No problem with the Seinfeld theme. The problem is picking which ONE.

November 8, 2014 Filler

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock. Afternoon rant. Not a speed version. Let’s turn and burn.

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Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for coming aboard (the boat). This might be a two parter depending on how UVA hangs. I am writing this at commercial breaks and in between plays of the UVA-FSU game. Lindsey comes back tomorrow and I have no life, so I figure I might as well take care of my blog for the most part today.
Not sure why WordPress isn’t allowing me to have numbers today, but there are 140 plus so you know. Maybe it is better NOT knowing how many hooks I wrote.
Lou Holtz should have a constant mic on him-dude makes no sense.
Thanks for the readership. I post something when I get back from the bar that has nothing to do about sports and I have a fantastic hit day.
JJ. Pops.
My picks are good thus far. Duke is always money these days, but I guess that today we eliminated the theory that Notre Dame plays up or down to competition. 31-3 with 11 minutes left in 2^nd quarter?
Love Lost Lettermen. Combo ASU-ND and Seinfeld reference.
I am feeling about 200 hooks. Just throwing that out there (didn’t make it during editing).
Do I think UVA will win? But I also remember having a shitty season and stopping Warrick Dunn at the goal line years ago.
Plus, someone HAS to take down this crab stealer-assaulter, right?
Alice Cooper on Gameday was…just weird. How are they picking their celebrities again?
No more Mr. Nice Guy. Let’s get in the groove.
Watching FSU, meaning I have to hear that damn chant like 100 times. Dammit.
I thought the entire article was funny, but all I saw was “Wheat Thins.” http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/bad-molly-takes-colorado-state-student-on-insane-mastu-1655993298
I woke up today and I assume most of you thought my drunk idea was not worth a million dollars maybe. That did not happen. I would call it a million dollar CONCEPT. You can’t patent an idea. You have to patent a product. I am still working on the “product.” I also hope that everyone at Sancho’s last night forgot everything that happened so no one puts this together faster than me.
I love Lindsey’s brother. He just came over to get Lindsey’s car to detail it before she sells it. He is so dope. Same humor (scary). So, Drew, much love, and maybe you will read this…manana.
This rant would be 250 hooks if I tried to explain that joke. Too funny. Drew. My Sancho’s idea is better than ours. Trust me.
Got to be tough for Lindsey, to be in Norman after getting dismantled by Baylor AND hearing that Texas was beating the hell out of WVA.
UVA deferred? If I am the #2 team’s crib, I want a fast start. I take the freaking ball.
The problem about this game is that UVA could get up 30 points in the first half, and I STILL would be worried about Winston doing crazy shit in the second half.
A week after the top marathoner got busted for PED’s, the top badminton player in the world got busted. I couldn’t put together the joke. Make your own joke. It is funny.
If I am a Duke fan, I am terrified that someone takes my coach very soon.
I don’t mean this to look like a speed version, but I am writing between plays. Limited time.
Punt by FSU. Good decision in deferring.
I don’t know what the A&M-Auburn score is, but pretty sure I nailed it in taking ANY 23 points spread in the SEC when not talking about Vandy or Kentucky.
Fumble on first UVA offensive play. Dammit.
This is MY blog. So. If I want to write that I had a fart today that sounded EXACTLY like Brass Monkey from the Beastie Boys…I can. Get your own blog.
New year’s resolution. I need to take Lindsey to Charlottesville. CSU is cool. Norman is ok. I have been to both. UVA’s campus is literally the bomb.
TD. FSU. Maybe I won’t be finishing this today. Ugghhh.
Why does WP cut off the beginning of some of my hooks?
I would like to tell you about how I spent Saturday when my woman is out of town. I went to Sancho’s, went to the strip club…just kidding. I worked for 2.5 hours. The only thing that makes me feel better is that my boss worked all morning too. We have the same problem.
What I AM doing is watching 12 straight hours of football without taking a shower. Oregon I believe is the late game, so it might end up being 14. You have your goals. I have mine. If you care, I moved from the bar area at my place to the couch to write this. That was a big move.
