Taken OUT maybe…to the pasture…the franchise is no Bourne, Liam.
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
On the clock. Evening rant. No time to post during lunch today. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for joining me. Let’s get those lines in and get some fishing done. Lots of hooks out there.
2) That fishing thing wasn’t as cool as I thought it would come across. Oh well, let’s keep brainstorming. As in my life, a work in progress.
3) The Josh Gordon one year ban is upheld. I think they could have lowered it to 8 games or so just to show the changing culture on pot, but Goodell and crew like standing firm. So, let’s just hope that if Ray Rice drags his wife off an elevator again, he doesn’t use the same game ban calculator.
4) On the pot note, 75% of NFL players in a recent confidential poll agree with Obama that pot is not as big of risk as alcohol is. Ok. I could go with that logic. Just make sure you 75% tell Mr. Bell and Mr. Blount that this logic is assuming you are laying down on your couch at home not bothering anyone eating Cheetos…NOT driving.
5) So, I have a couple notes on the whole Josh Shaw thing. It just came out that “he admitted that he lied.” A) Have we established he even HAS a nephew so we know how dead on our Teo references are? B) Is someone going to tell us WHAT actually happened, are they going to hide it, or did he just blackout during the injury? C) This is such a downer considering us hard core college football fans are chomping at the bit (whatever the cliché is) for the first weekend of football. D) How do the freshman look up to their captain and not laugh? E) Can USC go like two years without something illegal or strange happening at their football program?
6) And can North Carolina football win SOMETHING before doing all of THEIR strange happenings? Hazing. Parking tickets. Recruiting. Some other stuff I don’t feel like Googling.
7) By the way, I got NO love on Twitter for a BRILLIANT tweet. “Is it too easy of joke that the Josh Shaw investigation has gone “up the ladder” at USC when he was seen “shimmying DOWN a ladder…” or something like that. It is harder when you only have 140 characters, which is why I like Twitter.
8) Thanks to those readers I have out there. I appreciate you reading my banter. Readership is up. For you newer readers who think this is too all over the board for your taste, then page down to another entry and read any title that has “Mr. Royal” in it. He is my co-blogger, and my more focused, less distracted counterpart.
9) Drunk History is the best show on TV.
10) I am enjoying the public banter between the T-Wolves owner and Kevin Love. And to close this issue, Kevin Love is right. Stop calling out his defense or lack of, and mind your own team once you memorize the names of all of your new players. Flash cards work great.
11) Bromance. That is cool. Jordan was at Federer’s match the other night. He is going for his sixth US Open. I think it is cool. It is like me and Tom Brady except that I haven’t won any Super Bowls and don’t attend his games.
12) Legal. SHE sent it to me. Things that happen when you ask your woman where she wants to eat. True. True. True. http://thechive.com/2014/08/21/21-things-that-happen-when-you-ask-your-girlfriend-where-do-you-want-to-eat-21-photos/?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=daily&utm_campaign=Chive+Daily++2014-08-21&utm_param=Dailymail
13) That is one LONG link. Wow.
14) A fan who lost his eye replaced it with a Seahawks logo prosthetic eye. Normally, I would laugh at this. But I think that if I was an eye down, I would consider the Steelers logo as a top threat to take over my eye. I am down.
15) Michael Sam made the first round of cuts for the Rams. Still a lot of players to be cut, but his three sacks might carry him through. On a side note about Michael Sam, class-EEE that ESPN did an article on his SHOWERING HABITS???? Or tried to before parties stepped in?? Come on, ESPN.
16) Aaron Hernandez suppressed some electronics search evidence thing that was a win for him in court. I have a feeling whatever this suppressed thing is, that we know he still killed some dudes.
17) Our patio is large…now if we could just buy a larger cooler. 99 pack of beer. http://gizmodo.com/good-god-someones-selling-a-99-pack-of-beers-1626890533
18) That’s what I get. I predict that Coker will still win the starting QB at Bama and then a day later it comes out Sims is the frontrunner now. That’s why I am on my couch.
19) The Pats traded 6 Pro Bowler guard Logan Mankins to the Bucs for a TE and 4th round draft pick, meaning aside from his salary and age being mild devil’s advocates, we are simply left staring at the wall figuring the Pats are doing something genius that we don’t understand like when they trade down in the draft, until we suddenly jolt ourselves and remember they haven’t won anything in a long while and that it was more accurate saying those things when they were winning Super Bowls…(breath)
20) Is Andy Murray on the Andy Roddick career path? Wait. That joke doesn’t work. Even though Murray has looked like hell lately, he even won TWO Grand Slam events.
