat the Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals. This spurs Lebron to look for greener pastures (Chicago, LA, Cleveland, who knows). Summer 2015: A year later, the demanding contractual realities of having Roy Hibbert, Paul George and a stellar support cast set in for the Pacers and their core begins breaking up. (Probability of occurring: 50%)

 

Step Two: Dump Andrea Bargnani and his stupid, stupid contract in 2014 (probability: 95%)

Step Three: Find a gem in the second round in 2014 (no first rounder) (probability, 20%)

Step Four: The Knicks tank 2014-2015 (to the best of their ability)

The Knicks can’t tank according to the rules of tanking (see Bill Simmons piece, or just watch what the Sixers are doing to perfection). This is what happens when you amnesty the wrong freaking guy. This is what happens when mortgage your future on big stars already in – or past – their primes for $20 mil salary deals. You lose draft picks, and you have to wait for guys like Amare’s contracts to wear out. But! Thanks to a wonderful rule that handcuffs idiots like Dolan from trading consecutive first round picks, the Knicks do have a first-round pick in 2015. So what do you do? TANK. (Probability of occurring: 70%)

Step Five: Dump Amare Stoudemire and his stupid, stupid, STUPID contract in 2015 (probability: 100%)

Step Six: Hit the draft lottery jackpot (and don’t screw up the pick)

This pick has to be a slam-dunk. A no-doubter. I’m talking a Jahlil Okafor-like guy who goes down as one of the best first-round picks in Knicks history. He doesn’t have to be a Lebron, but he needs to be at least a Bosh, an Anthony Davis, a Lamarcus Aldridge. (Probability: 10%)

Step Seven: Phil Jackson convinces a big-time Free Agent to come to the Knicks simply based on who he is and what playing in the Garden is like.

Big-time (possible) upcoming Free Agents:

Lebron James (can opt out 2014/2015, 2016 UFA)

Wade/Bosh (2014 opt out)

Marc Gasol (2015 UFA)

Lamarcus Aldridge (2015 UFA)

Rajon Rondo (2015 UFA)

Klay Thompson (2015 RFA)

Kyrie Irving (2015 RFA)

Kevin Durant (UFA 2016)

Kevin Love (opt-out 2015, 2016 UFA)

Roy Hibbert (2016 UFA)

Damian Lillard (2016 RFA)

Dwight Howard (2016 opt out)

I’ve come to believe that anything is possible in today’s NBA. Remember that sometimes the biggest moves aren’t made in free agency, but actually in the year right before a player can hit FA. Teams loaded with draft picks paired with the ability to sign and trade make marquee trades not only possible, but desirable for teams with stars that even hint they might leave in free agency.

If you asked me five years ago about the probability of high level guys like these coming to play for a Knicks’ team that has no one, I would say it’s pretty low. But today, if the Knicks cleared out the cap space and made a good pick in the lottery, I could see them landing a Klay Thompson-type guy in 2015/2016 first and maybe make a run at Durant but settle for a Kevin Love in 2016. (Probability: 45%)

Step Eight: Hire a coach with a chip on their shoulder

Candidates:

–          Jeff Van Gundy

–          Stan Van Gundy

–          George Karl

“Hell hath no fury like a coach, scorned” (Probability: 75% – people like coaching the Knicks for some sadistic reason)

Step Nine: Trade Iman Shumpert

This one kills me, because I love what the kid can do defensively when he’s right, but he’s developed too many bad habits in the old “catch and shoot the 3!” Knicks and some GM will definitely overpay him and overtrade for him. Keep Hardaway though… Gotta love Hardaway. (Probability: 60%)

Step Ten: Win a championship around your 2015 pick, your two big FA pick-ups in 2015/2016, with your new coach in a watered-down Eastern Conference (Probability: 1%)

And that’s what Phil is up against coming to New York assuming this isn’t some stunt. I just don’t see it happening. I think it’s pretty clear that while Dolan is a terrible owner, he would work well managing any PR department because this just reeks of desperate publicity stunt. But maybe Phil Jackson really is that good. Maybe I’m overestimating how dire the Knicks’ future is.  But I’m damn sure not shelling out $100+ for decent seats in the Garden to watch a terrible team that’s vaguely managed by a guy who used to be a legendary coach.

Ahh crap. Who am I kidding? Of course I will. I’m a Knicks fan.