I am back. And say hello to my 98 hooks! Come on, pelicans!
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Clearing the list. Airplane rant. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me and sorry to be away for that long. Traveling back from my work trip in Miami evidently to Denver snow. There was no time for blogging in either the time off part or the work part of the trip. Schedule was full. My legal pad is two sheets deep from the last few days, we are at cruising altitude, and my PC battery is full for the moment. Let’s do this. Some of the older news I might just touch on, and I am just glad to be ranting again.
2) Blogging in a hotel room just really isn’t as much fun when there is a beach a few minutes away.
3) How long have they been doing this “NFL Honors” thing? I am confused. I don’t remember this little get together yearly. Must be new.
4) Thanks to Mr. Royal and Ben for filling in. One knew and one didn’t. Either way, the week was covered with some sort of material.
5) There are a LOT of people evidently trying to get on my Rant Quad this week. Just because I bent the rules for two guys last week doesn’t mean you all can go all haywire in your down time. Justin Bieber? You only play basketball for fun. That is not your primary occupation, and Ron Artest would NOT allow you to exist on the Squad. Therefore, whatever you did in South Florida today doesn’t qualify. Darren Sharper. Being arrested in LA for rape and possibly three other ones previously does not get you on the Rant Squad. My members can’t be in prison. You are out of action in that case. You are out.
6) Like LeBron being jealous of Kevin Durant’s shot attempts, I am jealous of Skip Bayless for being an absolute idiot and still somehow being on sports TV.
7) Ohio State is on my dated blog list twice, as they just keep on losing. I wouldn’t trust either them OR Wisconsin come tourney time. Too much reliance on people being hot from outside for Wisconsin, and not enough weapons for Ohio State. Michigan took down Wisconsin earlier this week.
8) Meanwhile, MY Wichita State Shockers are still undefeated. And if you missed the highlight reel dunk by them yesterday, you should find it online.
9) HOW did Villanova jump OVER Wichita State by the way in the rankings? That is ridiculous.
10) I can’t help you finding it. I am on an airplane.
11) I am totally sold on Syracuse as a Final Four team now. That being said, when is Enis going to actually start playing like someone NEW at that position. Stud, and not a huge drop off in quality from last year with Carter Williams. Amazing is what it is.
12) Did Serena Williams really lose the other day in the Aussie Open? I thought she would CRUISE through this tourney. Amazing defeat, but Ivanovic is a really, really good player. No harm in losing that one.
13) On the other side, Google has announced records for Google searches today for “Bieber” and “Stanislas Wawrinka.”
14) In the USA Today, Lindsey Vonn looks hotter than normal in an article about Tiger.
15) The Big 12 is totally confusing me in basketball. Texas stunned Kansas State last night. The Sooners beat Baylor earlier this week. Kansas is suddenly picking up its game and beat Oklahoma State the other day. Every time I decide that Oklahoma State is good enough for the Final Four, they lose within a day or two.
16) Bust out Cool Runnings. Congratulations to the Jamaican bobsled team for qualifying for the Olympics.
17) When someone figures out how a talented team like UCLA is losing to teams like Utah, please let me know. Rest in peace, Rick, but these aren’t YOUR Utah teams. UCLA needs to own that one.
18) I went to see my parents in Vero Beach over the weekend. Lindsey and I took some of the scenic way down to Miami at least until we hit Palm Beach. So….is the A1A that runs along the coast what Vanilla Ice talks about “before Detroit Avenue?“ No idea. Just throwing it out there.
19) Lindsey met my parents the other day. Everything went fine until I found out that along with Lindsey that not only is MY family addicted to Candy Crush, but that my brother is about 20 levels AHEAD of Lindsey. Apparently, this game of Sugar Mash goes higher than 400 levels.
20) Just like Mr. Royal coined the term Ringwalled, we have decided that we need a term for the Browns coaching situation. I put some thought into this and might have something. If Molly Ringwald is an ugly chick that convinced the 1980’s that she was good looking. I need a good looking chick that really irritates us maybe? Maybe just me? Maybe one that somehow comes across as ugly? How about “Bullocked.” I like it, and it is my blog. The Browns are getting Bullocked.
