I’m Batman.
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. On another airplane with a window seat this time (just had a middle seat on first leg of flight and it was hell to say the least). Nowhere to go, lots more on the legal pad list. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. This will be yesterday’s rant by the time this is posted. Once again, my intern went back to college, and I don’t have the time to edit this. For all of you grammatical people out there, it is what it is. And the heading was written before I got on the plane. I have an open seat next to me is the good news. The flight is either shorter than I thought or the pilot is doing that flying faster shit after a delay (cue Seinfeld). I only have a little over an hour. Let’s go (am I EVER going to be able to write this thing with hours to kill??? I am ALWAYS in a rush on this thing.).
2) The Cavs deal for Kevin Love is now complete. Well, kind of. The Suns were laying out some last gasp when I got on the plane. Nice try, Suns. Eric Bledsoe doesn’t want your 4/48 contract, and you lazily try and maneuver a last minute deal. Show the same kind of insight in trades you show when you built your nice roster over the last couple years.
3) The NFL docks Jimmy Graham $30k for him dunking over goalposts. Good. It is one thing when it was cool. It is another thing that now there is a rule against it. It is ANOTHER thing when he doesn’t even do it after a huge play in a meaningful game…he did it in a glorified practice.
4) Really, Coach? I have barely gotten over the high that you chose Hoyer over Manziel and you do WHAT? Two QB system is “on the table??” You are freaking killing the Captain of the Johnny Manziel hate club. KILLING me.
5) Maybe you can start Hoyer versus the Steelers, let Johnny play a couple plays in the open field, and Troy Polamalu can show people he is still agile and young. Yeah.
6) Yeah. I know Troy is old and slow.
7) Nice, Mo’ne. Not often the LLWS gets a 3.4 rating on the tube. You might have lost, but your statement to the game and sports is ongoing. Trust me. I am a big fan…and not only because you are a Philly girl.
8) There are two people I THINK are a couple sitting opposite the aisle of me. I think so. Maybe they are lovable brother sister, which would explain things more to me. Dude, just throw on the ring. You are the ex-athlete guy who decided to get fat when you nailed a smoking hot girl, look in the mirror and know you are overachieving, and just marry her. Maybe he slipped one through the goalie early and she is a faithful woman who just wants a white fence.
9) The Pack fans got voted best fans in the NFL. I could concur with that. I sure as HELL wouldn’t concur that Broncos fans are #2 though. Obviously, the survey was decided by people who don’t live in Denver. Definitely not Ravens #5. Steelers at #7? Remember, I love my Steelers, but not necessarily other Steeler fans. If we are talking “loyal” fans, put us in the top 3. If we are talking “best” fans, I am ok with #7.
10) I am just poking fun, Denver fans. Don’t get all sensitive on me.
11) On the fans note, go to Deadspin today (yesterday). The daily edition of “Why your team sucks” is out. Today was the Steelers. Hilarious read. Read the fan notes/ responses after. You will roll off the couch.
12) Actually, new rule for you people not reading Deadspin. When you choose an article, do NOT stop after the article. The comments are where the good stuff is.
13) You are silly Mr. Bell. You didn’t even know that pot smoking got you a DUI? So silly. Steeler Nation is so proud of you. Just when the whole Ben shit had started fading away.
14) I have gone on record in saying that NBA players should play for their country if they darn well want to. I will hedge that after this week by saying everyone except Derrick Rose ought to play if they want to. Bulls fans are squirming after your fatigue/ knee/ whatever injury this week. HEALTHY guys for the last two years can play for their country.
15) Sad about Garrett Richards, his injury, and the Angels. They were hot as hell, and he was their main man. So, I guess this means that maybe the Texas Ranger gentlemen should probably start earning their money? Perhaps? I am talking to you, Josh Hamilton, and YOU especially, CJ Wilson.
16) Maybe at some point I will put the Nashville pics up. Probably not. Sounds like a lot of energy. The moment is past. If you are my friend that thing I think is called Facebook, I think Lindsey has posted a bunch of pics on my wall. Probably a couple of myself and the to be Groom jamming out Devil Went Down to Georgia karaoke.
17) The Nats are who we thought they were. Ok. Winning is winning, but this ridiculous walkoff streak is memorizing and baffling. Wow. If that means my boy, Bryce is doing SOMETHING more than he was, than ok. Maybe he will get interviewed a couple times, say some nice things, and get off every “biggest jerks in sports” list I have seen.
