You have to read the whole thing and click on one thing to get the theme.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

Not on the clock.  Not an airplane rant.  Afternoon rant.  Not a speed version.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1. Greetings and salutations, people. Thanks for coming aboard (the boat).  Let’s talk real quick.
2. If you roll my eyes when you know I am writing this after having a couple drinks, log off.
3. Mom, that means you. I will talk to you tomorrow.  Waiting… But happy birthday.  Love you.
4. My mom created a guy who was perfect, got in a fraternity, messed everything up that she had built, and now am about 60% back to what she created for me. Thanks, Dad.  I hit golf balls this weekend for the first time in a year and I was JAMMING the ball.  Thanks for the athleticism.  I am the poster child for being jack of all trades and master of none, but that is only because I was fair to the world and decided to try and master a new sport every two years.
5. I am serious, people. Get out.  I am probably going to come hard and abrasive.  Get out.
6. If you don’t get why I am doing this, then you have not been reading this long enough. One more warning before I begin.  
7. So now we just have the people who want to read this blog.  Welcome.  This will be about sports, of course, but I might have a tangent or two.  It happens.  Get you own blog.  It is liberating.  Having people READ your dribble is just a plus.
8. The Jordy Nelson injury ruined some people, and although I have not looked it up, apparently it literally just switched the SB favorite from the Packers to the Pats.  
9. In Vegas, people.
10. John, you sucked today at pool. My buddy is usually pretty good, but today I might as well have draped him on my shoulders.
11. I won the last three games solo. Equilibrium restored.
12. My buddy, Scott, thinks Now You See Me sucks, but I think he is wrong. Not an Oscar movie, but good stuff. Hold on.  Watching the final scene…
13. One more minute…  
14. Oh, JJ.  Pops.
15. I think I just order brunch things when they have the word “skillet” in them.
16. Count out Roger Federer. Dare you. He is old for a tennis player, but he put on a clinic today against Djokovic. 7-6 of course is not an ass whipping, but winning against Djokovic ANY win against Djokovic is a huge win.
17. I can talk about this. There are two dudes from Jersey STILL wrapping their hands around their head about losing to two dudes in the state semi’s after winning for FOUR years straight.   I did that.  And I am sure I didn’t talk any shit while me and Chris were bringing them down.
18. I woke up today and was hungover. I worked for THREE hours. I just started doing stuff and then kept doing stuff.  I hope my company loves me.  I didn’t have to work as I still have 8 days of being a sales hero before the numbers go back to zero, but I LOVE working, and I am not done yet.
19. No, JJ. I will try to catch you in 2016. I will be happy with #2 or #3 this year.  He is the MAN.  
20. Pretty much one of the best people I know, and definitely one of the best sales persons I know.
21. The New York Giants lost two safeties today for the season. I guess the only thing we can be happy about in this odd thing is that most New York people irritate us.
22. Amit, much love, good hanging out, and love you, bro. I only have enough true friends to fill one hand, but the difference between me and the people who have 100’s of friends is that I would take a bullet for one of my friends  .
23. Now You See Me finale. LOVE this flick. There is something wrong with you, Scott.  While we are in a picture mode, here is the best under 6 foot white, slow bball player in the world, and my best man next year.  
24. I DARE you to say you can beat him at basketball.  You can’t, MF.
25. I will combine hooks and just say that the Rockies suck and the Mets are pretty good.
26. I am not saying that The Hoodie is a cheater, but I WILL say that I believe a lot of things that come out of Jim McMahon’s mouth.  
27. Hold on. End of movie. Need to find another channel.
28. Gone Girl. If you have a subconscious motive to hate women, just drink and watch this movie. I don’t, but still will have the movie on in the background while I write this.
29. Seriously, JACKED up movie. Makes you question your happiness AND sadness.
30. I just made that up. I think that was pretty clever.
31. If you think that Josh Donaldson is a flash in the pan, then you don’t know baseball.  6 RBI’s the other night.  
32. If I get bored with movies, tonight is Sunday Night Baseball and I can just listen to Joe Buck talk genius shit.  
33. I think cream cheese, hot sauce, and eggs should be in EVERY dish I eat again for the rest of my life.  
34. Hal Bickings is in town, and I am going to Red Rocks with him on Wednesday. Their friendship was HAM (Hal, Aaron, Mike) and then I joined. We became HAMM (you figure it out).  I can’t wait for Hal to tell my fiancée about how our entire nighttime goal in high school was to find a BETTER secret corn field to drink in.  The Road was our greatest creation, and I am still proud of it to this day.
35. Mom, you stopped reading, right? If you are still reading, you know I make up stuff.  JUST joking.  
36. Kind of.  Not really.
37. I am confused about this being Sunday, since I accomplished SO much yesterday. I will just keep writing.
38. Marty rarely reads this, but was mad one time when I didn’t offer a prize. Marty (JJ, don’t tell him), if you say the words “Rocky IV” to me Monday between the hours of 8 and 10am, I will buy you the lunch special down the street.  