21) I am very aware that it really makes no sense what I just did. I think I just wanted to make a verb out of Sandra’s name. I can work on flowcharting this if you would like.
22) Oh, and the reason I brought that up is because I think three more guys turned down the Browns since I last wrote a blog.
23) I am hearing the Browns might trade up to snag Johnny Manziel. Perfect. We don’t really NEED more reasons to make fun of the Browns, but at least I know the holster is absolutely maxed out.
24) Congrats to Mark Cuban for getting his farewell fine from David Stern. A little too scripted for my taste, but I see you working.
25) Was I still writing? I was still trying to figure out what the hell “Bullocked” means.
26) Did I really see that Dennis Rodman checked into rehab? Isn’t that just known as “home?” Or shouldn’t it? Has Lindsey Lohan and Dennis hooked up? Did someone trick Rodman and tell him his North Korean buddy was through the door? I feel so out of touch.
27) I am on an airplane happy to be getting back from East Coast stress, although I will say that outside of drivers who are the worst thing ever, Miami wasn’t too bad. And with the whole water thing…thumbs up all around.
28) The drinking water in Vero Beach and Miami was horrible. Made me appreciate living in CO so much more. So, is it that the water barely passes some regulations but then tastes horrible? Can’t they put a drop or two of Mio in that main tank before it is sent elsewhere?
29) Tanaka signs with the Yankees. Seven years, $155 million. Well, THAT is a surprise. Just when we thought the Yankees were trying to be less flashy and not all about just spending money. Anyway, I like the signing. Everyone is worried about whether his skills will translate to the MLB from Japan. First of all, the Japanese league isn’t that bad at all from a skill level point of view, and we already have several examples over here over the years that support that fact. Second, 24-0 and a 1.2 something ERA translates to MINIMALLY decent no matter WHERE you are coming from.
30) The New York Giants most likely will not re-sign WR Hakeem Nicks. That makes sense. Why not take AWAY a weapon from Eli Manning after his interception full year? Sure.
31) Ok. Maybe I am just bitter about having him on my fantasy team at the beginning of the year. That is probably it.
32) Congrats to Bruce Springsteen for getting his 11th album to #1. That is elite. Love that guy. There were two male artists I remember singing on the school bus. Bruce and Bon Jovi. One obviously a little higher quality than that Sayreville guy.
33) Sayreville,. Go listen to Raise your Hands again. Bon Jovi.
34) We saw a guy in Vero Beach who was obviously homeless. BUT, he had a fishing rod. Brilliant. We sat on the A1A waiting for a drawbridge for 10 minutes, and the guy brought at least 3 fish in while we were there. We drove the next few miles feeling bad for the bums we saw WITHOUT fishing rods.
35) Clowney has informed the media that he will be “amazing” at the NFL Combine. That makes sense. Since he took the entire season off, he should be pretty fresh and rested.
36) San Fran lost. After everything I said. I know. Watching the game, they SHOULD have won-had PLENTY of chances. You can’t have mental letdowns against a defense like Seattle’s. Kaepernick and others did. Bottom line, we have an incredible Super Bowl awaiting with more Richard Sherman interviews, weather reports galore, and two weeks for people to find new ways to make money off of the word “Omaha.” Since I am out of the office pool with the San Fran loss, I am all about the fantasy pool now. So, I have decided to finally root for my home football team in the game. They deserve that support after 16 years out here. Go Peyton. GO Peyton. Go-o-o-o PEYTON. I am still working on this. My initial prediction is Denver 28-20.
37) There are a record number of underclassmen in the NFL draft this year. Luckily, there are no Ryan Leaf conspiracy theories with this group given the lack of QB acumen.
38) Ryan Leaf was so lovable. I think we should interview him about SOMETHING at least once a week and televise it.
39) Roger Goodell will sit outside at the Super Bowl. You BETTER, buddy. You dug this ditch so you need to be outside with the rest of Super Bowl attendees and random Jersey people.
40) Lolo Jones was selected for the US Olympic bobsled team. Good, and congrats, Lolo. This makes it a given we will have idiotic tweets from you. I am pumped.
