Kind of like Bourne, Airwolf, or Winger, if it is mentioned, it IS the theme.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock.  Not an airplane rant.  Afternoon rant.  Not a speed version.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Lots to get to before I take off for Labor Day and then overload you with Ohio State football feedback on my plane ride to Cali.
2. I am sitting here after brunch watching Serena.   Tennis is cool, people.  And Vince.  Athletic chess match.  If you have ever tried to hit back my forehand, you would be sad AND respect tennis.  I was good enough to be #2 singles in high school on a team that beat the country club snobs and made the state finals.  My tennis coach had an idea.  Put me at #1 doubles, and then apologize to coaches for the rest of the year.  
3. I don’t really follow tennis etiquette and was kind of rude during matches.  We had contests for a 12 pack of who got off the court the fastest and who hit the country kid’s nuts the most.  Our team was amazing, and I (and you, Chris S.) took down two dudes who hadn’t been beaten EVER.  I could have died that day and been satisfied with the depression in their faces.
4. Serena is at match point and has not faced ONE break point.
5. Match is done. The match with her sister is going to be one of the most terrible, incredible matches of all time.  Everyone rooting for the younger sister, and the older sister can stop her from a calendar Slam.  I need a flow chart. 
6. Seriously, who wants to play tennis with me?  No one.
7. Seriously, who is going to do something ELSE during the OSU-VA Tech game?  
8. My mom is awesome. I don’t say the F word in these things except for last week because she reads it.  SHE is so awesome, that SHE emailed me that she is excited for my blog when NFL football begins next Thursday.
9. The shit hits the fan when it begins.
10. By the way, for those of you who are offended by anything I say, YOU try writing something and posting it where a couple hundred people read it every day. Kind of disarming if you ask me.
11. JJ.  Not lots of pops, but a couple at before and during the Taste of Colorado, which I am proud to say I got out without any extra tickets and only spending $30.
12. I love neck beads.  Bought some more today.
13. Shit, the list. Let’s get to it.  I have just been talking aloud thus far.
14. Brian Regan made me almost cry twice last night at Red Rocks.  
15. Yes, Red Rocks is the best place to see anything in the entire world.  
16. I missed the Bama-Wisconsin game, but the score happened to end up exactly the way I thought.
17. Bama can win with ANY QB.  
18. Since I am now a UGA fan since I picked them and they have ex-UVA guy Greyson Lambert starting for them, I thought they won fine and that Nick Chubb’s beginning of his Heisman run was solid. 16 for 120?  
19. Billy, you don’t read this, but if you tell me next week at work “Bulldogs,” I will buy your Friday burrito.  
20. Dunne, if you text me the fourth answer to the Omaha question on Tuesday, I will buy you two slices of pizza.  
21. No prizes for Marty today, but I will have a great Nebraska update later in the blog.
22. I just assume Rob never leaves the house, never reads this blog, and needs to spend 20 minutes on Colfax on a Friday and LIVE, man.
23. I have retired from gambling (still) and am glad because I NEVER saw that Penn State laying of the egg happening and MIGHT have bet on them.  
24. I am in one winner’s pool, one loser’s pool, two fantasy leagues, on Fan Duel, and can’t wait to salivate over my Draft Kings’s picks.  I guess I will have to dedicate one night a week just on these problems.  
25. I will be the guy on the left.  
26. Miss ya, Joe.
27. Lindsey, I assume, was joking when she said that OU was higher ranked in the 2015 public school rankings than my alma mater, UVA. I checked 10 sites.  We were no less than 3^rd.  I just pretend to be dumb and it makes conversations shorter if I just pretend I didn’t take Calc 4.  
28. Best decision I ever made.
29. I can’t say my forever leverage in my relationship with Lindsey, so I will put it in impossible code.  YDKWMDW.
30. If you break that code, I will pay you $100. So, now there are two deals on the table for our wedding next year.  Me talking about why I left the Navy and me decrypting that acronym.
31. Who would have thunk that Matt Cassel would ever be presently unemployed? Should have just stayed Tom Brady’s backup, bro.  That is what you get for overachieving.  
32. So glad that Serena won quickly. I got to catch the end of Rocky.
33. I love Rocky, and you don’t ever really need to box with me.  
34. Lindsey is out with her sister getting her nails done? I am so glad I am not a chick.  This is so much better than worrying about my nails.