39. I am amazed because he says he used to beat up frat boys, and I am a frat boy.  Amazing we get along.  
40. To a degree, that was me in college.  To a degree.
41. If JJ doesn’t tell him, he won’t get a lunch. He has other stuff going on, like prepping for a mini Marty. Damn, I am so glad I need a dog but no kid.  Plus, if you think about it, does ANYONE in the entire world want me reproducing?  The original Mark Filler is barely making it through the world.  God forbid if A) there was a second one and B) I had to watch over it.
42. I did a lot this summer. Two things carry over until next year. The legendary Conundrum hike from Aspen and a triathlon.  Baby steps.  
43. So want to do it.  Party after 8 miles of hiking…
44. Damn, this movie is SOOOOOO fucked up.
45. Seriously, if you have ever seen Rules of Engagement, I am Jeff and Lindsey is Audrey. Spot on.  
46. The paper is next to me, and I will try and post the all time rankings from myself, Walt, and Vince at the end of this blog (tired and having fun posting pictures-this pushes-again).
47. Wait, I sincerely have nowhere to go. I guess the only way I won’t post them is if I forget. Setting an alarm…
48. Posada will not be in the HOF overall, but he should be in the Yankees HOF now, and he was dope.
49. I have the coolest cat in the entire world who thinks he is a dog, but he is still a cat. He scratched Lindsey’s foot and my neck in two consecutive days.
50. I might need to turn off this movie. I knew this movie was (sorry, mom) fucked up, but I forgot HOW fucked (sorry again, mom-told you to tune out) up it was.  
51. I think it is basically Basic Instinct II.  
52. But we ALL almost lost our shit when she moved her leg.  Come on.
53. So, when I come home everyday, and Jackson tries to run somewhere, he literally is one of those cartoon characters trying to go somewhere but spinning in place.  
54. Kyle, congrats on you new daughter coming along. Scott gets me and likes me. He bypasses the idiot things.    Same.  Kyle, probably more than both those two guys.  Kyle just GOT me and I am proud to say that I was loaded in a bar when I told Toni (wife but just a friend’s roommate at the time) that Kyle “liked” him.  Could have gone bad.  I am an idiot.  Glad it worked out. (Kyle doesn’t read this either).  
55. That’s not Kyle, of course, but I found it funny that he is on the search when you Google his name.
56. Have I mentioned how FUCKED up this movie is? Haven’t turned it yet, it won’t be my theme, but dammit.
57. Lindsey is scouting our wedding places with her dad. Steve, thanks. Lindsey, as long as it has a bar, a beach, and a pool, I am good.  
58. Golf nearby would be a bonus, as I have decided that I am suddenly good at golf.
59. Doesn’t matter about how BAD he beat him, Bolt beat Gatlin and can’t WAIT until next year. I hope to be about 200 feet away (working on taking me and Lindsey), and the Rio showdown will be epic. Bolt could go down in SERIOUS history…as opposed to funny history.  
60. Where IS Drunk History? Soon?  Greatest show ever.  
61. I love the signing of Sasha Kaun for the Cavs, but I still hate JR Smith, so I don’t care.  
62. Ralph, if you are reading this and come up to me between 12-4 and say “pittsburgh” to me, I will also buy you pizza from down the street.  
63. I have never seen him smile that big, but that is neither here nor there.
64. AP, NO. You are NOT the LeBron of football. I know he didn’t do 3,4,5,6 etc., but win one and THEN talk.
65. The John Cena thing on ESPN was pretty tight.  
66. I feel like working out suddenly.
67. This movie is SO jacked up. Almost about to turn it. Where the hell is Rocky IV?  
68. Going to the US Cycling Championship was pretty dope. I don’t plan on taking up cycling, and my Droid takes pretty dope pics, but nice day.  
69. These guys were kicking everyone’s ass, though.  
70. I am seriously Paul Rudd from I Love You Man. I was free Saturday night, called people about 1pm, and came up empty. I don’t care.  And Rush is a pretty cool group.  
71. So glad that Lindsey only wants a best man and woman-I would be reaching to put together five or six people.  One is easy though.
72. When I try to look classy on my patio and have a drink, am I ruining the effect by having my vodka or bourbon in a red Solo Cup?  
73. Is that why the homeless people talk to me?
74. Ukwuachu sounds like the beginning of that 80’s video…
75. You know the one.
76. My boss loves my sports knowledge, tells me he will read my blog, gets tired of me telling him that the answer to his question “is in my blog,” and I will buy you a Chophouse lunch if you say “Mudiay” between the hours of 11 and 1pm tomorrow.  
