You’re my boy, Blue. You even nudged out legendary Rounders AND A Few Good Men as my theme for today. Good job.
(theme still should have been Jack Nicholson. Dammit. Must have been a really good flight.)
Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.
In no particular order of chronology or importance…
Not on the clock. Airplane rant. Lots to get to and plenty of time today. Let’s turn and burn.
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1) Greetings and salutations, all. We are on yet another airplane rant. Three hours wheels up to wheels down. That sounds like a lot of time, but you also haven’t seen the list next to me. Oh, and I don’t remember the last time I flew JetBlue. It has been a while as I have no recollection. Or maybe I never have. On time? Undersold flights? Free television? Electronics on while you take off? Only $40 to upgrade (didn’t on this one, did on way back as I refuse middle seats ALWAYS)? The “A” and closest gate at DIA? Back of plane boarding first? More legroom in normal coach? The free drinks haven’t even come around and I love these guys.
2) Airports to me= USA Today, making sure I get all of the most useless sports news as possible with lots of fancy, colorful lists and graphs.
3) WR Michael Crabtree has been cleared to practice for the 49ers. An already good team becomes title contenders again, and Colin Kaepernick is out somewhere having a couple beers and shots on this news. So are Kaepernick’s fantasy owners (including me). The 49ers are already good without all their weapons. They might be scary inserting him into the mix.
4) Tyson Chandler went down last night for the already challenged Knicks. Now, they lose their defense stalwart for 4-6 weeks. This is no bueno for any Knicks fans. At least all of the misfits who played defense like a Spanish matador had someone to block some shots before this.
5) LeBron joined a legendary group when he scored double figures in 500 straight games. That is impressive. I get it. Let’s just remember he has 366 to get the overall record, and that person only had the streak end because he decided to play for the Wizards at an ancient age. Pretty amazing though to go 500 or more without ONE game of rolling your ankle early and having to come out of the game before you get to double digits.
6) This Incognito-Martin thing is out of hand. I think that Mike and Mike said it best today. This is the football version of A Few Good Men. And I guess the Code Red was Incognito’s texts and voicemails. This is locker room stuff. I think the sports world can handle the truth, but would rather not.
7) I was just getting on a plane, but did I actually see a headline that said that Cuban says that David Stern made him? THAT might be true, it is odd coming from Cuban, but after writing this hook, I guess it IS true…well, aside from the billions of dollars he made with his company. I am sure he would have been JUST fine without the NBA and Mr. Stern.
8) My problem when I was 14 was that I was just good at enough things to not throw any of them away and JUST CHASE ONE THING. Well, the kid who just won the WSOP evidently had one. Been dreaming about it since he was 14. He is now a legend at 23 years old. I bet you his parents had a lot of heart to hearts about his “dream” before he walked away from the monstrous pot that is the post-Rounders World Series of Poker.
9) Yes, The thing was already successful, but Rounders helped to make it crazy popular.
10) Anna Benson pleaded guilty to coming over her ex-‘s house with a bulletproof vest and a gun. Nice entrance. What is nicer is how the last few years of craziness have really, really made it hard to believe that she used to be a super model. Ex-baseball player Kris Benson was legendary back in the day for being made in the shade with one of the hottest chicks on the planet…who now looks like an absolute wreck.
11) Lance Armstrong’s lawyers are accusing the authorities of leaks or something. I think this thing would have gotten out without “leaks.” PLEASE just go on your merry way, Lance. Take your entire crew.
12) Darren Clarke will return full time to the PGA Tour, and USA players are loving this. If there was one guy you would like to chill out, have a couple pops with, and play a round of golf with, it would be Darren. Ok. Maybe he is second. Give me Steve Elkington any day of the week over anyone out there presently. Yeah. I would take Steve over you too, Tiger.
13) Seneca Wallace is 6-15 all time as a starter, Packers fans. Just saying.
14) And you play in a pretty tough division that is all tied up.
15) And the rest of your team is not so stellar these days without Mr. Rodgers.
16) Wasn’t Seneca drafted in that ridiculous “mobile QB draft class?” I think Akili Smith was in that one too.
17) Who, you ask? Exactly.
18) At least Jeff Garcia is getting calls again this week…
19) Nick Saban will only consider Texas if he left Bama, according to his agent. THAT progressed fast from just getting a phone call from some Texas elders. I would like a moratorium (borrowing from Jim Rome) on all Saban-UT talk until AFTER the season please. We have a train wreck waiting in the actual sport as someone most likely will have a gripe about SOMETHING, but it sure is exciting. Or at least wait until Bama and is out of it to start talking about it.
