It is true I blogged today. I was on a airplane. BUT. I also just got engaged as of an hour ago in this spot. I will talk to you this weekend. Some things are more important.
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Semi-speed version but lots to cover. Airplane rant but not for a business trip. Since I am on my way THERE, my mind is ON there, but let’s just knock out the blog before I go out of pocket for a couple days (unless Gabe sends me one). Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. Southwest has mifi, so I might even publish from up here from my tablet, so thus is a disclaimer for any spelling errors. Free wifi today and I remembered to download the app. Crazy stuff.
2) Right before I got on the plane, I heard the startling news that Oprah Winfrey was considering buying the Clippers. Say it isn’t so. Basketball is my Fortress of Solitude against her. Or in other Costanza terms, worlds would be colliding. Just like Jerry likes this George, I like this Filler.
3) I like the other contenders. Mayweather, Geffen, Johnson, Ellison, Sterling’s wife. Rooting for Mayweather, think Geffen might find a way, and think if money is the end all, Ellison takes it. Dude has more money than God.
4) My plane lands in 2 hours. I will be on Bourbon Street. I will admit that although I write a sports blog, I may in fact miss two Game 7 hockey games tonight. I am not happy with the timing, but Jazzfest doesn’t exactly plan THEIR world around sports. Dammit. I promise to not read something and then write something, pretending like I was there. The event is once a year. Even I have to make sacrifices, and Jazzfest sounds like a good one. I believe this will be my 6th one. Used to live in Mississippi.
5) I really like the world “behoove.” It would behoove me to use it more.
6) 1.50 ERA and 1-0 as a reliever for the year. Life is good, right, for Jameis Winston? Wrong. He really, really likes crab legs from Publix, and apparently is all good with not paying for them. I am not saying I am an expert on anything. I WILL say that IF I possibly assaulted a girl and was all in the news and everything, I probably would NOT be bopping around the town stealing crab legs. Just saying.
7) I just learned something. I just ordered a Jack and Water with a coupon on the flight. I learned that “flat” water is what I want as many foreigners apparently go the sparkling route. News to me, of course, I never bartended for a foreign bar either. I didn’t say “flat water” at the dives and sports bars I tended at.
8) Well deserved, but I feel like Jamal Crawford wins the 6th man awards like every other year.
9) Does he?
10) Find Saso hot sauce and buy it. It is awesome, and I like to consider myself someone who has tried a hell of a lot of hot sauces.
11) Still shouldn’t have missed it, but Joey Crawford stopping play in between Kevin Durant’s free throws was just WEIRD. For some foul discrepancy on the big board that counters behind the tables had on file ANYWAY. Doesn’t matter. OKC shouldn’t have been in that situation AGAIN, and Durant should have still drained it. FOURTH straight OT playoff game and that is a record.
12) I am not sure what the offense that Scott Brooks is running, but it looks like just a lot of pass to Durant and Westbrook to me. Awful. I had some joke with snails and the NY subway, but I totally lost it.
13) The inside information and my past experience says that sandals are not a good idea during the Jazzfest shows. I am packing one suitcase, and telling me NOT to wear sandals is pretty much telling me TO wear them. I would prefer to spend my entire life in sandals, which is ironic for someone with the ugliest feet on earth. Sorry to everyone around me.
14) Just when we thought the San Jose Sharks FINALLY were going to play a postseason up to their regular season potential, they blow a 3-0 lead. They are like the early 2000’s Phoenix Suns or the recent Atlanta Falcons (except for their non playoff year of course, which was very odd).
15) It has to be tough in that Clippers locker room right now. Much props to their win last night.
16) I would like to thank foreign basketball players for bringing the NBA the Eurostep (is it two words? Euro Step? Don’t know. Deal with it.). We already had traveling jokes and how they are not called in general, and the Eurostep just increased the flavor.
17) I didn’t have to put my knee and bodyweight into my suitcase to zip it for a multi day trip, so I am worried that I forgot something.
18) Of course, I didn’t. I AM a master packer. Seinfeld, people. Anyway, maybe that extra room in the suitcase should have been another pair of shoes instead of that mini soft cooler.
19) I would say that 1% of my readers and other bloggers could say that their brother just hosted a strongman competition. Well, mine did a week or so ago. Much props, Matt. I chose blogging, and you chose pulling tractor trailers around. I was trying to think of a huge 6’8” dude to compare him to, but just go with the general description.
20) Bama’s A.J. McCarron says he has been told he will go first round. I would take him, but maybe second round. Listen, how is it HIS fault that he had a bunch of talent on his team? It is like a Broncos fan back in the day for ragging on Joe Montana for having a star QB and star WR. Joe didn’t mean to. Promise.
21) “DeJuan Blair kicking Tiago Splitter” is not a headline that surprises me, nor one that I never thought I would see. Blair got suspended for a game. He seemed pretty angry at Pittsburgh.