77. Can you move to Denver again, Ben? I am starting to recruit engineering people for 2016.  
78. I think I will care what Dareus says when I actually respect Rex Ryan.
79. This movie is so jacked. About to turn it…
80. I went out and had fun with my friends, since I assumed Tiger would do what he did today. Good call. At one point, he was the ONLY golfer in the top 26 to be over par.
81. I sold a big deal this week, but I like my ripped gray shoes and will probably break down in Eleanor before I buy a new or used car. I love my Jeep.  
82. Just came acorss this picture when I was looking for Eleanor.  Damn, I was a cute kid.  What happened?  
83. My dad was a good looking dude, too.
84. Not as much as my hats, but I love Eleanor.
85. I was in Pittsburgh and planned on getting a new hat, but felt like I was cheating on Lindsey even LOOKING at other hats.  Plus, my hat is shredding and everything, but only at year 3 of a typical 5 year cycle.
86. Cespedes, nice job, but let’s keep in mind that the Rockies suck.
87. Finding another movie.  Can you believe Weekend at Bernie’s not only was a movie, but also had a sequel.
88. Rain Man.  That is good for now.  
89. Nice Fiers, and you will be the greatest trivia question in history 20 years from now, and MIGHT be MIGHTY scary because you are on the Astros, and they are doing SOMETHING in October, good or bad.
90. Thank you, MLB, for just bringing the noise with your DV policy.
91. I only had 4 crab legs, but Mount Vernon Country Club buffet is pretty dope. Cheese plate.  I am useless at buffets.  I eat three plates and done and am hungry one hour later.  
92. I have a pizza stomach as of 4 years ago. I have had a cheese stomach since 1983.
93. I wish I would have not thought Iron Maiden was too “hard” when I was a kid, because I love their shit these days. I would NOT recommend doing them in karaoke. He has a high voice.  
94. Why the fuck am I still watching this movie?
95. I will comment on MLB predictions another day.
96. I will let you know who will win the World Series besides the Cardinals another day.
97. I want Uganda to win the LLWS.
98. Weren’t the Dodgers making fun of the Yankees’s payroll about ten years ago?
99. Michael Jordan could have a $100 million income literally just looking for people who are using his name.
100. And LeBron, you wouldn’t stand a chance, OK?  
101. Verlander is making a noble act on the foul ball thing, but I bet people in Detroit wish he would just pitch better.
102. My new thing is putting a water bottle in the freezer and then waiting 20 minutes and drinking water with ice chips in it. Don’t laugh. You probably do weird stuff too.  I just found out about salmon and lox 7 years ago.  I wasted 35 good years of my life.  Just had one yesterday again.  Making up for lost time.  
103. No capers though.  Hate those things.
104. While we are showing pics, here is my girl who is so cool that she is in Mexico looking at wedding locations and all I have done is sent her big sports dates to NOT have a wedding on.  
105. That was her first ride in a helo.
106. I am going to Winter Park next week and am VERY excited. Cool place, and alpine slide is involved. I was the last person to veto the ATV trip.  I made them understand.  I am not an ATV person.  I simply wanted to rent an ATV in Lakewood, WI because it was the ATV capital of the world.  It is like going into Joseph’s Burger place in wherever and NOT ordering “Joseph’s Burger” if you are undecided.
107. Plus, hanging out with Kristen/Cooler is pretty dope.  Long story.
108. No, I did NOT make it out of the grocery store without getting Easy Cheese. You win some, you lose some.  
109. Don’t look at the pic.  Cheddar is overrated.  You WANT to do fun stuff, but simple American is the best.  K?
110. Check out THIS shit. Copy and paste the number and search it. Boom goes the dynamite.  http://www.whitepages.com/reverse_phone
111. Dammit.  That just iced my theme.
112. Karma. My Easy Cheese just ran out.
113. Concur. Start a movement.  I would like to be on the committee who decides what the replacement word is.  http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliafurlan/fiance-is-awkward-af#.pyNdEB8AV
114. Thanks, Steve. Interesting list. Actually, I can’t argue with any of them, and even concur that Stallworth and Swann got in on a package deal.  Aikman should be in the HOF though.  Get Cris Carter out of it.
115. Ohio State is a unanimous choice as the #1 team in the nation. Yes, they might do something VERY special historically.  Got a feeling we will be starting 1995 Nebraska debates very soon.  
116. Robert, you can ignore my call today, but my buddy, John, has a Coca Cola Bear Bryant bottle he wants to sell on eBay. You NEED that.  
117. That’s not Robert.  That is just who he worships.
118. I want to fight anyone who thinks NFL preseason games are “games.”
119. I can always write this off as a Steve Sarkisian guest blog.  
120. IF Reggie Wayne ends up on the Pats, take MY vote for them winning it all.
121. Tell you friends. Andy Pettitte is the first person ever who did PHD’s and got in any HOF.
122. That’s it.  See?  Not that abrasive.  Just had to warn people in case it got ugly.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  Peace.