Albuquerque. Porcupine. Hollaindaise. Boom goes the dynamite. Love it.
I have a couple friends. Like 4. Cerk and Scott are processing my very important phone messages at 2am last night, Kyle is in the mountains, I never know what Vince is doing except for he lives far away, and Lee said he was watching this game with me…but didn’t.
I guess that is five, aye? Yay.
Holy shit. ASU had their lead cut to THREE at one point? Of course, they then lit them up again.
Molina got his 7^th Gold Glove. I think the whole Gold Glove system is almost as broken as the MLB playoff system (GREAT article in ESPN last month about this-like he read my blog and put it in professional verbiage), but I agree with this selection. Actually, I would like to offer that we just give him the next three Gold Gloves while we are at it…ahead of time. Might as well.
It is fun to debate who is #4 and #5 right now in college football, but things will work themselves out. If I am Bama, I am terrified to go into LSU tonight. Night game at LSU. Not good.
My colleague, Robert, is probably putting beers, a bedpan, and snacks in his basement as we speak. Love that guy. He doesn’t read my blog. Oh well. I would write this talking to myself.
Got to love Bama fans though. They are awesome.
Mom, UVA wasn’t as passionate, and we dressed up for football games, and I would like to tell you that you had to buy me 7 pairs of khakis in my freshman year because I tried to slide down the grass slope behind the north field goal posts after every home game. I have matured. Scott Stadium was DOWNHILL.
Anyone else find it weird that the Winston case hearing was delayed? Next delay. The day after the championship?
If I am a Wizards fan, I am very happy with Paul Pierce putting up 12 and 5 at his age and his leadership in locker room.
Have I really not written a full blog since LeBron went scoreless in the second half for the first time since like 1973? I need an intern.
Krameric…Fillermerica…Busterica?
Don’t worry about the Rockets starting out strong. If you are contender, you still remember that Dwight Howard is on their team. Like Drago said, they will lose.
I was going to go grocery shopping today, but will do it tomorrow. I find it fun being in house all day and clearing out the fridge, making up the most random combinations for meals. And it is not done.
But I am out of cheese. That is a problem.
Just checked the hours. Marcyk’s is open until 8pm tonight, and they have booze AND cheese.
Read Mr. Royal’s blogs. They are SO much better quality than me. He is more focused and still funny. I am not sure if I am funny. I just write. I choose to blog.
Does anyone think that Seinfeld won’t be my theme today?
Interception by UVA. BOOM goes the dynamite. I am going to get off my couch and yell what he yelled at the student union.
Nah. I am comfortable.
Is Jerry Rice bored or lonely? Commented on Goodell. Commented on Antonio Brown. Have a good feeling he will chime in on the 49ers game Monday.
It is ok, Jerry. Much love. Anyone who has EVER read about your offseason workouts totally loves you. I am captain of that club.
I am not captain of ANY club.
Blah, blah, blah…A-Rod paid someone, told DEA agents, blah blah blah.
That felt good. This is not a speed version, and I STILL bypass a A-Rod hook.
Well, I guess I didn’t bypass it since I wrote it. Got tricked AGAIN.
In case you care, Adrian Peterson’s mom was ok with his deal.
The Texans, for no apparent reason, will switch to Ryan Mallett as QB. Listen, that dude was a stud at Arkansas. I just don’t get what they are doing in their decision making process down there. I bet you Fitzpatrick is trying to remember what ONE question he missed on the Wonderlic.
His beard is dope, but even more dope because he went to Harvard.
I don’t know about you, but I would have paid good money to watch Marcus Lattimore play NFL football every single week.
Nice $1.3 million insurance policy though. We can’t feel bad for him. He is not buying ramen for dinner.
UVA TD. 7-7. TOLD you they are going to win.
I had knee problems and that stopped my basketball “career.” Nothing like blowing out your quad tendon, MCL, and ACL all on one blocked shot, getting lucky that the doctor you went to visit with no insurance had a daughter at UVA, and your OTHER knee is still the more hurting one. Where was I going with this? Yeah. Bulls fans, don’t sweat Rose’s ankle. Different body part. My old good friend, Brian, was our PG in high school, and that dude tore up his ankle like once a week, but never had knee problems. It is one of the other.
