Lord of Rant.
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
NOT on the clock. I am sitting here watching the Bama-A&M game, done work for the day, and nothing else on the schedule except this and the fight. It is clear the list day. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations. I did 90 minutes of work. Otherwise, the opening of my rant would be “I know. It is 14-0 A&M, but everyone just SETTLE DOWN. Bama will adjust.” Well, they did. 21-14 Bama, driving, figuring out Manziel. All is GOOD.
2) The Oklahoma Sooners looked solid today against a decent Tulsa team. They might be dangerous in the big picture down the line if they continue to improve. Ok. Maybe I shouldn’t quite go THERE, but it is good when the Sooners win as Lindsey is happy. Happy household.
3) I think I predicted Bama 27-17 as the final score. I will be pretty close to right actually. Well, for the HALFTIME score. Bama is looking like they are wanting to take over this thing. LOVING it. I am the Captain of the Johnny Football Hater club (not for skills, but off the field stuff). I need him to lose a few to get some humbleness back. Bama just scored by the way. 28-14.
4) The fight tonight. I won’t repeat everything I said last night. I was reading up on the fight and was interested that Canelo actually DID the legendary shoulder roll AGAINST his practice guys to see what Floyd SEES. I like it. Oscar De La Hoya and him have broken down Oscar’s split decision loss to the finest detail. I like Canelo’s chances and WILL be rooting for him tonight. Do I think he can do it? Once again, it is easier to SPEAK about how to beat Floyd than to actually DO it. Better boxer, experience, reach, the shoulder roll, and more big fights mean I have to take Floyd in decision. A Canelo win WILL make for an AWESOME rematch though. Enough talk. Let’s watch the sweet science that is boxing tonight. Enjoy it, all.
5) UCLA blitzed Nebraska at THEIR crib today. Good to see UCLA’s progress, I am happy that my colleague, Bob, is happy, and glad somewhere right now Taint is probably out drunk with with her three kids and having a very subpar day.
6) Kelly Tripucka died this week. Not the basketball guy. The football guy. He was the first Broncos QB ever and actually unretired his number so Peyton could have it when he came to Denver. Neat fact. Tell your friends.
7) I have a lot of hooks in front of me on multiple pieces of paper. Saddle up, people.
8) Someone flow chart who is the present Mexican soccer coach presently. I can’t keep track.
9) Here is a photo of my badass Mom (am I allowed to curse when I use it positively in relation to YOU, Mom?) and my brother’s stellar kid, Joseph. A shout out, Joey. Mom, I always give you a shout out.
10) When I saw the headline “RB Charles returns,” it just made me glad that I shunned him and his injuries from either of my fantasy teams.
11) If you want to see some crazy photos, here are some instagram photos from just down the road from us of the first days of the flood. http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikehayes/instagrams-from-the-wild-flood-in-boulder-colorado?s=mobile
12) Thoughts and prayers to the dead and unaccounted for in this state. This thing was biblical. CRAZY stuff. We pride ourselves on sunshine, but it looks like Mother Nature decided to just get it all out of her system in one shot.
13) Apparently, Sebastian Janikowski is rumored to root against the A’s so the dirt part of the field can go away for his kicks. We are all just rooting that you are out of your “date rape a woman” days.
14) You know that camel “hump day” commercial? Well, that was Lindsey’s favorite commercial for a while and now it is getting old for her. Unfortunately, being always late to the hip party, I have decided that the commercial has officially grown on me. I laugh out loud now at it. Hump DAY.
15) Lamar Odom asked if I wanted a ride to downtown tonight for the fight. I am going to pass. I told him “I really just like the 16th Street walk.” Plus, just not in the mood for crack either.
16) Larry Fitzgerald has come out to the media and says Megatron is the best WR. No offense to my fantasy WR, but in other news, it has been reported that the grass is green and the sky is blue.
17) Let’s check how Jim Furyk is doing since it is halftime. Hold on…………..OK. Three under for the day and leading after his historical 59. Stricker actually lit it up today and is second, and Tiger shot a respectful five under to “just be in the mix.” He did do that with a two stroke penalty though, which IS kind of impressive. Kind of like Furyk shooting that 59 WITH a bogey.
18) The Colts lost RB Vick Ballard for the year to an ACL injury. I am not saying that this is the end for them. I am just saying that it doesn’t help.