41) Shaun White is a lot more indecisive about the X Games than he is with telephones.
42) If you are in South Beach, depending on the night, Nikki Beach and The Clevelander are two great spots to hit. Nikki Beach was cool-right on the …well, beach. There just happened to be karaoke at The Clevelander, so Lindsey and I sang. I put on my usual performance of Sweet Child O Mine, and Lindsey and Gloria Gaynor made the finals for a $100 beer tab. Barely lost. Good times.
43) I am glad I won at poker the other night. It covered maybe a lunch and half a dinner in South Beach. Ugghhh.
44) SO confusing as an ex-bartender about them including the tip in the amount.
45) I had notes on the Broncos game, but it seems like so long ago with my missed days. Congrats, Broncos and Broncos fans.
46) Finding a simple “sports bar” in South Beach to watch the Broncos game was hard. And with that many foreigners down there, when I asked about football, they probably think I am looking for a soccer match.
47) I still like that Jetta commercial with the two guys road tripping and learning Spanish. “Vamamos.”
48) Why are hotel pillows SO much better than ANY freaking pillow sold at any other store in the entire world? Can I BUY them, or is this some pillow conspiracy that makes me travel?
49) I hear Greg Oden’s birthday was yesterday. If anyone sees him, tell him I passed along Happy Birthday to the 72 year old.
50) Ben and I were trying to figure out the last white player drafted #1 in the NBA draft. We ended up having to look it up. 1974. Guess who it freaking was? My man (sarcastic), and the man, the myth, the legend (all sarcastic). Bill Walton. You can check it yourself, and know we were excluding light skinned foreign guys.
51) Wow. With some of the names being thrown around in this rant, it is a BAD one to not do my pictures for. But, I made Logan and other people who read this at work promises. Pictures on the weekend. Got it.
52) Do you think Maria Sharapova lost her last match at the Aussie because she was so excited that Serena was out? There goes the porn star for more matches. Dammit.
53) OKC Thunder have won a bunch in a row, and unless you live in a bubble, you know that Kevin Durant is beyond hot recently. And this is all WITHOUT Westbrook. TELLING you. OKC with Westbrook over the Pacers in 7 games in the Finals.
54) Miami is fun because you could walk by a random small sandwich or coffee shop and there is the most energetic, bouncy music playing at full blast.
55) And I found the place from last trip that I didn’t know the name of but would recognize in South Beach. Finnegan’s. If you are in South Beach and having problems finding a place to watch sports, go there. Reasonably priced also.
56) We had a Groupon for Gold and Pepper. Right near Nikki Beach. We had a hankering for Italian food. Whatever they put in that gold ravioli, it is just incredible. Highly recommend it for a place that isn’t on Lincoln Blvd and broadcasting Brazilian-Mexican-Italian Cuisine or some other weird combination of multi-cultural foods.
57) Richard Sherman apologizing kind of takes some of the fun out of making fun of him. I wish he would just be all thug-like without apologies. Because how many thugs come out of Palo Alto?
58) I have seen it 100 times. I think the Welker hit was fine. Let me rephrase that. I think it is fine with the PRESENT NFL rules. If they want to change the rule, then I get it. Otherwise, can we stop talking about it? It is what it is.
59) Hey, Navarro Bowman. Feel free to give me a call. I hear you have a torn ACL AND MCL. I can talk to you. I had that with a helping of a torn quadriceps at the same time. Good times. Get better, man.
60) I am sure Russia is really excited about the U.S. having ‘warships ready” for the Olympic games. I am sure we all are. Lolo Jones is going to end up doing something stupid to trigger them.
61) The Nets crushed the Knicks the other night in the “we are still trying to figure out exactly how each of you suck” game.
62) Percy Harvin will be OK for the Super Bowl.. Until he takes that first hit, we will just say that it is a strong addition, but you all in Seattle might want to make sure you are designing plays WITHOUT him also.
