I am here for a wedding. I don’t mind not having electricity. I mind not knowing I won’t have it when I pack…

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Airplane rant.  Semi-short flight.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1)       Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for joining me.  Heading to Milwaukee and then driving three hours north into the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin for another wedding.  We are staying at a place with electricity, but we are already hearing the town had a power outage.  Damn.  Forgot my portable heater, headlamp, and warm clothes.

2)      A.P. predicts his first carry this weekend will be a touchdown.  That is adorable.  Gotta love the guy for his manner, and we can’t really doubt him after his comeback from serious injury, but I have a feeling this will most likely be an up the gut gain for three yards.  Sorry, bro.  I think it will  be very much a lot about nothing.  Once again though, I love your style.

3)      Congrats to Jim Kelly, who is now cancer free.  Stay well, sir.

4)      At takeoff, Cam Newton was either day to day, a game time decision, or on pace to start depending on where you get your news.  I feel for the guy that he can’t even start his first game of 2014, but I feel worse that I believe his Panthers and him are taking a step back this season.  Less about their skill level overall, and more about the teams around him getting better.  Well, AND a little about the level of his team.

5)      In case you cared or were losing sleep, rest assured as a source has given us very good information.  Brian Cashman’s job is safe.  Whhheeeeewww (wiping forehead).  I was worried about the guy who is given all the money possible to play with and no boundaries.

6)      At least if the 49ers don’t make the Super Bowl, we know they are doing ok financially to pay everyone.  Their seat hikes were tops in the league.

7)      The US basketball team is still undefeated in FIBA play.  They have played absolutely no one of note, but yay for them.  Kenneth Faried is playing amazing.  But, they have played no one.  Spain on the distant horizon.

8)      I work a lot and am very busy, and I know this because I didn’t even check fantasy matchups when starting my players.  I know this because I think I would have thought a little harder about starting Aaron Rodgers against the Seahawks last night.

9)      Seattle looks really good still, ya think?

10)   I was reading the paper up here above the globe and stumbled on an article about the Axe Bat.  Brilliant.  Patented in 2007, used by a good amount of younger baseball teams, used by two MLB’ers presently, has an axe handle shape at the base instead of just being round, and adds to my list of shit I wish I would have invented that actually was in my wheelhouse.

11)   Yes.  Wheelhouse.  I chopped a lot of wood as a kid.  A lot.  Because Rocky did it.  And because we actually made fires that needed real wood.  Anyway, I had my own axe.  I could have thought of the Axe Bat.  Dammit.

12)   I really have started drinking Diet Dr. Pepper a lot lately.  Watch out, Coke Zero.

13)   I have some updates on my WordPress website of things I have no idea of what they do or why they are there.  But, at least they are all updated.

14)    I was watching some poker the other night (well, I was watching something else, the remote was on the couch and I was working, and poker came on) and there was some semi-pro Newey who was older, fatter, and not very good looking.  His wife was absolutely SMOKING hot.  Like, if they exited the place and walked down the strip, you would assume the guy had just bought a very expensive escort for the night.  Ridiculous.

15)   Google “deadspin how not to be an asshole when you fly.”

16)   Google “deadspin pam oliver new hires are young, blond, and hot.”

17)   Google “deadspin dallas why your team sucks.”

18)   Matt.  Lindsey is on 597.  Text me a Candy Crush/ Sugar Mash report.  I assume you are on 700, but just checking.

19)   Lindsey and I have decided we are tired of people talking about all of these cool shows that are only on NetFlix.  We are breaking down shortly to get it.  When did the HBO shows become not as cool?  And why is the violence so cool in Game of Thrones?  I will know soon enough.

20)   Federer was down two sets against Monfils and beat him.  Djokovic beat his friend and practice partner (occasionally), Andy Murray.  Two more no names to get out of the way before we have another Djokovic-Federer final.  You know, while Nadal is crossing out days on his calendar until the next French Open.

21)   Glad I was pick 3 and 4 in my fantasy drafts.  Mr. Lacy would have been hanging out staring me down at pick #5, and now I would be mad he was concussed today.