19) The Volunteers Maurice Couch went on Twitter and said “he is sorry he got paid.” You could have at least told us what you BOUGHT with the illegal money you made.
20) Speaking of making money illegally, another photo surfaced of Johnny Football signing stuff with an official broker. It is like the autograph version of OJ Simpson. We all KNOW that one guy got paid and the other killed someone. We just can’t PROVE it.
21) This guy brings ENERGY to his job and still got fired. He sings to everyone and just refuses to sell you a hot dog if you want ketchup as opposed to mustard on it. I get it. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2013/09/tigers-hot-dog-vendor-fired-for-hating-ketchup/
22) HISTORY, people. I know we all love NASCAR with all of our hearts. I cheer with everything I have LEFT in me, because there is NO RIGHT not to. Ha. I am at least aware how not funny I am usually. ANYWAY, I digress. Because of all of the controversy about Logano getting into the Chase possibly with having another team paid off to help him, NASCAR allowed a 13th driver to get in the Chase. Jeff Gordon. That is it. I have too much to get to to put pressure on myself to create NASCAR jokes.
23) 35-14. Bama. BOOM goes the dynamite. The Captain of the Johnny Football hater club is happy as a clam.
24) The Giants were accused of faking injuries, but one guy got put on the IR. Well, if they ARE faking it, then they are going ALL the way. That is one DEDICATED faking of an injury.
25) Lindsey’s roommates dislike me to the point that they don’t even ask a 6’3” strong dude help them move. I am sitting here watching the game while things are being moved around me. Could have asked…and sorry we got in disagreements because you took the remote control, changed it from sports, and then fell asleep…making me watch reality shows for two hours. Duck Dynasty was cool. Bar Rescue was not.
26) You don’t need the link, but seriously, Deadspin NAILED it in an article about Lane Kiffin, head coach at USC. Has ANYONE done less with more as this guy?? I would put Rick Barnes in the conversation, but that is neither here nor there.
27) This obviously is this abrasive person’s first tennis match live. THIS is how you get kicked out of the US Open. http://deadspin.com/what-does-it-take-to-get-kicked-out-of-the-u-s-open-1302446054
28) While I am here watching the game, I thought you should know that a LICENSE plate with the legendary “12th Man” on it as a vanity plate just sold for $115k. I am a pack rat, but as I look around, I don’t own ANYTHING I could sell. And I am NOT selling my Rocky Bleier autograph on an airplane throw up bag. Never. That dude was the SHIT.
29) I know we were all losing sleep waiting for the results, but they are in. Here is the lofty winner of the ugliest animal in the world. Poor guy. http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/12/travel/blobfish-ugly-animal/index.html?hpt=hp_c4
30) By the way, I assume it is not rocket science, but I still don’t know how to make it so my links open up a new tab. Just roll with it for now, and hit “back” to get back to my rant.
31) One other COOL link with awesome photos I will never have. Lindsey sent this to me after watching my resistance at the Grand Canyon to NEEDING to be right on the edge of some cool location that happens to be high. I am good a couple feet in. Anyway, these pics will blow your freaking mind. http://marinechic.com/the-23-photos-that-will-make-your-stomach-drop/
32) Chris Davis is the first person to get 50 HR’s in a season since 2010. In other words, he is the first person to hit 50 HR’s after we filtered out all of the cheaters outside of Ryan Braun.
33) Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I need to rethink this WHOLE thing. I am sorry if I am in the wrong on this one. Perhaps other people really DO care about everything that happens with the New York Jets and Mark Sanchez and I am actually the lone guy bitching about it. Sorry, everyone. Keep the headlines about nothing special in particular coming.
34) I am a retired bettor, but this hypothetically would be a fun weekend. Boxing, good college football, and the Manning Bowl and Niners-Seahawks. I am pretty happy in retirement actually. Consultant only, and some pools.
35) I think I picked differently on my football slips, but the more I think about it, the more I think the Giants will beat the Broncos at home. Or maybe I am just a hater. Either could be true.
36) I DID plug this one in on all slips. I would take the Niners at Seattle in a heartbeat.
