Mr. Royal covers today. I am tired from a wedding in Sturgis. I admittedly haven’t read this start to finish, but was chuckling out loud catching a few things just copying and pasting. Talk to you tomorrow. Legal pad list still going.
The NFC East and the Lies We Tell Ourselves
Full disclosure: If you didn’t know, I’m a die-hard Giants fan. So if this comes off too favorable or too harsh on them in any area, keep that in mind and take it with a grain of salt.
I think we as fans are really good at lying to ourselves. Yankees management and fans tried to convince us that Masahiro Tanaka’s elbow would just be OK after a little rest and that he’d be dealing strikes again for the Yanks sometime in August. No surgery needed. Well, there’s like a week left in August and Tanaka is still resting. And I’m beginning to think my initial reaction was correct. The Yankees should have thought about 2016 instead of 2014. He should be recovering from surgery, not resting.
Four lies NFC East fans tell themselves:
1. Tony Romo, Jerry Jones, and Jason Garrett don’t suck
2. A new Offensive Coordinator will fix the Giants
3. RGIII can be a pocket passer who won’t get injured
4. Nick Foles is the answer at quarterback
4th Place and Lie #1: Dallas Cowboys (6-10) Divisional Record (2-4)
Tony Romo sucks.
The worst part about how Tony Romo sucks is that he sucks when you most expect it which is inevitably the worst time to suck. I saw a really fascinating article claiming that Romo was one of the NFL’s Top Ten Most-Clutch Quarterbacks. I thought that was fascinating because it makes absolutely no sens to any human being who knows literally anything about football whatsoever at all.
I’ll take butt fumble over FG fumble any day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVuQ5aw0HAQ
If Tony Romo doesn’t blatantly, terribly, and horrifyingly overthrow Miles Austin in Week 14, the Giants likely finish off an 8-8 season with a serious discussion about Coughlin’s future. No 2012 Super Bowl win for Big Blue. But he does overthrow Miles Austin – in magnificent choking fashion! That’s right, Tony Romo is so good at choking that it alters the very landscape of NFL history! Think about it. If Romo makes a throw that you could make during your family Turkey Bowl, Eli Manning has one lucky Super Bowl ring. Instead, we spent the next offseason listening to people debate whether or not he was a Hall of Famer. Tony Romo’s suckiness actually sent his division rival to their second Super Bowl and a place in NFL history.
Look we need to reach a point in football analysis where we’re honest with ourselves. Does Tony Romo have a good passer rating in the 4th quarter? Yes. This is a fact. Does he have an above-average success rate at coming up with 4th-quarter comebacks? Yes. This is a fact. Are these “clutch” stats? Sure. Has he choked away nearly every Dallas Cowboy meaningful game when it mattered most – EVEN IF he played fantastic the entire game? Yes. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the least clutch thing you can do.
Tony Romo is a great quarterback about 80-90% of the time. He’s like the anti-Eli Manning. It’s actually impressive to watch, really. But the 10-20% where he is bad is at the worst times humanly imaginable. And that makes him suck.
Jason Garrett Sucks
This game. This one, singular game is a tremendous example of why Jason Garrett sucks.
http://espn.go.com/nfl/recap?gameId=331215006
I don’t understand why Jason Garrett won’t run the ball. Just run the ball. Jason Garrett, up 30 points with 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter, he would throw the ball. It’s not an exaggeration. I’m not being silly. It’s a fact. It’s what he does. Up 21 points with 4 minutes left? Sure! Let it rip. Let Tony “I throw interceptions at the worst time always” Romo throw it.
I mean, might as well let it rip. The Cowboys should use Demarco Murray for what he’s best at. Run-blocking. He really should shy away from running the football whenever possible. He was only averaging 7.4 yards a carry during that Green Bay game anyways.
I mean, it’s indefensible. If I were a Cowboy fan I would absolutely lose my mind listening to Jerry Jones make excuses for Jason Garrett’s incompetence. I mean, he can’t even call timeouts right!
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1467171-jason-garretts-biggest-mistakes-of-2012/page/5
The Cowboys have the best O-line in football. Romo is good most of the time. Dez Bryant is the third-best wideout in the league. Jason Witten is probably a Hall of Famer. And if Demarco Murray was allowed to run the ball more than a dozen times a game he’d be a top-5 back. How do you go 8-8? I don’t want to hear about last year’s defense. What about the year before? And the year before?
Jerry Jones sucks.