That doesn’t make sense. That means that Rose has BOTH problems. Let’s move on. I sometimes have to call myself out. That is why this is a rant. I got distracted.
Nothing like being able to Google “Smith Rice groin” and getting massive results.
I will say it again. I don’t even know who Duke football is playing next week, but I am telling them to take Duke minus the points. Or plus the points if it is FSU.
A&M is beating Auburn late. Listen, I said this in week 3. Auburn should get a medal on playing their schedule, and you KNEW they would trip.
BOOM goes the dynamite. Nah. This can’t happen, right? Pinch me.
Just like mentioning practice when I say “Iverson,” I have to do THIS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no
Never gets old. Dammit. I said Iverson. That means.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGDBR2L5kzI
I haven’t decided on whether I am watching pre-game MNF Monday. I can’t decide whether I will be irritated by the Sanchez build up or excited.
WordPress is crazy tonight. I have no idea why I didn’t get a bullet point, and there is a blank one in one more hook. I just wanted to say “it never gets old” again.
I had a hook that Messi broke some soccer record. Then, I have another hook about soccer about how I didn’t realize who was on what team (I am country, not club). Messi, Suarez, and Neymar are on the same team? Rodriguez, Ronaldo, and Bale are on the SAME team? Is this even allowed? Guess they don’t have a salary cap. No idea.
TD. UVA. Not sure how I feel about this, but glad I am alone on my couch.
These Rob Lowe commercials need to go away.
These MM Lincoln commercials need to go away.
These Buick commercials need to go away.
I would like to have a beer with the disgruntled Jets fan who rented a plane to tell them to fire their GM.
I concur with Revis that I feel sorry for anyone covering Gronk, but I don’t feel sorry for anyone partying with Gronk. I am jealous though. Can you imagine if I could say I had a shot with Gronk and Rodman? That would be sick. 50%. Call me, Gronk.
Bad choice, Artie. Not good. Cari Champion is hot, but mentioning the words “sex” and “slavery” in anything public is…no Bueno.
My mom just emailed me that Dad is hanging with the ROMEO’S. Retired old men eating out. Love it. This is my dad at his happiest. I still remember fishing in the ocean with him, waking up at 4am to go trout fishing, and still might become a fisherman again. Hell, my entire blog is based on fishing.
I wish I had enough hours in the day to give everyone a full breakdown on MLB free agency. I have a lot to say. I just have no time.
FSU INT.
In case you care, you can now bet on whether there will be fights after a NASCAR race.
So, I think Kesolowki won a race today. As soon as I figure out whether that was NASCAR or that other tour that everyone is also in the day before, and what the significance is of this, I will let you know.
Once again. I have watched one full NASCAR race in my life. Earnhardt died. The sport is better with me NOT watching.
Rated R. Deadspin. Just warning you. http://deadspin.com/molly-shattuck-allowed-teen-to-touch-her-vagina-with-p-1655464280
This is so badass and the 1067^th reason you should read Deadspin every single day. http://deadspin.com/adam-laroche-kills-a-giant-elk-dan-haren-is-bummed-abo-1655161264
I don’t know a lot. But, I know that no one would PREFER to play the Cleveland Browns any week right now.
I was trying to figure out my plans last night since Lindsey was out of town. Then, I remembered she doesn’t like NBA basketball and that ESPN had basketball on all night. I got to watch how bad the Nuggets are and shades of how good the Cavs will be. I stayed home and watched a game not announced by Hubie Brown.
Just like I have never watched The Big Lebowski a second time and don’t fully get why it is so funny, I don’t really have any urge to see the second Dumb and Dumber. All I know about TBL is that apparently I am not the only one who literally HATES the Eagles.
Well, that is false. I LOVED Dumb and Dumber, but just think a sequel is pushing it.
I would like to thank my Mom, who taught me that hydrogen peroxide and chlorine kill most things.