22)   Jameis Winston is being investigated by the school to follow the NCAA rules of some sort.  You didn’t hear it from me, but I hope while they are pretending to actually DO the investigation while watching their team steamroll opponents, I hope SOME juicy nugget drops on the wrong ears and we find out the ugly truth.

23)   Yeah, Geno.  Stop being nice and calling young girls for basketball recruiting.  Just kidding, Geno.  This rules thing is literally like the dumbest thing ever.  Mo’ne drops a hint she wants to play basketball for UCONN.  Mo’ne kicks more ass at the LLWS.  Geno thinks it would be nice to give her a call to congratulate her.  NCAA says it is wrongful recruiting.  Geez.  Let the guy congratulate a freaking kid.

24)   You know, after thinking about it, the Arizona Diamondbacks just haven’t really done anything outside of the Randy-Curt thing.  They fired Towers.

25)   Ok.  This list is a little longer than I thought, and I am ignoring Lindsey because I am writing.  We are turning it up a notch.

26)   My not so final because I might change it tomorrow Super Bowl pick is…New Orleans over Denver.  Sorry, Bronco fans.  It is going to happen again.  Just not as ugly of a game.

27)   Thanks for letting us know that in eight years, ND and Ohio State football will play a home and home.  Anyone else find this odd timing?  Last time Notre Dame and MICHIGAN play is this year and Ohio State makes this fantastic announcement about the year 2022?  Hmmmm.

28)   Yes.  Lolo Jones will do Dancing With Stars.  Wait.  Why am I excited?  I was initially excited because I would have more ammo in teasing her, but then I realize I don’t watch the show.  I didn’t even watch it when my boy Hines Ward was on it.  Moving on.  I hope you fall, Lolo.  Or do something stupid.

29)   I might not like the Ravens as I am a Steelers fan, but I will say this.  That Ray Lewis statue is absolutely BADASS.  That is like the best statue ever…him doing his pregame dance and all.

30)   Well, I personally hope that 9 foot Joe Frazier statue that is being made for the streets of Philly is better.

31)   The Rockies give Jorge De La Rosa 2 years/ $25 million for his contract.  They have to at least APPEAR that they would pay a decent pitcher, right?

32)   You can think what you want.  I am thinking Wes Welker did some amphetamine laced molly.  Or maybe I just wanted to write that sentence.  I don’t know.  He seems like he might play hard in the offseason.  If I am right, I am not sure about a horse race being the best place for it.  Just saying.

33)   Glad the Cowboys picked up Michael Sam for their practice squad.  I truly hope he makes the actual team, but hope presently we are not bombarded with film and reports from the practice squad every day.

34)   I would like to go have beers with Florida coach Will Muschamp.  Maybe like dive bar or stripper bar beers.  Dude sounds fun.  He is never afraid to confront the media, and did so again this week.  I love your energy and style, Will, but the media DOES have a point.  How do you suspend players, have the game postponed, and then lift the suspension?  How were they punished if the game they were supposed to be suspended for hasn’t happened yet?

35)   It is freaking IDAHO, man.

36)   Is RGII TRYING to not be liked?  When did he decide to get rid of the Mr. Perfect image coming out of Baylor and replace it with a me against the world guy?  Dude.  Just go learn the new offense, learn to slide, and let your actions do the talking.

37)   Turbulence.  Yay.

38)   I don’t bring my work into my blog ever, but I will say booking a hotel for a work trip to Detroit when they play the opening Monday Night Football game at home…is quite difficult.

39)   Who is Kei Nishikori?  He is about to get smoked by Djokovic and is the first Japanese man in 96 years in the US Open semi’s.  Tell your friends.

40)   A former Oregon Duck tight end says he was offered a house and car to go play there.  I just assume that stuff happens.  But, for a tight end?  A house AND car?  What the hell does Oregon promise the QB’s and RB’s?

41)   So, since I was late for the show for Brazil, am I supposed to start looking into Russian hotels NOW?

42)   Josh Gordon is becoming in his free time a “goodwill ambassador” for a car company.  And this involves on the floor sales time.  I would go in there to car shop if I lived there, and think it is a good marketing ploy, and maybe will keep him away from Cheetos and pot.  That being said, I would love to be a fly on the wall when someone who knew nothing about sports interrupted the car sale by saying “Hey, man.  Anyone ever tell you that you should play football?  Great build for it.”