Look, if you want to spout about Jimmy Johnson and “America’s Team,” I’d like to introduce you to 2014 where your beloved Cowboys haven’t sniffed a Super Bowl appearance in damn-near twenty years (1995). Jerry Jones is an embarrassment not only to his team, but to the NFL as a whole.
The Cowboys are a punchline. A remarkable amoeba of awesome talent, disorganization, good/bad luck, karma, good dudes like Witten and Demarcus, and dudes we can’t stand like T.O. – all resulting in 8-8 seasons with the good ole’ Boys losing a division-clincher in Week 17.
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/myers-dull-moment-jerry-jones-cowboys-article-1.1905779
Jerry Jones is an embarrassment. But at least he built those mouth-breathing Cowboy fans a monstrosity of a stadium to distract them from the fact that they’ve won one playoff game since ‘96.
http://deadspin.com/jerry-jones-calls-photos-with-strippers-a-misrepresenta-1619324520
It’s ok guys. Jerry says he was “misrepresented.” Consummate pro, Jer-Bear. No wonder Orlando Scandrick gets caught doing Molly in a league where players literally KNOW WHEN THEY’RE GOING TO BE DRUG-TESTED.
I’m done. I don’t even know why I have to argue why the Cowboys – and these three individuals – suck.
3rd Place and Lie #2: New York Giants (7-9) Divisional Record (3-3)
A new offensive coordinator will not fix the Giants.
I’m a Giants’ fan and Kevin Gilbride was one of the most frustrating Offensive Coordinators to watch call plays. And yet, they won two Super Bowls under the guy.
I just don’t understand the logic where Ben McAdoo comes down from Green bay and fixes Eli Manning’s interception problem. They still have no tight end, they have one receiver, and a Rashad Jennings/Andre Williams backfield with David Wilson retired. How do you fix that?
You don’t just come in with a hotshot OC who watched Aaron Rodgers toss the ball and say Eli is going to get the West Coast system and complete 70% of his passes. He’s not that guy. He’s never been that guy. He’s an inconsistent downfield/deep-vertical type of passer who’s going to take a lot of chances and throw a lot of picks. The West Coast offense is totally different than what he’s used to. I also don’t think that Rashad Jennings and/or Andre Williams are West Coast running backs.
The defense will overachieve – as per usual – thanks to Perry Fewell, who gets zero credit and should have a head coaching job by now. While their secondary might be one of the best in the NFL (DRC, Antrel Rolle, Walter Thurmond), that once-mighty defensive line that won the Giants two Super Bowls they probably shouldn’t have even been playing in is the worst they’ve had in a decade. The days of a D-line going 4-deep with Pro Bowlers like Strahan, Tuck, JPP, and Umenyiora are over. Beason will anchor a decent linebacking corps. The defense will be good enough to overcome a mediocre offense and win 7 or 8 games.
Second Place: Washington Redskins (8-8) Divisional Record (3-3)
Love how Redskins fans were shocked that they sucked so hard last year. Really? A defense held together by chewing gum, duct tape, Brian Orakpo’s shoulder, and bits of string. Did ‘Skins fans actually buy that RGIII was healthy?
I’m not a professional football player or an analyst, but I remember watching Griffin Week 1. I immediately turned to my buddy and said, “He can’t plant on that knee.”
I’m not gonna go all Brenkus on you guys here but you need to be able to firmly plant that knee and rotate your upper body to make NFL throws. Honestly it’s a miracle that Griffin lasted as long as he did last year. He’s one tough kid, an incredible athlete, and a relentless competitor.
But he’s also incredibly immature. The PR battle he and his father waged on the Shanahans in the D.C. media last year made it impossible for them to not start RGIII and give him the rest he needed. RGIII continues to send out “us against the world” tweets about his “haters.” Why? Of course people hate/doubt you. If you’re a professional athlete and people don’t say anything negative about you or doubt your abilities, chances are you’re doing it wrong. Lebron, Jeter, both Mannings, Brady… people “doubted” all of them. Know what they all have in common? Hardware. So shut up, stop tweeting dumb motivational pep talks to yourself, and go be the amazing football player you are dude.
But the biggest lie Redskin fans tell themselves? “RGIII is done getting hurt.”
Really? OK, let’s hash that out a bit. Your prideful, ultra-competitive QB who weaseled his way into starting when he had no business putting that knee out there last year is going to suddenly be smarter and not take unnecessary risk? The dude that had ACL surgery at Baylor and got rid of his knee brace, AND subsequently injured his ACL in the NFL and is now getting rid of the knee brace (http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap2000000334862/article/robert-griffin-iii-says-he-wont-wear-knee-brace-in-2014) won’t take unnecessary risk? There are NFL quarterbacks with significantly bigger bodies and better knees than RGIII who wear knee braces to protect themselves. What are you doing, kid? Wear the damn brace. It’s not a sign of weakness. It doesn’t slow you down that much. Put the brace on!