37) Lindsey and I watched “Now You See Me” last night. Holy smokes. HIGHLY entertaining heist movie. I think my favorite smartass actor ever is that guy from The Social Network and that zombie movie. He is SO sarcastic and SO funny, whatever his name is (I don’t feel like looking up everything-I like being the only person who does not know an actor’s name sometimes). Anyway, the opening scene is mind blowing, plot turns every five minutes, lots of action, not too over the top, and I had no idea what would happen in it with ten minutes left in the movie. Good stuff, and better than I expected.
38) There is a show called Dig Fellows about guys metal detecting???? Mom! Get Dad on that show IMMEDIATELY. I remember my dad getting pumped when a farmer plowed a field. He would go have a beer with the guy and be metal detecting that fresh dirt MOMENTS after.
39) I saw a commercial last night for Total Divas. They are having their “mid season finale” this week. What the hell does that even MEAN?
40) Hey announcers, I know it is 35-21 and within two scores, but it IS Bama. Come on. This thing is bridging close to being over. Unless they are not watching the sudden 7 yard running plays by Bama that I am watching.
41) I sometimes drift off and wonder what Von Miller is doing right now. Fascinating watching arguably the best player at his position heading into his prime totally mess it up.
42) I HOPE Von is at the freaking DMV getting an up to date license. THAT would be a start.
43) The Wes Welker commercials are really, really funny. Dude is becoming the WR commercial version of Peyton Manning. No overwhelming personality…just funny for some reason.
44) I have invented a new acronym. FADD. ADD with food in the front of it. Basically, it is people who buy or make food because it is the best idea in the world at that time, and then buy or make something totally different the next SIX nights and the original thing just sits in the fridge.
45) There. Bama just scored again. I would say 42-21 is ALMOST to DONE, announcers???
46) It is SO nice to have new Brickeberry’s on the tube again. Family Guy with an edge.
47) Michigan football had a little bit of a hangover from their big Notre Dame win today. Barely escaped Akron, 28-24. Although not pretty, the fact of the matter is that present coach Brady Hoke still hasn’t lost at home. Tell your friends.
48) Thoughts and prayers to Minnesota’s football coach, who was hospitalized today. He is epileptic.
49) Stay off the roads late at night in Denver for floods AND drunk drivers. The Broncos brought back their suspended executive.
50) It is a shame that injuries are the thing stopping Miguel Cabrera from extending his ridiculous numbers. They have to sit him though. This thing is larger. They need him in the playoffs more than he needs a second Triple Crown.
51) Lindsey and I had an interesting conversation last night. Nicolas Cage has been around forever. But how many really good movies has he actually made? Here is our list, with my addition of the old school one that won an Oscar that she hasn’t seen (soon to be corrected, people). Lord of War. Matchstick Men. Maybe, MAYBE Gone in 60 Seconds. And then Leaving Las Vegas as my addition. Are there others? I could wiki his movie list, but that wouldn’t be fun. Nah. I will look. Hold on………..ok. I am back. I haven’t seen Ghost Rider, so can’t give an opinion on that. Add Fast Times to the list (totally forgot about that) and Raising Arizona POSSIBLY. I will throw Moonstruck, National Treasure, and The Rock as sub tier ones. Anyway, you get my point, don’t you?
52) Lord of War was AWESOME. A role MADE for his bad acting. Just like Matrix was MADE for Keanu Reeves.
53) I finally got rid of Beanie Wells on my fantasy roster. A guy who might be lazy with fantasy but writes a sports blog can’t have a free agent on his team. Just isn’t right.
54) I don’t have a lot of friends, but I am the type of guy that rolling down to the fight solo doesn’t bother me at all. I have been going to bars by myself for YEARS. No other schedules to adhere to. I will go set up camp, watch this glorious fight, and then come home.
55) I am heading to Inner Harbor Monday for work. Tradeshow for the week. LOVE Inner Harbor, and pretty pumped to hang out for three days with my work sports guy, Ben. That dude and I can talk nothing but sports for HOURS. Much love, bro. I have already researched the top ten sports bars. That is off your plate.
56) Jim Harbaugh is poking fun at Clay Matthews. I guess the fine that Matthews got means Jim is spot on.
57) Dammit. I meant to start saying “spot on” excessively like a year ago. I forgot to keep saying it. It is Stewey from Family Guy’s line. I will make an action item to get back to saying it.
58) Mike Wallace apologized this week for once again being an idiot. Just like Serena winning tennis matches this year, and Bama being really good, just “copy and paste.”