20) You casual basketball fans remember the list of surprising Final Four teams over the last ten years. Don’t forget their names. Virginia Commonwealth and Wichita State are bringing back VERY, VERY good teams again, and might be in the mix again.
21) I will change it weekly most likely or by mood. Final Four. Duke, Kentucky, Michigan State, Oklahoma State.
22) I feel like Wade Phillips will still be named interim coach for SOME team for SOME reason like 20 years from now.
23) I just realized I am sitting next to a JetBlue pilot. I am just meant to use this airline.
24) I think that instead of hitting balls over bridges onto different continents that Tiger should be on the practice range. You don’t have a whole hell of a lot of prime left, bro. Wait to hit it continent to continent after a season about ten years from now.
25) I don’t have internet and need to get this out as soon as I get back to room. That being said, I have a few Deadspin links of choice on my list. Google what you feel is right.
26) Google “deadspin middle school coach fired team dinner Hooters.”
27) Google “deadspin runner drops out of marathon after getting number 666.”
28) I thought we learned our lesson with Harrison Barnes. Andrew Wiggins will end up being all world, but I don’t think THIS year. Even if he is, I don’t think he should be on the preseason AP All American team as a freshman. Smart? Duh. McDermott? Word. Russ Smith? Ummm. Ok. Mitch McGrary? Hmmm. I see that more than Smith actually and still a good pick. Wiggins? Probably not.
29) I am not comparing Harrison Barnes and Andrew Wiggins. I am just saying that highly touted freshman shouldn’t be on a team before playing one minute in college.
30) Speaking of Incognito, did you see that TMZ video of Richie at a bar? Classic. Google “deadspin incognito TMZ bar video.”
31) Nick Foles might not be named the long term start in Philly, but it still didn’t stop me from overpaying for him in Lindsey’s league to get him on ONE of my teams as a QB. Can you believe he was just chilling on the waiver wire in that league while tossing 7 TD’s?
32) Marc Jackson SHOULD call out Stephen Curry for his turnovers. Curry IS incredible, and the best shooter easily in the league, but limiting turnovers is one big difference between being dangerous in the playoffs and being a title contender.
33) Northwestern will wear red, white, and blue uniforms designed by Under Armour that do indeed look pretty dope. I wonder when this deal was inked. They probably would be MORE dope had Northwestern not dropped those last five games and fallen off the national radar.
34) Wow, that last second loss to Nebraska just HURT them to say the least. Could have been a turning point to rescue their season.
35) It is one thing to stay away from Twitter when you have a couple pops watching a game. It is another to not do it when you have a high profile sports job. I support the firing of that Miami radio host who got canned after his bounty tweets during a football game. And then, he just kept tweeting complaints about his firing afterwards.
36) Whoa. A WHOLE can of Coke Zero AND free chips and cookies? This is amazing, JetBlue. I believe their regular flyer club is called the Mosaic Club. That is catchy.
37) Whoa again. The potato chips are BLUE. Awesome.
38) Not all sarcasm and criticism in this thing. Get better and come back when you should, Gary Kubiak and John Fox. Football is miniscule to your health.
39) The Bears receiving corps could field a normal sized basketball team. Those guys are all TALL.
40) I am watching ESPN and they are estimating the spread changed 8.5 points with Seneca Wallace starting over Rodgers.
41) These blue chips are AWESOME tasting.
42) Michael Carter Williams won POW in his first week in the NBA. For the casual basketball fan who either didn’t catch him in high school or at Syracuse, you are now made aware. I get the feeling he wasn’t even better in college was because of all of the other early draft entries competing for time and points.
43) So let me get this straight and feel free to pass along the flow chart. Matt Flynn plays a week or two as a s starter a while back, does well, gets signed to a ridiculous starting QB contract, gets demoted, gets traded, and now is CUT. That is some serious shit going on there.
44) I heard there was a power failure during luge practice in Sochi. Whoever was going down at the time must have had a déjà vu moment with Space Mountain.
45) The new street we live on is one of the most peaceful streets I could imagine near downtown Denver. 17th and Emerson. Basically, I love my street. I am still trying to figure out what goes on Tuesday nights to have everyone and their mom fighting like vultures for spots, but otherwise, it is chill as can be.