“RGIII knows how to protect himself.”
Haha. This is my favorite. If RGIII “knows how to protect himself” then he’s just clearly choosing not to. Preseason, Game 2, vs. the Browns: Griffin scrambles out of the pocket (WHY!?), doesn’t slide (WHY!?), doesn’t head directly for the sideline (WHY!?), and bounces off the helmets of about three different dudes like a pinball. It’s the freaking preseason and the guy won’t slide to protect himself. My Redskins’ fan buddy actually texted me during the Skins-Browns game: “How many times do I have to tweet at RGIII to get him to slide?”
“The new offense means RGIII we’ll be a pocket passer. He won’t have to run.”
Yea, but like, he will run. That’s what he does. He was an Olympic sprinter. Running is the thing he does instinctively. You don’t just break that habit. Even if he’s not running read-option, when a play breaks down and he’s staring down two defensive linemen, what’s he going to do? He’s going to run out of the pocket.
Look, I don’t wish ill-will on RGIII, but I don’t buy that he’s now a pocket-passer who won’t run, knows how to protect himself, and won’t put himself at adverse risk of concussion or re-injury. I’ve said this a thousand times: no one looks worse getting hit than RGIII. It just makes you cringe. I’d be shocked if he plays 16 games this year.
First Place and Lie #4: Philadelphia Eagles (9-7) Divisional Record (4-2)
The Eagles are actually the only good team in this division. But much like the Colts, I kind of picked them because they’re band camp girl (if you don’t get that reference, you clearly just skip most of my posts – and that’s fine).
I mean, their defense is a mixed bag. They were the worst in the NFL in pass defense last year (it’s mind-boggling to think that anyone was worse than the Cowboys). But they were tenth in rush defense. Overall, there’s nothing to get excited about on defense and they are certainly prone to giving up huge yards in the air. How could I possibly give them 9 wins?
Shady McCoy led a rushing attack that was first in the NFL last year. Elite RB’s at the professional level are harder to find than a classy chick at a bar. I expect Chip Kelly to ride this LeSean McCoy train until it breaks. While people are understandably concerned about the loss of Jason Avant and Desean Jackson, I think Maclin will step up in a big way and Foles and Riley Cooper had great chemistry last year.
Hey speaking of Foles… Lie #4: Nick Foles is the answer at quarterback
Ok, now I’ve really lost my mind. How can I say Foles is good enough to lead an Eagles team to a division title over Manning, RGIII, and Romo and then say he’s not the answer at QB!? Stay with me.
Yes, Foles had great numbers last year. Insane numbers in fact. 64% completion, 27 TD’s against only 2 INT’s over 13 games. I’m not going to plagiarize this guys’ entire article, but I’ll just let you read it if you’re interested. Basically, there’s no freaking way Foles repeats that efficiency. And Foles benefitted from a lot of dropped interceptions and tipped passes that his receivers wound up catching. http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fancy-stats/wp/2014/07/08/dont-waste-a-top-10-draft-pick-on-eagles-qb-nick-foles/
First, let’s define what I mean by “answer.” I mean, is Nick Foles the dude who is going to bring Philly their first, long-awaited Super Bowl title? The numbers look great right? But your gut is saying… Oh hell no.
You’ve got $50. I am taking bets at 3:1 odds on which young quarterback under 30 is most likely to win a Super Bowl over the next decade. Is Nick Foles even in your top 5? Because here’s mine in order (Luck, Wilson, Kaepernick, Ryan, and Newton). It just doesn’t pass the smell test. I know that’s not scientific but I see a guy who benefits from having a fantastic running back, three dynamic receivers who could spread the field, playing in a system that surprised the entire NFL with its speed last year.
If you don’t think a correction is coming for that fast-paced Chip Kelly blitzing offense then you don’t know how the NFL works. This time last year all we talked about was read-option and Colin Kaepernick, Russel Wilson, and RGIII. RGIII had a disastrous season, Kaepernick struggled to produce big numbers again, and the Seahawks had to reduce Wilson’s load as defenses keyed in on the option.
But the Eagles are the hottest chick at this party. Here’s hoping I make it through 16 Giants games without throwing my remote at the television.