59) Blaine Gabbert is out versus the Raiders this week. That is like talking about that tree in the forest that no one can hear.
60) What IS clean diesel, Audi? Do some of your cars have “dirty” diesel?
61) Lindsey had never seen the “I’m Batman” commercials before this week. I am happy she now has seen it, but now I at least understand the blank look when I occasionally used the line.
62) When does this Michael J Fox show start? I am IN.
63) Shit. Damn you, Johnny Football. Bama just fumbled (same guy who did the throat slash for a penalty). Manziel just threw a touchdown for like 8000 yards. Dammit. 42-35.
64) I have nothing to add to the conversation about Bowyers NASCAR spin. You can make your own jokes on that.
65) Wrestling is back in the Olympics. Why they took out one of the literally ORIGINAL sports in the first place I have no clue. Athens would be confused also. Take out badminton or synchronized swimming for Pete’s sake.
66) I have “orange is the new black” on my rant list. Sometimes I just need to write a LITTLE more information when I note things.
67) I would like to invent a new term. Action verb. “Roy Jones’d.” It means literally aging in front of us. Could be DURING an event. For example, an example usage would go like this. Tom Brady roy jones’d this Thursday against the Jets.
68) Am I the only one who thinks that Rick Pitino should have been in the Hall of Fame like ten years ago?
69) A 50 yard goal in soccer HAS to be notated. Here you go, Logan. Benitez’s masterpiece goal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBRIo-yex9A
70) I just went outside. It looks like it is going to rain AGAIN. Can the rain hold off until we find everyone first?
71) Ryan Newman will race with RCR in 2014. Just on my list. Not sure if that is like Dwayne Wade getting traded to Chicago, or if it is more like the Heat picking up Michael Beasley.
72) When making sandwiches this week on bagels, Lindsey taught me what good fungus and bad fungus was. I still bagged it for work. My metabolism is a machine. It can handle it.
73) Bama was on the 2 yard line when jackass fumbled. This game literally went from 49-28 to 42-35. Bama is driving now, not losing their cool though. I still feel good about this. Just mad that Johnny Football…is so damn good.
74) Tony Romo’s MRI turned out negative, which means he can keep plugging along in the months he actually IS good until he lets everyone down in December.
75) It is like a productive Cabbage Patch mass run when it goes right. When you trip, it is not so good. http://deadspin.com/asu-player-trips-during-entrance-repeatedly-gets-run-o-1279098234
76) Wow. Did I just reference the Cabbage Patch Kids? I just remember the new ones comes out one year and one person getting trampled to death.
77) Even cute little kid jets fans are irritating. This kid better lift a LOT of weights. http://deadspin.com/this-7-year-old-jets-fan-is-a-little-asshole-1280119716
78) I will look under my mattress, but I don’t think there is $846,000 in there. http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2013/09/11/porsche-918-nrburgring-record-frankfurt-show/2800953/
79) I love Porsche’s SO much. They are like dogs to me. I love them, although I don’t actually OWN one. Luckily, I just need a yard before getting one of them.
80) Bama scores. What the HELL was the over-under on this freaking game?
81) Nebraska lost, so we might as well pile on. Deadspin, you literally get everything. http://deadspin.com/the-time-eric-crouch-asked-his-lineman-to-spit-in-his-m-1258397411
82) I tell Lindsey all the time. Deadspin usually picks up the odd stories FIRST, and then ESPN piles on if interested.
83) I seem to be in a small area of Deadspin hits. Here is a letter asking if this guy can do a porn movie, but “only if it is just me” as far as dudes. Good plan. http://deadspin.com/no-other-men-in-it-just-me-a-letter-from-a-porn-hop-1258653329
84) The cheap Italian bread I buy has wrecked my life. I have been buying the same Ziploc bags and same bread for three years for my true assembly line of turkey sandwiches for work. Suddenly, the bread is too big for the bags and the sandwiches get smushed. Geez. I am a routine guy when it comes to food. It is like if I run out of milk before bed. How the HELL can I go to sleep during the week without a bowl of Cheerios? I can’t.
85) I had a bunch of things to add about the James Franco roast. I am on hook 85. Just watch the damn thing. It is worth it.
86) Sad to hear that Doug Williams was fired from Grambling after an 0-2 start. Doug will always be a legend, and you guys just do your thing. Don’t fire a legend.