I watched my first Game of Thrones to get “hip” years after I should have. I am mad at everyone I know. All someone had to tell me was that the midget from Seinfeld and the dude from Patriot Games were in it and I would have been from Day ONE. I was impressed. Actually, what sucks about Lindsey being away is that I can’t watch any more episodes.
Not the main midget. The OTHER one. Very hard to track down on Google.
Who am I kidding? I had bball last night. Twelve hours of football today minimally. 7 hours of football tomorrow and that is being nice and dissing the night game.
Have I not blogged since Kyrie Irving had NO assists in 45 minutes of playing time? I covered that in a catch of the day. Next item.
Call reversal. UVA fumble. 21-13. Things are going downhill very quickly.
Of all of the coaches in any sport that I would expect bedlam to happen to, I would not expect it to be the class act that is Tom Crean.
I think the Golden State Warriors might be for real, people. Bogut healthy changes that entire team. He doesn’t need to do anything. He just needs to be 7 feet tall and exist.
I have watched video. I read rivals.com. I knew about Jahlil Okafor (spelling maybe wrong) when he was ten. If Coach K tells me he is one and done guy, I believe him.
I STILL don’t believe putting freshman on preseason All American teams.
I would like to say thanks to Vince, who just recently got on my distribution list, and I find out within an hour what I said was wrong subjectively. He has become Tony from PTI for me. Except that we are not famous and on TV.
And pray Vince doesn’t become a congressman. He wants to crucify all people who live in a city who don’t adopt the home team. Hey, I kind of like the Nuggets. Sort of. Gray area. But I would be dead regardless.
I am tired of hearing Jerry Jones talking about Tony Romo’s career.
I am tired of hearing people talk about how they can’t go to a bar alone. I have LIVED that life. No schedule adaptations.
I was going to go on a “I am tired of” rant, but then got to this on my list. Do you know what happens to OU fans when they lose a few games at their home bar in Denver? This.
While looking for that pic, I found my Little Jerry photo from back in the day.
I admit to having to look up who Ish Smith was. OKC is that desperate.
On a related note, the Pacers have signed AJ Price.
Uconn. Come on. I am going to get AJ.
Chris Petersen is my new favorite coach in all of sports. He dismissed a CB who will go first round (or was going to) because of team violations. That takes balls when your team is just so-so.
I think they might beat UCLA tonight because of good karma on that.
Remember when Hundley was a Heisman front runner?
I refuse to search for fantasy players unless I am lacking players in my starting lineup. I have to draw the line somewhere with sports in my life. That being said, every single player who is not starting this week is on bye. No decisions even need to be made.
The Seinfeld with the Maestro and Tuscany was on Friday. I not only laughed hard enough Friday to write that on my list, but admittedly just laughed now.
Nice, Bob. (that was the funniest part of this blog thus far)
Will Hubie Brown get more energetic at his age and keep doing NBA games?
In my anticipation of Hubie possibly announcing, I tried to look up who would be calling the NBA game? Why can’t I find this on Google? Is there an app for it?
The story on this guy Monday was so awesome. Punter being the badass body on a football team. http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=11817111
You KNEW this would happen. Real football guy from England gets mad at American football messing up his grass a few days before a match. http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29946883
I hate him to death, but Winston is pretty freaking good. Irritatingly good.
Do you think that Kurt Busch’s woman cracked on him for not turning right and then he beat her up?
That was a really, really rude hook.
So, NBA ticket prices are up 3.4% and the Knicks are the highest price. I get NYC. But, really? I am paying top dollar to watch the triangle offense at MSG. I am NOT paying top dollar to watch JR Smith try to understand that system.
Maybe I would watch that. So am I?
Jeremy Hill texted me last night. He is NOT impressed by my blog OR the Browns. Go read Jim Rome, dude.
I am guessing that San Fran, although cool, is not going to be able to outpay Sandoval if he is meeting with the Red Sox.
Totally just laughed out loud by myself. I love that diner commercial with Heath Schuler, Leinart, and the Boz.
I can’t stop doing it. I pace when talking on my cell phone. Luckily, only my boss, Lindsey, or Scott call me, but I walked about a mile talking to Lindsey earlier today.