18) Weird. Manziel’s fine for flipping the bird was not $10k, and not $15k. TWELVE k. Hey, Roger, in my business we have a pro serv calculator that allows us to determine hours for a project. Could you have your people send over whatever calculator you used to arrive at that fine number? Just curious. Thanks, Roger. Much love.
19) Harvey Updyke IS a jerk. We know this. He is the guy who poisoned the magical Auburn trees and they died. But, this is a little ridiculous. Dude signs up for an anti-cancer event where people will put him in a dunk tank and throw pie in his face. That is funny, seems righteous, and is for a good cause. They have to cancel the event due to death threats. Come on, Auburn.
20) The Red Sox got that Cuban phenom and locked him up for 7 years. Maybe they told him “Last place? No, Rusney. It is like golf. The lowest total wins.”
21) Think about that. In the AL, the Red Sox, Twins, and Rangers are ALL in last place in their division. I would say we were in the Twilight zone if that was the case about 5-10 years ago. What the HELL happened?
22) Oh. Forgot to add about that Cavs trade. The Timberwolves will also get Thaddeus Young from the Sixers in the deal. So, Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett, between the two of you, they just need 8 points and 6 rebounds, ok??? Wow, Kevin Love is a freaking stud.
23) The Fed Cup started this week in golf. Rory was getting grief for shooting a 74 on Thursday, but at plane boarding, I BELIEVE he just tidied up a nice little 65 today in his round. What am I talking about this for? Rory? No, I will fight it. Just because he won me money in a pool, I will NOT become a fan. Here out. Ok. I am solely a RICKIE FOWLER fan.
24) Has Jim Furyk looked the exact same age for like 20 years? He looked 55 in the early 90’s, and looks about 55 right about now. What’s funny is that he isn’t even 50 yet, so I can make this joke 10 more years from now. Note to self.
25) I like writing this on a plane. The time just “FLIES” by. Hardy har har. No. I just finished work at the airport. Not even drinking yet.
26) Wait. Why aren’t I drinking? That is just silly. I forgot I am technically on vacation now. Doing a combo work-play trip and forgot to transition mentally. Hell, I could have drank at the airport. What is WRONG with me?
27) AND I won a few bucks on my work trip at the casino. Even more reason. First time I ever sat down at a slot and won more than $100 on the first pull. Amazing with my itch I sometimes get, that I immediately cashed out and went to my room. My gambling lasted about 5 minutes. Improvements to myself have taken only about 41 years, but they are happening. Very. Slowly.
28) Maybe it is my Philly roots and growing up watching him. He has paid his dues. Can we get Pete Rose in the freaking HOF now? The new commissioner guy better have these three things on his hitlist when he signs on in 2015. Get rid of a playoff team on both sides, eliminate the ASG deciding World Series home team, and get Pete in the Hall. Got it, new guy?
29) Poor David Price. He pitches a freaking one hit GEM, and loses. Get him some runs, boys. I still think the Tigers win that division. Yes, SORRY, K.C. You are who we know you are.
30) Are the Bills fighting at practice to make us think they are all intense and different and have a winning attitude and different goals and stuff? Confused.
31) Tim Howard is taking a “year off” to be with his family but will still play for Everton. Obviously, he is club before country as they say, and obviously I didn’t know he lived full time wherever the hell Everton is. You deserve it, bro. I am still tired watching that freaking last loss and your saves.
32) Maybe you should step away from the Twitter app, RGIII. Do some fancy stuff on the field in regular season, learn to freaking slide, and THEN tweet some deep thought shit.
33) I remember why I subconsciously am not drinking yet even though I am on vacation now. Because even though I won money at the casino, I would STILL rather buy a lot of CHEAP beers than just a couple expensive beers. Still thrifty, or “financially efficient” as I like to say.
34) I am still mad that I got a boring small room and my colleagues got massive suites just because I am motivated, use my travel day fully, and like to check in my room early on trips and do serious work. They got the huge shower. Sad.
35) Sure, maybe the rankings dictated it a LITTLE, but come on. Federer’s US Open bracket is a breeze and everyone else got screwed. He has FERRER on his side. That is basically IT. The top half has Djokovic, Murray, Wawrinka, Tsonga, etc. That is brutal. Must be the “we will get you another one or two before you ride off into the sunset…”
36) And forget about an American doing anything. Check out Isner’s draw. He is screwed even more.
37) Interesting. The opening word in the World Scrabble Championship was “zilch.”
