You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to HOLD the reservation.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  I might have to continue my thoughts tomorrow on the plane.  I don’t have enough hours in the day when I DON’T travel, let alone when I DO.  Work still to do.

I feel the need…the need for speed.

1)  Odd situation over at Texas Tech.  Billy Gillispie is being checked in the Mayo Clinic I hear, and meanwhile one of his prime players on the basketball team is chirping about not wanting to play for Gillispie if he returns.  Either Billy did some serious shit to piss this kid off, or Jordan Tolbert is the type of guy to add insult to injury at a very odd time.

2)  Andy Reid defended Michael Vick’s play this week.  What ELSE can Andy Reid do?  He already chased out McNabb and Kolb.  He is stuck with the label of having talent many years of his coaching career and NOT winning.  The ONLY thing he has left is for Michael Vick to come around and play well, stay healthy, and somehow remind us how the Eagles, on paper, have some of the best talent in the entire league.

3)  Anyone else get the feeling that the only reason we are not on the replacement refs’ case is because it is early in the season?  No one’s season is at the brink yet.  This might be allowable for now, but mistakes later in the season?  We are talking mobs in city parks.  I personally have seen at least 4 calls that went under the hood that I was surprised at their slow motion ruling.  This will be interesting to see how this plays out, but it is fun to learn about kindergarten teachers making road trips on weekends to be on TV, right?

4)  In case you didn’t know that Arnold is officially done with politics and back to his old self, let me show you a picture of his new ride courtesy of Lindsey’s findings on the web.  This ride is almost saying “I can’t BELIEVE you let me be a governor for years and years.  Take THAT.”  http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2012/08/arnold-schwarzenegger-mercedes-unimog-250k-custom-diesel-truck

5)  Why do people need nice rental cars on business trips?  Unless it is to show how much money you have, and are worried about image for some reason for people that are not your clients, I don’t get it.  I drive a Jeep.  They have high visibility.  The ONLY thing I care about is driving slow and not having anyone hit me in the car that I don’t own and that my company won’t let me buy extra insurance on.  Screw image.  These low rung new cars are pretty tight.  Give me a Aveo EVERY time to run it into the ground.  In case you forgot THIS scene:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWTMa76BzH0

5a)  Also, I successfully missed DC rush hour traffic today.  Traffic jams on highways with a rental car, in my opinion, is like missing those badass monsters from I Am Legend that only came out at night.  Night in I Am Legend=rush hour with a rental.  When my watch makes that beep beep sound, I am getting my rental car and any dogs I happen to have on me HOME.  Fast.

6)  The US soccer team beat Jamaica in a MUST win game.  They earned it.  My apologies (kind of) to Jergen Klinsmann.  I have NEVER seen a 1-0 soccer game that was so one sided…except for a lot of OTHER soccer games I suppose.  Flow chart!

7)  Roger Clemens has NOW said he only will pitch against a “contender.”  Dude, I would say you did drugs JUST for saying dumb shit like that.  You are pushing 50.  We all think you cheated.  Therefore, if you GET to the big leagues again, just say thank you and walk away.  Get that freaking mic away from him.  Now.

8)  Roger Goodell wants to meet with all the Bountygate players.  I understand why the other 3 might not be able to meet on a dime, but Jonathan Vilma seems pretty open schedule-wise suddenly.

9)  In my “no joke needed” category, also from a Lindsey contribution, check out THIS.  Houston Texan JJ Watt said they did so well this weekend…how?  Because he got the snap count from…wait for it…it might be coming to your mind now…think some more….YES.  You GOT it.  HARD KNOCKS…the freaking SHOW on TV.  Classic.  Even if he IS lying, that is awesome.

10)  Kevin Durant is getting stronger, and LeBron looks good to the media to shed his bad guy image.  These two are working out together in “legendary” off season workouts.  First of all, you can take your hard core workouts and have Jerry Rice wipe his upper back leg with it. Second, I don’t recall Larry and Magic working out together.  LeBron, just because you got one, it doesn’t mean you are all knowing and should share your secrets.  Do that shit on your own.  Let Durant get better on HIS own.  You might pay for this, and still be six short of your self projected seven rings.

11)  Contributed by my former boss, Vince…He knows how much I despise Tim Tebow and his headlines, and thought he would share this Onion headline.  Awesome.  “Tim Tebow’s 11 Rushing Yards Lead Jets To 48-28 Rout Of Bills”

12)  Jay Cutler is built up in the media for such a strong performance.  Luckily for us, he decided he needed to say something stupid to balance it out.  Going against a former 15-1 team from last year, who has just come off a home loss, AND going to THEIR crib for the game, Cutler decided to call out the Green Bay cornerbacks, saying they are scared.  Dude, you AND Roger Clemens are in my NEW “take the mic away from him NOW” club.  Congrats on being VP, since it was just originated 5 minutes ago.