I just realized yesterday that I haven’t heard a new song in like 2 months. My radio in my Jeep has not left ESPN radio like at all.
Pleasure traveling to the Springs with you, Bryan. 2.5 hours both ways to Cripple Creek. I said “you have control of the radio.” We listened to 5 hours of sports talk…when we weren’t driving around Pike’s Peak or talking about what would happen if we broke down and knocked on a door who hadn’t been in civilization for 20 years.
This is the mountain we drove around. Colorado doesn’t suck.
On that note. Go watch Breakdown, people. I told him about the movie. It is on my short list of movies with big name actors that haven’t been watched by enough people. Or MWBNATHBWBEP. The Score and The Edge are co-captains on this team.
Is my Rant Squad suddenly well behaved, or do I need to field a new team?
He might deny it, but notice how Kyrie Irving gave up the ball last night to LeBron about 50% of the time crossing mid court.
Does anyone else laugh when thinking about Raiders fans on the Riverwalk in San Antonio? By the way, the Riverwalk is pretty dope.
You figure it out. Google “Howie long metal pebbles.” Trust me.
If you recall though, you could dive over the line every single passing play using Howie Long as your D player in the first Tecmo Bowl.
Damn, I miss that game.
I need feedback. I am developing an all star squad of players we know won’t ever win anything. It gets confusing. Scott told me John Wall should be my point guard, and we went back and forth on whether he was saying Wall was BETTER than my guy, or a better LOSER. Anyway, here is my squad. Remember. Best possible player at each position who will never win anything. Seriously. Confusing. PG: Brandon Jennings SG: JR Smith (easy choice) PF1: DeMarcus Cousins PF2: Zach Randolph C: Dwight Howard BENCH: Melo.
Carson Palmer got an extension. Anyone else think he is 42, but not somehow?
Carson is like Case Keenum. I would explain that joke, but I don’t think we would get there still. Long time readers get that joke.
Sometimes I tweet something, making it my favorite thing of the day, but then forget to blog about it. Join Twitter. It is cool.
I think your MSU squad beats OSU tonight by 10 points. Guaranteeing it? Not necessary.
So, it started as a sad, odd story, and ends as a shame. Bironas was drunk and speeding when he crashed. I liked it better when he was just driving. This is like a horrible real life story of Rocky IV.
People. That movie ended the Cold War. Deal with it.
That was rude too. Don’t worry. Getting near the end.
Google “rita jeptoo drug test deadspin.”
This is the funniest, most inappropriate thing I have read all week. Deadspin took the time to rank the top animals that it would be immoral to eat. Hold on. I am back. I just read it again. Some random shit. Start by laughing that “humans” are #3. http://foodspin.deadspin.com/which-animals-are-the-worst-to-eat-morally-1655679961
If you didn’t click on the last link. I will wait.
Seriously, why wouldn’t you? We are not saying to EAT these animals. We are saying it is bad.
What did you think? Great stuff, huh?
I find it a shame Marcus Smart got hurt because I think he will end up being a STEAL from the draft and make it an easy decision getting Rondo out of town.
Lou Holtz just sounds drunk when he talks.
If you don’t like Grateful Dead, I find that something is wrong with you, and that you can’t just relax, do nothing, and listen to music.
I forget who said it, but someone last night said after a Dion Waiters basket “not the butler, but the waiter.” And you wonder why I wonder how I am not on TV. I could do better than THAT.
Before the Nuggets game, the announcers commented on how Denver was cold…like all the time. People. I wear shorts all the freaking time. Why does any nationally televised event happen to be right before a snow storm?
If you made it to the end, email me. You will receive a free bowl of bacon, Havarti, and potato soup via mail. It is not my concern that the soup will be bad or spilled when it reaches you. Soup comes in one of two color combinations (food coloring). Blue and orange, black and gold.
That is it. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro.
Not blogging tomorrow. Lindsey is back.
No idea how the below hook got separated from the rest. Probably why WordPress won’t let me number. Geez. Peace.