38) My diet over the last two weeks literally will make your arteries clog if I told you it. Let’s just say a week after eating a LOT of fried chicken and other stuff, I went to OK and had covered my steak for one dinner with chicken fried steak from another dinner after I had a bologna sandwich for lunch. I just eat. Can’t help it. I eat healthy at work though.
39) I have never been to Sturgis. Just a day and a short night there for a wedding, but I am excited to see it. Hope someone with a car wants to go to Mount Rushmore before the wedding. Never seen it, and forgot I was in the neighborhood.
40) Kershaw. 15-3, 3 hitter/ 10 k’s last start. Dirty. Boom goes the dynamite.
41) The Houston Astros long term plan is finally working. There are presently THREE teams they are better at in the MLB standings. SOLID progress.
42) There is a survey out that ranks comic book something/ e-bay whatever/ superheroes. I had no idea that Batman kicks the shit out of Superman in this realm. $30 mil last year to $13 mil? That is an ass whipping. And Batman is just a normal dude with gadgets and armor. Come on. I give the edge to the Fortress of Solitude over that shitty cave ANY day.
43) Great article on ESPN about Jared Lorenzen and his eternal fight against his weight.
44) Turbulence. YAY. Love it.
45) NOW I know what the hell the captain was saying a minute or two before.
46) Bad news for Baltimore. Manny Machado is going under the knife and done for the year. His stats haven’t been Manny like this year, but still a huge loss as you get near the postseason. Luckily, they play in that oddly crappy American League East. They will make it at least as the lack of better options.
47) I traveled with a couple new colleagues this week, and they were funny when I pulled out my blog list. “What are you writing? Is it about what I just said? What are you writing?” Don’t worry about it, all. You will KNOW if I am writing about you most likely as you probably did something pretty funny. Otherwise, my brain is just churning.
48) And for the record, no one did anything blog worthy, so all is good.
49) Dallas Airport calls their restrooms “toilets.” THAT is to the point.
50) FSU has the returnees and Heisman winner to make an easy case for #1. I looked at the schedule again today. They get Notre Dame, Florida, and Clemson ALL at home? I think these might be tougher than we think though. Notre Dame is the one team with the horses to run with them, Florida is semi-back and always has the horses, and Clemson is really good, and MIGHT be a pissed off 0-2 going INTO that game. Clemson might end up being the best 0-3 team in the last 25 years.
51) Who am I kidding? We just need Jameis to get creepy with a chick or naughty in the seafood department. They are very, very good, and get all three at home.
52) Fancy. Some American Airlines jets have outlets under your seat? That is very practical.
53) Google “deadspin uconn umass football rivalry Wikipedia page.” Now chuckle.
54) Bon Jovi is having trouble with his bid for the Buffalo Bills and it is not only me in the world who is having a hard time describing his chances as…no. Can’t.
55) You know…
56) In his bid to buy the Bills, he is…livin’ on a prayer. There. I said it.
57) In an article about Snoop Dog Instagramming (is that a word yet?) that Todd Haley be fired, I read there is a “remix” of Black and Yellow. Is this mainstream? Is this recent? Why hasn’t Lindsey told me about this being the hip person in our relationship? Confused.
58) But, definitely fire Todd Haley.
59) My early gut feelings for the beginning of the college football season. Just passing it along. Don’t care what you do with it. I like South Carolina at home minus 10.5 AND the under of 57 against A&M. I like Houston at home minus 12 against Texas San Antonio. I like Penn State and a point at neutral site against Central Florida. I like Navy plus the 17.5 at a neutral site vs. Ohio State, and the under of 63. I like the over at 50.5 of the Michigan and Appalachian State game. I like Notre Dame minus 21 at home vs. Rice AND the over of 52.5. I like WVU plus 26.5 at Bama and the over of 55. I like Clemson plus 8 at Georgia and the under of 57.5 I like OU minus 38 vs. Louisiana Tech, and that has nothing to do with my fiancée. I like Florida at home minus 35 vs. Idaho AND the over at 51.5. I like Southern Cal at home minus 22 vs. Fresno State. I like the over of 50.5 between Texas and North Texas. I like Tennessee at home minus 6.5 vs. Utah State. I like the under of the Baylor-SMU game at SEVENTY FIVE just because it will be fun. Or take the over in that game to have even MORE fun.
60) That is it. I think we are getting close to this place called South Dakota. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
61) (Probably not blogging tomorrow. Probably not even doing a catch of the day. Probably type a little on the 6 hour ride home on Sunday and then post Sunday night. Enjoy your weekend.)