Knock Knock. Who’s There? Queen. Queen who? Queen my rant list. THE AIRPLANE RANT.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock.  Baltimore to Philly flight and we are dodging some storm on the way. Long flight.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1)       Greetings and salutations.  On an airplane.  Cramped in the corner. Not sure how this guy next to me got full control of both his armrests.  There.  Little better.  Back off, dude.  I am ranting.  T.J. Yeldon apologized for his selfish gesture during the last football game, when he indicated money and gave a throat slash.  That is great to say now and I know there is adrenaline during the game.  That being said, you can’t let that happen at that level in that type of game.  College kid?  Sure.  But he better quit doing those things before it causes them to lose a game that also costs them a national championship.  As it is, he gave Manziel great field position to possibly drive and score.

2)      MLB predictions and awards will kick to the weekend rant.  I have no physical room to break down standings right now.  I am still figuring out where my complimentary drink is going to go.

3)      Either Terrell Owens or Chad Johnson is trying out for the Patriots these days.  I would check to see who it is but I am on a plane.  Don’t you even lump them in as kind of the same type of receiver with the same attitude problems, with the random odd brain at the same part of their careers?  Chad of course is a half of tier below, but you see where I am going on this.

4)      I am retired from betting on games outside of Vegas limits, but I think that Savannah State beats the 60 point spread against Miami. I say they lose by 55. That is just me.

5)      One of these days on an airplane rant, I am going to hit a button that stops me typing, I will type for two hours, and log nothing in.  Bound to happen at some point, as the screen is unreadable since it is slanted.  Just imagine the rants when I can afford first class someday.

6)      I guess the best in the world are not playing around.  Messi and Ronaldo both had hat tricks in their Champion League games this week.  Noted, Logan.

7)      What is a productive work life?  How about beating the best of all time once, losing a split decision in the second, and then BARELY losing the tiebreaker fight.  Thoughts and prayers to Ken Norton’s family, and rest in peace.  You were pretty much a badass.

8)      This week, Tom Brady was deciding between his favorite two lines.  It was either going to be “Gronk to return” or “no surgery required for Amendola.”

9)      That Guiness commercial where the guys are all playing basketball in wheelchairs because their friend is handicapped is freaking awesome and extremely touching.  Good stuff.

10)   Yay.  Turbulence.  Love crazy plane rides.

11)   The Browns and my buddy, Ben, are having a bad week.  To not even come close to rebuilding, still be at the bottom of the decision, and then to so obviously indicate you are doing it again by trading away your best player must be nerve wracking.  They will get lots of draft picks.  Great.  Maybe Teddy Bridgewater or Johnny Football will be the answer.  It still makes a hungry, loyal fan base wait another 5 years when their happiness level over the last decade has not quite been close to par.  How about Richardson?  Dude goes from a club that is just STARTING a rebuild to a team that is coming OUT of their rebuild…AND his position is needed.

12)   I have regained control of the armrest.  That is what he gets for trying to tilt his TV.

13)   I am excited about the movie Runner Runner.  Very.

14)   CJ Ross is stepping away from judging boxing for the time being.  Hit me up, CJ.  I would love ten minutes of your time to discuss EITHER the Bradley fiasco OR the Canelo fiasco.  You stepping down indicates a problem.  You should have held fast and been stubborn.

15)   I liked baseball the best when there was only one wildcard.  Yes, it is fun to have all of these teams in the playoffs, but the season is MADE to figure out who the best is.  I don’t need everyone and their mother in and suddenly we have the NBA or hockey.  The wildcard was formed primarily for teams that were neck and neck with another team that happened to be the best team in the league.  The wildcard guarded against that second place team NOT making the playoffs.  But, in our new model, you have teams making it sometimes that don’t even deserve it.  Take this scenario.  The Cards and Bucs are duking it out for their division.  Both deserve to make the playoffs, and they will.  The Nats are EIGHT games worse then them and also will make the playoffs most likely because of the multiple wildcards.  I don’t like it.  I want four teams from each side in the chase.