43)   Peyton is so cool.  Love how he backed Tom Brady by echoing the sentiment he will play until he sucks.

44)   I don’t know their schedule off the top of my head, but I wouldn’t worry too much about losing the starting WR if I am a Baylor Bears fan.  I am pretty sure they have enough weapons to make it by.  They just need the dude for their trip to Norman later this season.  That will be a HELL of a game.  I can feel Lindsey already getting nervous.

45)   Well, not really.  She cares more about kicking the hell out of Texas right now more than worrying about Baylor coming to Lindsey Street in Norman.

46)   Yes, she is named after the main drag at OU.  Not lying.  So cool.

47)   I needed a waterproof jacket.  I found one at the Taste of Colorado and found out I did pay $80 under the online price.  It is Loki jacket, and does all of the things I look for in a jacket (I like things with gadgets).  It has a hood, facemask, built in gloves, like 50 pockets, and folds into a tiny backpack.  Gangster.

48)   Have I blogged since the Louisville game?  Well, whatever.  They are going to give FSU a run at their own crib later this year.  Love that trap game.

49)   Especially if Crab Legs gets busted.

50)   I am without links, but Google “John Elway’s Aspen Mansion.”  That thing is just sick and wrong.

51)   JJ Watt just got a $100 million contract.  He is happy, the Texans are happy, and the Texans probably will still suck for a lot of those years.

52)   Players and fans in an anonymous  poll say the Skins name is fine.  Word to that.  Can this thing just go away and can we play football?

53)   Initial descent in 10 minutes.  Up another notch.

54)   The Steelers think they might see a two QB system when the Browns visit.  Good.  I need Troy Polamalu to have a clean shot on Johnny Cleveland.

55)   That is what he is calling himself these days.  Patent request and all.

56)   The Raiders named Derek Carr their starter for the season.  That rookie might end up being good, but those Raiders fans are seriously…ummm…uhhh….doing whatever Raiders fans do when they get sad or frustrated.  Call the cops preemptively.

57)   Too short of flight to go through lines or the USA Today fun stuff and charts.  So, I will just have to tell you about them on the way back…or the flight to Detroit I take about 8 hours after getting home Sunday night.  Don’t worry.  I will keep a list.  That bright yellow legal pad list everyone questions when I pull it out.  It is like that Cheers episode where the old guy in the corner writes stuff on a piece of paper.  “What are you writing about?  Me?.”

58)   I am very excited to start traveling with my discount bought TRX Force I just got in the mail.  That thing is going wherever I go.  I will be working out outside, downstairs at work, wherever.   I will be ripped.

59)   Josh Brent can return to the Cowboys after 10 weeks.  He deserves to try and right things, and being that he is about as massive as a redwood tree trunk, I would say football is probably the best bet.  Not many desks made for him or anything.

60)   The Yankees will wear a Derek Jeter patch for the rest of this season.  That is adorable and a great gesture.  So who was behind and decided to just start doing it NOW????

61)   I will just wait and be patient about more 49ers/ drugs/ domestic assaults/ drinking stories from MacDonald’s birthday party.  We can just wait it out, people.  Any day now.

62)   I will make you a deal, T-Bone.  If you have one more game like the last, I will call you Kenny Trill.  Deal?

63)   The T-Bone joke was a Seinfeld thing.  You either know it or you don’t.

64)   I would like the entire world to know that I took apart sink parts after we noticed it leaking, put the parts back together, and now it works.  This is monumental, a monstrous accomplishment for me, and I expect my own statue any day now.  We have a large enough patio for a statue.

65)   Kershaw.  17-3. 1.70 ERA.  And he scored a run himself to help his own cause.  Dirty, dirty, dirty.  Love that guy, even with what I said the other day about pitchers winning MVP awards.

66)   Ok.  Done the list, and descending down into Milwaukee before driving way north to a cabin/ lake/ hopefully electricity.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.

67)   And on the edit/ release…we had no electricity for most of the night.  A headlamp would have been gangster.