63) Never happened before. The first thing I do on a work trip when I enter the hotel room is take my hung clothes out, hang them in the bathroom, and then turn the shower on at full blast to “iron” the clothes. I set off the freaking fire alarm Tuesday. I am not up to speed on advancements, but can’t the thing tell the difference between smoke and steam? If not, it SHOULD be able to, dammit. I caused a slight scene.
64) Daytona Race Track will host a college football game in 2015.That should be fun. A lot of people are going to be confused when they show up and there aren’t any left turns.
65) Quicken Loans and Berkshire are paying someone $1 billion for a perfect bracket in the NCAA tourney. That is good money that won’t have to be spent. Of course, I WILL throw my name in the hat and watch as some 8 year old who asked his pet parrot the winners on each game and how close he came.
66) Or those chicks who pick by favorite colors…ugghhh.
67) Bobby Abreu is back with the Phillies…in the minor leagues. Welcome back, Bobby. The clubhouse will be alive with everyone asking him what it was like being overpaid for his particular skill set for all of those years.
68) I have noticed myself using the word “skedaddle” more than someone like me should use it.
69) The Lions have hired Vince Lombardi’s grandson as their next Offensive Coordinator. Along with having winning blood in his genes, he answered the key interview question correctly when asked. Word is it has to do with something about how many years Matt Millen set the team back with this draft picks. I think the correct answer is “not quite as long as Isiah Thomas did with the Knicks.”
70) You know what is weird? Millen drafted like 17 WR’s in the early rounds it felt like, and now we get to 2014 and the ship is righting and WHAT do they need? A WR.
71) Ok. Now my jet skiing trip. In South Beach, the going rate is $89 for 30 minutes. Way expensive. So, Lindsey found a “jet ski tour” on Groupon for $175 for 90 minutes. Killer deal. It was incredible and EXACTLY the way I wanted to see that particular town. We got 20 minutes at the end to air it out on individual jet skis, the guide was great, we have photos to go along with it, some smooth speed, some rough air…etc. We saw the house from Scarface, Gloria Estefan’s and Shaq’s old houses, Oprah and Tom Cruise’s getaway (not together…well, maybe), and the largest house on Starr Island. I forget the name. It was the inventor of Viagara. Enough said. Anyway, do the jet ski tour if you go to Miami. My best time on a jet ski pretty much ever.
72) Yes. I really, really like jet skis.
73) I am a picky eater. I needed to have an appetizer at that Italian place I mentioned, but didn’t like anything on the list. We went with eggplant. I still have NO idea what exactly it is, still would not order it solely, but will say it was pretty damn good. By the way, why WOULD I be scared my entire life of something with the word “egg” in it? I LOVE eggs. I am silly.
74) My other colleagues are hilarious. Ben and I talked sports as is norm when him and I are hanging out. I learned this week that “Peter” knows everything there is to know about music.” Daring line I didn’t hear anything that went against the claim, but we didn’t exactly sit there and quiz him. And Robert is the guy whose monologues are priceless. He reminds me sometimes of the Family Guy episode where Peter does the “you know what really grinds my gears” rants. Anyway, during one of these rants, we learned that the craziest concert Robert has ever been to was Heart, and that he can NEVER tell us about what happened after the concert. Within this same hour or so, Robert also barked at a dog and stopped and talked with someone who may or may not have been Florida’s former governor (Robert says it was). Interesting. Peter and Robert also added to our world’s words. Robert busted out “studmonster “ in one of his rants. That is funny. Peter would describe roads and alleys that were kind of shady as “rapey.”
75) I am excited to tell stories about Mark Sanchez like 25 years from now. I get the feeling his name might be dropped within 20 seconds or so of guys like Ryan Leaf, Jeff George, and JaMarcus Russell.
76) Hey. Jeff George DID win something. He is the least loser on that list.
77) Why is the media reporting to us on a main headline that Tom Brady doesn’t really care about watching the Super Bowl game? There HAS to be something going on in Jai-Lai or polo or something.
78) Seriously, am I missing something? WHAT is so exciting about this new NFL Pro Bowl process? What?