16)   I believe the Texas Rangers stopped their losing streak, but then just went back to losing.

17)   Denver lost Ryan Clady for the season due to injury.  Not a deal breaker, but not good.  I would say the most important people on that team are the five or so guys PROTECTING Peyton.

18)   This whole Goldson thing was a NFL set up.  They just had him win an appeal so we actually believe players DO win appeals here and there.

19)   Nebaska is getting Bo Pelini’s back now publicly.  Someone support someone or someone fire someone, because let’s get back to talking about dumb things said in the last year.  Tom Osborne is the only cool cat out that way anyway, and he is gone.

20)   Suh says other lineman are gnats.  Ok.  You must be the dumb giant then.  I would think you would be getting to the QB EVERY play if the other lineman were gnats.  Or, you might actually fight the gants without cheating.

21)   Hakeem Olajuwon says Jeremy Lin and Snowball might be deadly this year in tandem.  I get that and I trust what you say, Hakeem.  I just worry about  Snowball somehow not getting along with a quiet, smart Harvard kid either.  If he can’t, will someone tell Snowball that HE is the problem?

22)   Our captain has somehow talked the FAA out of making them go way south for some storm.  We found a shortcut apparently.  How is my captain finding shortcuts that people sitting around mapping all the routes can’t find?  Evidently, my Captain is a badass.

23)   By the way, the Browns a are starting Brian Hoyer this week.  I admit it.  I Googled him.  In a related story, Weeden won’t need surgery.  My, those 29 year old QB’s are such good healers.

24)   Knock knock joke from CJ Ross to Floyd Mayweather.  Knock knock.  Who’s there?  Hekeem.  Hakeem who?  Olajuwon.

24a)  Not the typical knock knock joke flow, but I still walked into a “I lied, you won” joke.  I had to work for it.

25)   Here is a better one I stole from my colleague, Ben.  This would be directed at Ben Rothlisberger.  Knock knock.  Who’s there? Owen.  Owen who?  O-2.

26)   The Browns very quickly picked up Willis McGahee and I quickly picked up some guy named Bobby Rainey, who apparently is their new starting RB.  He is deep on my bench, people.  My team isn’t that bad.

27)   Revis and Schiano have evidently cleared the air.I always am glad when a football player has to tell the media he is upset, who then publishes it, which alerts the other party there is a problem, which then creates a meeting between the sides.  Walking down the hall and knocking on the door must be considered ancient these days.

28)   I am sure Nick Saban is happy a Texas regent stopped by to try and get him to come to Texas, but he is not going anywhere.  Sure, those oil tycoons down in Texas probably could pay him whatever he wants, but I am just ballparking that Saban has a pretty good thing going at Bama.

28a)  Saban is 62 freaking years old.  I hope I keep it going and age that well.

29)   Alright.  Exciting time in PGA when this crazy playoff stuff happens.  Yes, it is a LOT of money, which I bet at least 80% of the Tour would give up for just one Major.  But way to lengthen the season a little.

30)   Andre Johnson is “on course” to being able to play this week for the Texans.  Ahhh.  I remember those days.  I remember when I had no idea what was going on with Andre Johnson in fantasy football and injury.  Dude makes you surf the fantasy sites to try and figure out if you can start him.

31)   Candace Parker edged out Maya Moore and Elena Delle Donne for the league MVP.  All three are good players and will be for years to come.  I still say Delle Donne becomes the best of these.  She got third as a ROOKIE, and her story is book worthy.

32)   NAPA ends deal with Michael Waltrip in NASCAR.  I have nothing to add to this.  I thought NAPA was something to do with wine.