87) The Eagles are still slow per Chip Kelly. Chip, we get it. You want fast. Let us watch a few more games of you playing fast and we will get back to you. Two things on this. Chip, you are facing lineman that are about 20 pounds bigger on average, and you only ran 20 plays in the second half after running 50 in the first half. We are not totally buying in yet for the long haul, although it is sure as hell fun to watch.
88) OK. Johnny Manziel just pulled off another RIDICULOUS escape and then threw it 50 yards. Then, he scored. 49-42. I can be a hater, and this guy likes to party, but he can sure as hell play.
89) Everyone in Ohio is keeping tabs on Braxton Miller’s injury.
90) Everyone in Detroit is keeping tabs on Cabrera’s injury.
91) Everyone is Googling who Teddy Bridgewater is.
92) Everyone in Boston is hoping Buchholz is back to stay injury wise.
93) Onside kick failed. Game over. Boom goes the dynamite. I am not looking at the stats, but I know you had at least TWO interceptions, Johnny. Go to a strip club tonight and tweet us about it.
94) The funbag at Deadspin is always the best. The title? Is it ok to have threesome with your cousin? http://deadspin.com/is-it-ok-to-participate-in-a-threesome-with-your-cousin-1283923830
95) The San Deigo Chargers treated their fans to a typo for their first game. http://deadspin.com/chargers-greet-fans-at-stadium-with-big-ol-typo-1287503964
96) YES. That misspelled word was on purpose.
97) This Illinois pizzeria knows what is up. Free pizza if you show your boobs. Let’s not think of the actual transaction. Let’s think about the guys hanging out not eating pizza waiting for chicks to buy pizza. Here is the plan. Charge the GUYS to watch the boob show when they get their free slices. http://deadspin.com/illinois-pizza-place-offers-free-pizza-if-you-show-your-1289160936
98) I would talk about the five SEC players who received benefits, but the hostesses from Oklahoma State are SO much more fun to mention.
99) I will make a note to talk about MLB awards this week. I feel like it is the night before Christmas with this fight in a couple hours. This is a clear the list night, not a forum for me to open up some long analytical hook. Like with Nicolas Cage movies. Noted though.
100) So, isn’t the rule with cops is that you have to answer truthfully if asked if you are a cop? So, can’t a fan who wants to punch a 49er fan ask them if they are a Seattle cop dressed up as one first? Then, if they say no, they can hit them? Good idea though. Like the proactivity. In Philly, this plan would work like a charm…except lots of cops might still get hit because the fans would forget to ask them if they were a cop.
101) Hey, Fox, how was that whole NASCAR conspiracy #1 on the wire on Thursday? You guys must smoke up when you post stuff.
102) Keep the headlines coming though. I get my legit stuff from ESPN, my odd stuff from you, and my cool stuff from Deadspin.
103) It is oddly quiet in the whole Hernandez case. Maybe the lawyers for Sandusky and Hernandez are taking time to reach out to Johnnie Cochran.
104) Oh, that’s right. Johnnie’s dead. Whoops.
105) Here is a guy doing BMX tricks with one of those city bikes you can rent. Classic. http://deadspin.com/heres-a-guy-doing-some-bmx-tricks-with-a-heavy-ass-cit-1296374958
106) So, he is a tough New York guy who lifts obviously a lot of weights and now is the joke at the gym and infamous. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9QRT9L3y48
107) I watched the new Keith Olberman show. It was decent. I think it is my subconscious telling me that I am still mad he left sports to talk about real world stuff, but it is not the same watching him. It is like watching Rick Ankiel trying to throw fastballs when he lost it for no reason.
108) Random, not thought out, and deleted. Unfortunately when you have millions of followers, it is still caught. The Lakers released on odd commemoration tweet of Kobe with old school hair. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2013/09/los-angeles-lakers-kobe-bryant-911-neverforget-tweet-nba/
109) That is it. I want to go get ready to walk to the place to watch the fight. Hope you made it through and enjoyed. If you email me what is your favorite ink color, I will send you a Fillerbuster pen on the house. Will I blog tomorrow? That is CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
110) Just a tagline. Taking the day off tomorrow. I have a 3 hour flight Monday to Balitmore to do an airplane rant….which I absolutely LOVE. Enjoy your Sunday.