79) I got an idea for this damn Pro Bowl. We could do it like baseball to a lesser degree. The winner of the Pro Bowl Game gets home field advantage next year in the Super Bowl in the way that it would at least be held at one of their conference team’s stadiums. So, the AFC winning the Pro Bowl might mean it would be held at San Diego or Denver. This of course would never work as they determine where the Super Bowls are at WAY beforehand, but I am just talking aloud, people.
80) UVA basketball took down UNC the other night. UVA is going to be slightly scary come March. Initially, they were a great defensive team with one single scoring option. Now, they have players who are improving. Brogdon, Anderson, and my boy, London Perrantes (Compton blood at Mr. Jefferson’s school-LOVE it), have all come along. If Joe Harris can start doing anything close to last year in scoring, this team will be a Sweet 16 threat.
81) Adrian Peterson was voted “player other players would most like to see in Super Bowl.” That is adorable. MY question is how I get one of these jobs of just putting out random anonymous surveys? I mean, SOMEONE has to be thinking these bad boys up, right? Useless.
82) The Knicks are named the most valuable team with the Lakers being second. Obviously, one has done a few more things right than the other team when it comes to WINNING with that load of money.
83) I can’t believe I haven’t really thought about this over the years. What IF MJ was told to play baseball for two years as a deal for not busting him for gambling. How has that escaped me all of these years? It came up in conversation the other night.
84) We went out for drinks and a friend of a friend of a friend was Lindsey’s friend who happened to live there. Dude does porn for a living. The questions couldn’t come fast enough of what I was asking. Laundry list. Fun conversation. Thanks for answering them all, Tyler.
85) Lefty has said that he might win a “couple” of US Opens instead of just one. My, my my. I have two questions. What makes you suddenly think that thing is easy to win now that you have some Majors, and WHY are we talking about that tournament instead of The Masters, which is first? I don’t care about your career Grand Slam, Lefty.
86) Vince Young has filed for bankruptcy. That makes sense. He is probably getting loaded in his apartment right now watching that 2005 Championship game taking the Wonderlic at the same time. Don’t worry, Vince. There are NO fees to be on the Rant Squad, and you are in good standing. Send me a copy of that Chapter 11 thing though so I can put it in your file.
87) Two other places to check out on the other side of the bay in Miami. Actually three places. The Butcher Shop has fantastic burgers, Tradewinds has great seafood AND the perfect on the dock view, and Wood’s Tavern is just plain fun. Good work on the recommendations, Jose (Miami office colleague).
88) Hey, Washington, aren’t we a LITTLE more progressed that kids don’t have to lose jobs over wearing Broncos jerseys to work? And, your team is not exactly all old school that you should be acting like YOU are old school.
89) You are not.
90) The Wooden top 25 was just released. I didn’t look at it. If anyone besides Doug McDermott wins the award, there will be serious problems somewhere.
91) I did NOT know this. I was talking with one of our clients during the training. They were from UCF. I haven’t had time to look and confirm this, but they said that they are #2 in total enrollment nationwide. Arizona State is first. I would never have guessed. Thanks for the info, Ron and Joe. I will check it out.
92) Who is freaking LEFT at the Aussie on the women’s side? Is Li Na the highest person left?
93) I think one of the first things I need to do when plane goes wheels down is find out when the Nadal-Federer match is. It will probably be smack dab in the middle of my night, but maybe they have made their schedule more U.S. friendly on school nights.
94) So, we finally don’t need to worry about Josh Brent again pursuing a football career. And the Rant Squad doesn’t condone those serious types of offenses nor will it wait for you to get outside of jail walls.
95) FSU QB Jacob Coker will translate to Alabama. Might as well. You know McCarron’s old job is up for grabs and you KNOW you aren’t starting for at least another year,
96) David Ortiz says he would like a contract extension through 2015. I get this. Showing allegiance. Getting paid while you can, etc. And you DID have a stellar postseason. But, you are up there in years, and if I am the Red Sox, and there is no WAY I am paying that higher amount for a mostly DH.
97) When we were at Tradewinds, I found it odd that the soup special at this nice seafood restaurant outside on the actual docks was chicken noodle.
98) That is it. I am sleepy. I feel cleansed. Time to start a new list. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.