22) I thought the Bulls would win before the series. I thought they would win DURING the series. I was wrong. Their offensive inability stretched MUCH more than I could have imagined. Scott, nice job. It is one of the few things Scott doesn’t bandwagon or go chalk on. Sorry, bro. You know it is true. Skins and Wizards.
23) The Flyers looked fantastic last night. My only concern is that they got so far ahead so early that the Rangers could rest some key players for Game 7. It should be a great game tonight that I most like will miss. Seeing Simmonds pull the hat trick was sweet especially since everyone and their mom knows where about 98% of his goals come from. RIGHT BY THE NET. But he is so damn strong and can just hang out there.
24) I don’t post many Deadspin links anymore. Gabe and I would both echo each other. Just read it every day. You will be better for it, and also have edgy info for the water cooler.
25) It doesn’t bother me that Dani Alves planned the banana eating incident. Shame he just KNEW the racist event WOULD happen, but not by whom or where, so he basically just planned the eating of it. Sad, sad people.
26) I think this Vandy assault thing will get much uglier before it gets resolved.
27) I am pretty sure Champions League is ending soon. I feel like they have been in the playoffs for like 4 months. Let’s get to the freaking World Cup. As I have said before, I am not a club guy. I am a country guy.
28) Gabe, I don’t care if the girlfriend of Blake Bortles has fake boobs. They look magnificent.
29) There is a KFC on the way back from the airport. I plan on knocking out my usual (when it is on special) Double Down run on that way home. That thing is ruthless and delicious.
30) Just rounded the 350 corner in Twitter. The 500 follower party is real, people.
31) I forgot to mention the Clippers throwing down their jerseys at midcourt the other night. Thought it was well thought out, not too over the top, but got the point across.
32) I would spend more time on Sterling, but I think Gabe has something in the works, and as usual, that will be more thoughtful and fluid.
33) Phil, just hire Steve Kerr already or at least throw out some other names so we THINK you are considering other people.
34) I forgot to mention (just going down my list, people), that I was surprised to see a 30 point Trevor Ariza siting. So, for one game, on one night, he actually earned a little of that overpaid salary he was paid a couple years ago. Talk about someone just shutting it down after signing the contract.
35) Ok, I lied. We still have to pay for internet. Damn. So, I can’t look up this ridiculous story about the guy suing the NFL for $50 million. Please know this, business, people, and other entities. If I get a chance and I am right and you definitively wronged me in any way, I AM suing you. Since I never chased my dream of BEING a lawyer, I at least want one to win me money.
36) I don’t know if you like Triscuits. I don’t know if you like the word “chipotle” as much as me. I am just saying that putting chipotle cream cheese on black pepper Triscuits is simply dirty.
37) Dirty is good in my vocabulary.
38) I realized I haven’t been to church in a while aside from Easter. Shame. I WILL get back to one, and I hope to love it like before, but Gil, you seriously ruined it for me. Just saying. Nothing like having a pastor who re-baptizes you, and you find out he sleeps with pretty much any female congregational member that moved. Sad ending. I could write about this for a week. I was even volunteering at the church. Got to get back. Got to get out of this hook because this blog is not about world events, religion, or basically anything except my useless observations, and sports.
39) Speaking of congregations. I would like to congregate all of the announcers on sports TV and find out how they pronounce the Jonas guy from Toronto. You think Dirk’s name is a semi fun party?
40) I would like to remind people that when they get sucked into the movie Casino on a Sunday night before work, that it IS a great movie, but it is longer than you ever remember it.
41) I can’t decide if the Blazers are coming back around to early season form or if the Rockets are folding. What I DO know is I am happy either way. Snowball is losing.
42) Snowball is Dwight Howard. Be a regular reader. It is much easier that way.
43) Dr. Jack Ramsay died this week, causing EVERYONE a little heartache. I have never heard anyone say anything bad about him. His championship Portland team made the city love him and the team even more (GREAT basketball fans), and he probably would have won the next year had Walton been healthy. He took time outside of team stuff to spend time with his players, and they loved him for it. He was fantastic as an announcer. He just comes across to me as a really, really great guy. I could say more on this, but guys whose job is sports say it better.
44) I wish I would have caught this before my Blake Bortles tweet. Check out #ladyinpink on Twitter. Hooters girl who was yelling through the glass “whip his ass.” She has gone viral, and given she works there, probably already was.
45) I never really commented on the Sterling thing. Here is my short answer. I have heard worse rants, but that rant was clearly from someone who is not with the real world. Listen, I hated it, I despised it, I am glad I don’t live that way, I feel for others who hear that and ARE in the minority, I was happy with the Silver penalty, I feel for his players trying to make a losing heritage a winning team, and let’s get him out of the league. One thing I personally want to know is this. The racism is horrible, but how come the fact that a racist is dating a Latino, OR that he HAS a mistress didn’t get MORE run? Let’s just exodus this guy and get on with our non racist, non cheating lives.