21) And building on my American tennis tirade yesterday, Sloane Stephens just lost in the second round. Point PROVEN. She hasn’t even REACHED Andy Roddick stature because she HASN’T won ONE Grand Slam.
22) I think Meriweather’s appeal would create more sympathy if not a repeat offender and not for being once quoted as saying “well, I’ll just keep paying the fines.” Change your ways, bro, even though the last one wasn’t your worst one.
23) So, middleweight Jermain Taylor shoots his cousin multiple times in his home a little over a month before a shot at the world title? Jermain is trying for the expedited path to my Rant Squad. Or just the expedited path to prison, where technically he then disqualifies himself from my rant squad.
24) Speaking of. You guys are quiet. Let’s pick it up.
25) My buddy, Chris, sent this to me. Athletes on LinkedIn. Funny. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2124368-if-athletes-had-linkedin-profiles
26) I still really like the Simon Says Mike Trout commercial.
27) Just the facts, people. Just the facts.
28) So, the Yankees look like they might win tonight after I have watched them SHELL David Price in 3 innings. I believe that although they dropped a game, the horsehead mask rally lives on. Ever since the reliever Kelley wears it pregame, they are playing STELLAR.
29) AND they might get back Tanaka soon…
30) Everyone take a seat. Take a breath. Now work with me here. Taken 1 was cool. Taken 2 was ok. Taken 3 is coming out soon. AND Liam Neeson is coming out with a movie (something about walking with tombstones) where he goes after guys who steal OTHER people’s wives? Did I see that preview correctly? Is this real? Am I in some Liam Neeson universe where only I am tortured by the same movie over and over AND I go see it still? Someone grab me a freaking flowchart so I can shove it up his a$% while reminding him that Jason Bourne would have whooped his butt. Ugghhh. (breath)
31) Doc Rivers got re-upped on his contract with the Clippers. $10 million per year now. In searching for whether he was now the highest paid coach, I found some neat tidbits. Tyronn Lue is the highest paid assistant coach…like ever. Dude makes $6.5 million over 4 years. Not a bad gig, especially since he can call a play now and say “give it to LeBron.”
32) Second tidbit. Do you REALIZE the players behind Kobe in salary are the following players? All washouts/ not clutch winners. No titles. Mostly idiots. Stoudemire (yes, FACT), Joe Johnson, Melo, Dwight Howard. Glad to know the money is being thrown the right places.
33) I lost interest in trying to find the NBA coaching salary food chain list.
34) I still am saving the Nashville and Sturgis pics. Sounds like a Labor Day weekend at home post to me.
35) Get Pete Rose in the freaking HOF.
36) I hope that Dez Bryant gets busted for something during all of this negotiation for more money.
37) I like Matt Cassel as a starting QB. As long as the team is not mine. I will take my motorcycling rapist.
38) Hank Haney says Tiger needs practice, not a coach. That is very nice of him to say, he is right probably, and now he just waits by the mic until the NEXT coach is fired or another missed cut occurs.
39) Which might only not be soon because the golf season is winding down.
40) I wish Jerry Jones would stop talking about Josh Brent.
41) Actually, I wish that Jerry Jones would just stop talking.
42) Did the Rays expect their game protest to be upheld ONE week after the first game protest was upheld since freaking 1986??
43) I am excited for Richie Incognito to be back in the NFL. It is like Notre Dame football being good. Or the U. You have to have the bad guys to have a good cops and robbers movie.
44) I just made that up. Not bad. (Cue eye roll)
45) It is nice having a Jeep, whether mine works good or not. When pinned in a parking lot the other day because of a bomb threat/ evacuation, I just drove over some curbs, through an alley, on a sidewalk, through an alley, and headed home.
46) The Seahawks were docked $300,000 for overpracticing or something like that. Well, I can look at Pete Carroll and know he will try to accidentally beat the system. West coach version of Belichick.
47) Soccer update. Man U was upset by someone called MK Dons, or a team 38 places lower than them in the Cup thing that is going on.
48) Landon Donovan will play for the US team against Ecuador coming up. That is adorable. Still doesn’t make up for the fact that he should have been in Brazil.
49) That is it. I am SO over this laptop after arriving at work today at 545am, skipping lunch, and getting home at 515. Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.