33)   Andy Murray will have back surgery and miss the rest of the tennis season.  What season?  They have that goofy thing with the blue courts in a month or two but that is about it.  It is all about the 4 big ones in golf and tennis.  That is it.    Davis Cup USED to be something, and the President’s Cup and Ryder Cup are fun, but the fact that it is one country against the rest of some part of the world in those golf ones is just stupid.

34)   At tradeshows, there are so many nicely dressed kitchen people, and the food has a great presentation.  Why is it always sub par then?  Less workers, better ingredients I say.  I would rather have normal tasting chicken than someone literally run and get me a pat of butter two tables away.  I will go get my own butter, and just give me some normal sauce for my chicken.

35)   I wonder how many times Usain Bolt will tell us that he “might retire after the 2016 Olympics?”

36)   Brazil can don EVERYTHING else to prepare for the World Cup, but they say someone else needs to handle the drug testing.  Just call those Tour de France peeps.  They only have something going on once a year.

37)   Wait.  Maybe those events are at the same time.  Well, I am sure they subcontract out good people who are expert doping busters.

38)   As expected, the Alvarez and Mayweather fight drew the largest gate in history.We expected this.  CJ Ross apparently said the numbers were lower.

39)   OK.  The actual 60 minute weather delay of the Niners-Seahawks game beat out 60 minutes and America’s got Talent in ratings.  Nice.

40)   The Steelers have made a new rule in this week of troubled waters.  New signs are up in their training facility specifically stating that you can only play billiards or ping pong IF you have four or more years tenure in the NFL.  Because THAT is the problem of why we can’t run the ball, block, tackle, or score.

41)   I took off yesterday, so I will assume everyone has gotten their share of the “butt slide.”  It was even played multiple times on the Today Show.  Go Google it if you have lived in a bubble.

42)   Hey.  I am hearing the AT&T guy with the kids got offered a gig on Saturday Night Live.  That is great, but please allow time for the commercials too.  We can’t phase those out yet.  Come on.  What happened to long running TV trends?  I think I heard Chevy’s Like a Rock for at least 10-12 years, right?

43)   LeBron was photographed at the Vatican today with his wife.  Google it.  It is a great picture of him looking at the cameraman with a big set of statue junk right next to his face.

44)   More turbulence.  This must be the shortcut.  What a badass Captain.

45)   I only had a few hours each night to go out in Baltimore because of post tradeshow work to do, but taking a Water Taxi across the harbor was a cool idea.  Beat walking around the Inner Harbor, we got to see the city the way you should, and we now know where Fells Point is.  Line of bars right on the waterfront.  The Point was my type of place, with Woody’s being pretty cool also.

46)   Partly dude to my recollection from my last visit there back in college, and partly due to people at the places telling us, you either stayed VERY close to the water on the way back from Fells Point…or you cabbed it.  Ben and I cabbed it.  Fun place at the Harbor, fun place at Fells Point, separated by a lot of shadiness.

47)   A shout out to our bartender at Woody’s.  Alex, I wish you good luck in the move out to Denver, and thanks for the hospitality.

47a)  No, Robert.  We didn’t go to Phillips Seafood even though Ben and I walked by it about 5 times.  Every time we did, we decided a bar sounded like a better idea.

48)   The noise machine in my hotel room was pretty dope.  White fan noise AND some beach stuff.  The room at the Sheraton sucked, but being that it had a fridge and microwave, I was ok with it overall.  Being able to come home and eat a turkey sandwich and Hot Pockets that you got at the grocery store instead of going to 7-11 or getting room service was clutch.  Who the hell has open showers anymore by the way?  Odd.

49)   The hotel did actually have a surprisingly fantastic gym…which I never got to use.

50)   Finally, the next time I travel with Ben, I am bringing a clock timer.  Whether discussing sports, college stories, or post college stories., we were going one for one the entire time.  Non STOP.  We had people listening to what we were talking about.  Fun stuff.

51)   You know what?  I am done.  The flight is still trucking along, but I can finish up the colorful USA Today graphs and charts.  Hope you enjoyed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.