13)  I don’t know what is going on.  I really need to see about two more wire headlines to become interested.  But, know this.  There is a scandal going on at Harvard.  It involves sports, not Facebook.  Actually, since I have only seen the movie once, and go on Facebook about once a week, I am not even sure if the Facebook thing even HAPPENED at Harvard.  But I digress.  You get the point.  There was a story, I was too lazy to put an official hook on it, I didn’t research it, and it was just on my crazy long legal note pad list.  Moving ON.

14)  Mark Cuban has said that even with big moves by the Lakers and Nets, that he has a solid contending team.  Thanks, Mark.  I appreciate you reading my Rant.  That was yesterday’s take, it is oddly offseason, and you make that comment a day after I write it.  Love it.  Tell your friends, Mark.

15)  Ozzie Guillen is back on Twitter, I hear.  Ok.  Now we have a Secretary for the new club I just formed about taking away the mic.  The ONLY good thing about Ozzie being on Twitter is that it restricts him to 140 characters per thought.  THAT is a good thing.  I think his shorthand sucks.  PLEASE tweet something after having one of those 40 bottles of liquor behind you in your office.  It was hook #3 in my April 12, 2012 rant, people, if you don’t get the joke. I want REGULAR readers.

16)  Just saying.  NOT trying to jinx it.  Here they come, people.  Just control F “W7.”  That would be the Phillies present win streak.

http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/standings/

17)  I do NOT remember a year in the last 15 that a walk off home run with the Red Sox and Yankees brought about a yawn to me during ESPN highlights.  Red Sox, you suck.  At least my Phils are going out with a gusto.  We also don’t need player owner meetings.  Probably because Charlie Manuel would whip all of our asses.

18)  Here is my report on DC.  The last time I drove around, I was ON a street and kept driving straight and then it would turn into something else…usually with a NE or NW on it.  Today, I cross sectioned the town and thought I was on the WRONG street, and THEN I would go straight ahead, and THEN it turned INTO the street I was looking to turn right on.  Or “slight right,” as Google puts it.  Anyway, I had inverted trips.  Perfect.

19)  I hear that Michael Jordan will be making less decisions in the future on his club.  At least he is not coming back, at least he still thinks he will make the Senior PGA Tour, and at least those bad dreams of Kwame Brown that I have had Michael J Fox inserting into his brain with Van Halen tapes and Darth Vader costumes are finally paying dividends.  You are the best player of all time, not executive.

20)  Just when you thought that the Jerry Jones and his family weren’t making enough money.  His son in law gets caught on camera doing something embarrassing.  The media catches it, and instead of making excuses, the dude does THIS.  http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/2012/0912/Jerry-Wipes-Smudged-glasses.-Viral-video.-Now-a-Cowboys-product

21)  A fan this week bought Muhammad Ali’s childhood home.  You might THINK I might fun of that.  I am not.  I will say THIS.  If I just HAPPENED to have 70k sitting around the house like Floyd Mayweather has for betting money, and his house HAPPENED to be for sale at the exact same time I was on the internet?  I would have bought the shit too.  Dude was GOAT.  You would also.  IF we all had 70k sitting around the house unattended to of course.

22)  I hear that Aaron Rodgers lost a bet to Boyz II Men on the game.  I am NOT looking this up, I just HAPPEN to be from outside Philly, I am NOT a HARD core Boyz II Men fan…but what?  They wrote a SONG about Motown Philly, and then are all 49ers fans?  What gives?  Don’t pay them, Aaron.

23)  So.  Notre Dame is going to the ACC for everything but football.  The ACC backs off its usual regulations, and Notre Dame gets what it wants.  Great.  All is perfect and fancy in the world.  I guess the ONLY thing we get out of this is that the Big East is on the downslope in bball, and the ACC is back on the up, which means you guys will get creamed when you join.  Welcome mat extended, other pretty smart guys.

24)  My colleague at work complains I don’t mention Michigan State football.  Craig, I have nothing to say since I am at the end of my rant, but I wanted to mention them and tell everyone that Craig says to watch OUT for them this year.

25)  Speaking of buddies, I don’t dodge things.  Although I think the bandwagon has pre-wood wheels, too many seats for its foundation, and not the player who will keep it going, I guess I will (for Scott) mention that RGIII just won the NFL Offensive Player of the Week in his FIRST week.  He is the first rookie to ever do so (AND, he did it against the Saints.  How can you crack on THAT?  Don’t tell Scott I said that though…shhhh)

26)  Finally, my thoughts and prayers today go out to Marcell Dareus, who lost his brother in a shooting this week.  He is excused from the team, as he should be.  I can’t imagine if that happened to me.

27)  That is it.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.  I will be within a couple hours of PITTSBURGH.  I will have inner ranting strength.  Plus, I will be on an airplane.  Ridiculous how much it is to return a car in another state that is two hours away.  Instead I have to take a 1 stop, cheaper 4 hour flight.  Anyway, the bright side is that it is ranting time.  Hope you enjoyed.  Peace.