35. Seriously, people, write something after complaining about what I write, Post it on the internet, and then think about how ANYONE can read it. Tougher than it sounds.
36. Rocky II is now on. Smiley face.
37. I write “Smiley face” because I refuse to ever use an emoticon ever in my life.
38. The Skins are keeping RGIII? Insulting to him, the Skins, and everything about football.
39. Thanks for staying classy, RGIII. I MEAN that.  I rarely say that.
40. For you people (Desmond Howard) who thought Stanford would be in the playoff, try reading my blog for a change.  
41. Bad pick, but what a badass….
42. For those of you who thought that ASU was a playoff team, read my blog.  The one before I picked them to win against A&M.
43. For those of you who are getting excited that Texas A&M is back, take a deep breath and easy on the cocktails. I don’t think that Kenny Trill caught on, am I correct?  
44. I admit to thinking that Reggie Wayne would make the Pats. At least for a locker room presence.  Baxter, I will buy you a soda at work if you mention this next week.
45. Roger Federer is looking pretty good, aye? Did you read the blog before the US Open started?  My pick, biatc…no cussing.  My pick, friends.
46. I didn’t go to Waterworld. Drinking contests in the AM and Waterworld don’t mix well.  
47. Someone asked me while I was boring and on my computer yesterday instead of “involving” myself in the party. I replied by saying I was on my 6^th beer in the 50^th  Stop being a slacker.  My recovery time is not the best and I can’t take mid afternoon naps, but I was Stiffler back in the day and am proud.  
48. I was an idiot.
49. As much fun as you think I have, I guarantee I work more than you and the person next to you. Work hard, play hard.  My life story.  First to work, last to bed on Friday, and the Energizer Bunny still calls me asking me for advice.  Until told otherwise, I am ageless.  
50. I admit to just shedding a tear when Rocky proposed to Adrian in the beginning of Rocky II.  
51. Yes, Rocky, I think zoos are dope also.
52. Greatest gift of my entire life was the heavy bag my mom and dad bought me when I was about 12.
53. Dad, I just bought you the best phone holder you will ever even think about buying.
54. Even though I am pretty sure you don’t go to sleep thinking about what holds your phone.
55. Seriously, my day is ruined because I assume Rocky III and Rocky IV will be on next.
56. Yes, Mom, we are still coming out in 2015. Actually, we plan on surprising you and Dad, so let me know when you WON’T be there.  We almost bought the flights the other day, but need to combine it with Disneyworld, and ended up buying tickets to the OU-TCU game in Norman instead.  We are spontaneous, which is easy to do with no kids and just a cat.   We will come though.  
57. You can try, but I doubt that you will find a happier person yesterday when I heard that Tim Tebow got cut.  
58. Sorry, God. It is what it is.
59. I am abrasive, I love sports, and Lindsey has a friend who is about 10 times me (scary). We are debating starting a radio show, and we will be famous.  As we understand it, “Bad cop, worse cop” is already taken.  Anyone else have an idea for a radio show where I am the good guy and my Chicago fan friend will offend everyone within 10 feet of him?
60. If you think I am bad, he is genuine and bad times ten thousand…and a Bears fan, which makes it worse.
61. He doesn’t read this, and therefore will never comment on this.  Know that I actually asked his permission to date my woman before things got serious.  MUCH love, bro.  
62. I should have listened to myself, come out of retirement, and bet that UVA would lose badly.  Oregon will still win the conference.  Book it.  
63. So, I was at an OU bar and the only person watching the BYU-Nebraska game. The final play is about to happen, I look at my lady (who SAYS she was already watching it(lie)), and say you NEVER know when historical things can happen and watch THIS.  Then, it happened.  I am freaking Nostradamus.  
64. 
65. I love Nebraska because my work friend, Marty, who will be in my wedding oddly, is a fan, but hate them because of “The Debacle.” The worse three months in my life I remind myself would not have put me where I am presently, and therefore I wouldn’t have met my angel.
66. For what it is worth, and too long of explanation to explain now, without The Debacle, this Rant wouldn’t exist.  You can pay me $20 per for the first 10 “rants,” they are horrible and rude, and I went from 5% sports and 95% hatred to the inverted.  Thank, Kristy.  