46) LeSean McCoy says Vick will get the job. Just like it is important to warm up in physical fitness, dysfunctional teams need to do it also. The Jets are making sure their game is on to be internally weird again.
47) I have watched all of the Hawks-Pacers games. I can tell you something is wrong, I can give a few tidbits on WHAT they are, but they still don’t explain this MONUMENTAL collapse. I understand a team not being DOMINANT anymore, but sucking? Roy Hibbert should just call in next game.
48) I don’t want to be The Fly, but I would have enjoyed being in the car when Bears WR Josh Morgan punched the valet driver. It would have been a fun listen in on.
49) The Rockies are hot, and no one is noticing because of the Avs in THEIR fight. I am only caring about the Flyers until they are out of the playoffs, but kind of hope and think the Avs close out at home tonight.
50) We didn’t expect the fight, but know the Spurs WILL find a way to take care of the Mavs. Dirk is a badass, but Monta and an aging Vince aren’t enough to carry them in a full series.
51) I like Missouri’s hire of Kim Anderson. They are surprised by their last coach’s exodus, he is an alum, he is older, he is stable, he loves the program, and he has recruiting ties already in the region from coaching at Central Missouri.
52) The Blue Jackets didn’t look like they knew what hit them in that last game where Malkin got a hat trick. No idea. Nice fight they put up to that point though.
53) They might have only won one or two more games, but I would have liked to seen how the Heat would have handled a healthy Al Jefferson for the Bobcats.
54) The Eagles say that DeSean Jackson was “not a fit.” I think DeSean Jackson will somehow at some point make the Redskins say “he is not a fit” also. Dude is one talented idiot.
55) Congrats to Seahawks Earl Thomas, who became the richest safety in the NFl, and deservingly. Considering before his extension, that Polamalu was still tops or second, he needs to get paid that money for a primarily defensive team and being a younger player.
56) Who am I kidding? I still LOVE POlamalu. I retract that last hook except Earl Thomas is fantastic.
57) I am a big Bryce Harper fan, but people are dissecting that thumb situation. Here is where I stand. Williams is being ridden for being a new manager. He shouldn’t have pulled Bryce given that he was hurt, but should have addressed it in the media, and then MAYBE Bryce wouldn’t have slid in first, but let’s write that off as a random incident. I think primarily both incidents are unrelated when it is all said and done. I was heated the last time I mentioned this and I hadn’t marinated in my thoughts.
58) I am happy for all gamers, who now can sit in their house, playing Call of Duty, knowing if they work hard enough, they can make the X Games and stardom. Listen, I went to a bar years ago to watch the Golden Tee championships, but I had to go to a bar to play it, and although I am not explaining this right, I feel like they are different. Ugghhh. I lost to myself on that hook.
59) If I didn’t sell software, I would want the job of that guy in the basement in Bristol who figured out that the other day was the best pitching day EVER overall throughout the league. That sounds fun.
60) I have decided to see how long I can go without going on Facebook. If you see action, I am being tagged. I am not proactively saying anything.
61) I can wrap my head how possibly the Boys would want Manziel in some respect. I just don’t understand why they would TELL everyone. They are bad poker players.
62) Maybe you are a Browns fan (Ben). Maybe you have hope every year for your team. But when I read that Tyler Thigpen and Vince Young are trying out for my team, I am downright SAD. Things are staying the same, Ben and others.
63) If you can’t stop smoking pot and misbehaving at TWO schools, just go to the NBA. Ex- Louisville and CSU basketball player Chase Behanan will go pro. If I am running an NBA franchise, I recognize your skill, but think you are undersized AND like to be bad a little bit too much. I wouldn’t want to dig myself that hole. Give him a call for a tryout after he drops like a rock through the draft.
64) But it is the NBA. I am not looking at a mock draft since he declared. They possibly don’t care.
65) Love him or hate him, Mark Cuban made billions of dollars because he is smart. He is right. Everyone is lining up to buy the Clippers, but something tells me since that is personal property and it was a tape recording, we are looking at a long court process.
66) For as much shit as he has talked in his career, just a shout out to Floyd Mayweather about NOT talking shit about Sterling when he could have. He said he heard the remarks, and all he could say was that he was courteous to HIM. I would have expected Money to let it fly with Sterling.
67) Finally, how funny is it that Paul George robbed himself during the last game with the Hawks, and ALSO was getting robbed of $16,000 in property at HOME? I guess it is not really Ha Ha funny, but I think it is humorous.
68) Ok. That is it. End of list for now. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
69) If Gabe writes one up while I am in New Orleans, I will take five minutes and post it (limited pics for this week, Gabe). If he doesn’t, then you will hear from me Sunday afternoon. Enjoy the rest of your week.