67. I don’t say the word “opposite.”  I say “inverted.”
68. My Mom always said things happen for a reason. Any time you have a bad day, remember that it MAY be the set up you needed for a really, really good day, and that the really, really good day couldn’t have happened without the really bad day.
69. And I hope Kristy had a really, really bad Saturday.  But Marty, I love you, so we are back.  
70. Rocky training scene just started.  I seriously could run through a wall right now.  Dare me.
71. If you Google “Rocky II,” oddly this is the third thing that pops up and I am NOT complaining.  
72. Yes, of course I ran up the steps.  
73. I am drinking with Jack Handy presently.  
74. I used to hang out at Stoney’s in Denver. Great to see you, sir, and way to dodge the “bar next to you always fails” concept.  He just bought it and made it one BIGGER bar.    Still a pricey place though.  Prefer cheaper dive bars, but nice to visit, and it is an OU bar.  
75. You have to dodge the KU times of games though.
76. Let’s test Marty. Marty, if you text the words “Charlottesville” to me between 10am and Noon on Labor Day, the pizza offer is good.  
77. Ralph/ Rob, if you text me the word “ Chuck (he will get it)” any time during the OSU-VA Tech game Monday, I will also buy you a pizza $8 lunch.
78. Actually, Ralph/ Rob, if you actually just pretend like you get my texts, I will buy you pizza.  Ralph I don’t think likes me for all the things that make me an idiot.
79. If I was a betting man, I would say that Marty cashes in, and that Ralph/Rob says “you have a blog?”
80. At the drinking contest (which once again I went over my quota), Lindsey’s friend, Brian, said “underrated sleeper.” What does that even mean?  Minnesota fans.  Sorry, Cerk.  
81. Lindsey made me aware of this new thing called “Chive.” I laughed out loud about the one where they say “I wish tires had confetti in them, and if you blew out your tire, at least the day was ok.”
82. I have alluded to it before, but I think cream cheese should be put on EVERYTHING.
83. Drew, You still out there?  I only have about 5 people who hate me a lot, so you are in a select group.  Most people just treat it like a geometry theorem.  THIS is the given.  THIS is the proof.  GIVEN is I am who I am, bro.  
84. For some reason, I have never gotten rid of THIS guy, who is my best man this year, and has overlooked my bad personality traits for like 20 years.  Much love.  
85. Best slow, under six foot basketball player I have ever played with, for whatever that is worth.
86. After watching Rocky right now, I think that Lindsey and I are a combo of Rocky II and Rules of Engagement. Basically, I am saying she puts up with a lot.  Love her though and would die for her.  
87. Does Cilic only play the US Open and is he trying to become the hard court version of Nadal on clay?
88. Well, three years ago.
89. I have about 10 good friends who have NO idea what I just said there.
90. Kristin and Avery? You two are the shit.  Had so much fun with you at Regan and sorry my quality picture is sticking my tongue out.
91. 516, 517, 522, and if you email me what that means, YOU have a pizza lunch coming your way possibly.  There is one person out there who can figure that out, and if it is NOT that guy, then I am MORE impressed.
92. Does anyone else realize that Charlie Weis is not working in college football but is still being paid by Kansas?  2.5 mil.  
93. Nebraska fact for the day that I didn’t realize. Do you realize that Mike Riley’s name has alternating vowels and consonants?  That is amazing.  
94. That is when he is saying they will go 10-3 instead of 9-4 like the last 15 years.  
95. City Grille in Denver is a dive place that has unbelievably great service, and that opinion is coming from an ex-bartender who is meticulous about my service, as I was one of the best bartenders in history of man.  
96. Not really joking on that.
97. Just saying…I have predicted Jo Wilfried-Tsonga to win the last 23 Grand Slams, and he is still in. Just saying.  
98. I feel like there is a time period where you realize that you haven’t seen Forrest Gump in a while. I heard some good classic rock today, and realized I am at that limit. 
99. More Than a Feeling is the only song I have ever tried for karaoke where I have walked off the stage.  Ever.  I don’t advise ever trying it.  
100. Rocky just got fired and now wants to fight again.  Yay.
101. That’s it. I will be on a plane on Tuesday, and will talk your ear off that day.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.
102. Just a tagline. I will be on the plane on Tuesday.  I will talk your ear off then.
103. On editing, we are on the final fight scene.  Incredible.  Lindsey doesn’t get why I love this so much.