46) I am going through a little Blacklist withdrawal. At some point, I will have to sit down and figure out this Direct TV stuff. I know where ESPN News and ESPN are. And Altitude and TNT. Taping stuff? I am hoping Lindsey takes care of that stuff.
47) Google “deadspin man assaults mascot during musical chairs.”
48) Google “deadspin being poor harder makes it harder to get to NBA.”
49) I am mesmorized by that Halo (I think) commercial that has Frank Sinatra in the background jamming out about living until he dies.
50) I know I am a little out of touch with UFC these days when the next big fight are two guys named Alexander Gustafsson and Jimi Manuwa. Not ringing a bell with me…no pun intended.
51) It will change of course, but this week’s version is Clippers over Thunder in 7, Pacers over Heat in 7, and then Clippers over Pacers in 6. This is assuming that the Clippers get one more serviceable big man at the trade deadline.
52) In case you were worried about a backup QB looking to a safety TE valve to get comfortable, the Packers put Finley on the IR and he is out for the season. Good luck with that, Seneca.
53) I wonder if Mr. Wallace liked applesauce as much as I did when he was a kid.
54) I am not saying I am laughing outwardly, but I somehow don’t feel sorry for Ryan Lochte for busting his ACL and MCL when a teenage girl rolled him over in a jump hug. I will not say that anyone deserves anything, but IF someone did, it might be that idiot.
55) Should I erase the previous hook? “What would Ryan Lochte do?” Nah.
56) JeBlue comes down the aisle for trash with one person for recycling and one person with the other stuff. How thorough.
57) I will admit that I don’t fully understand what goes in each bucket when I throw things away. At all. I am not the greenest of people walking this earth. Not out of caring. Just out of lack of effort or knowledge.
58) The Red Sox are making offers to a few of their players. Probably a VERY good idea. When you catch skilled lightning in a bottle, you need to pay that lightning its money.
59) Another Rounders flashback. “Pay him. Pay that man his money.” Classic.
60) De’Anthony Thomas says that Oregon will put 40 point on Stanford tomorrow. I get cockiness. I get having a swagger. But WHY rile up a team that ruined your dreams LAST year 17-14? Why? Just go out there and play. Geez. You are fast. Stanford is huge. Should be fun even without promises of laying down points. I personally wouldn’t piss those huge, smart kids off before trying to run between them.
61) Google “deadspin oladipo singing.” He does a nice job on Bill Withers Ain’t No Sunshine. Lindsey said it was good, but not awesome. When I said that this also happened to be the #2 pick in the NBA draft this year and he probably didn’t have a lot of time for voice lessons and practicing, she was then impressed.
62) He was #2, right? Yeah. It went Bennett and then Oladipo. Oh well. No editing airplane rants. Moving on.
63) I will admit that my personal fantasy football team is slightly in turmoil. I am bobbing and weaving to field a decent team, and letting go of players a little too early. Still in the mix, but ugghhh regardless.
64) I was diligent in working this morning (even at the airport) because there is NO way I am not going for a walk in my #3 town in the US. I don’t count Vegas as an actual city. I consider it a playground. I haven’t been to Maui. Ok, and maybe some of those Carribean territories don’t count either. Normal landlocked cities. San Diego #1. New Orleans #2. Boston #3.
65) I used to be a HUGE Criss Angel fan and still catch his new show. I actually prefer the small card tricks better than some of his ridiculous tricks. I know he has to make a living, and I will of course still want to see his show live some time. That being said, some of his new stuff is just getting ridiculous. Raising people from the dead? Levitating Shaq over a freaking house? Catching a bullet in your hand? Reel it in a bit and just get back to business. By the way, Criss, the amount of armor in front of you, on your body, and on your hand kind of took the luster out of the bullet trick.
66) I am torn. I hate Snowball, but I have said from a couple years ago how Chandler Parsons would be a underrated pro coming out of Florida. I like everyone on the Rockets EXCEPT for Snowball. Dammit. By the way, had Parsons stayed one more year at Florida, THAT team would have another title for Mr. Donovan.
67) A deep discussion between myself and a friend who shall remain nameless. Women are mad at men when we look down at their breast as opposed to in their eyes sometimes. Yet, some women choose to go through the whole elaborate process of getting fake ones. That is a lot of effort for something to just LOOK better. So, are we insulting these fake breast women by actually looking in their EYES first? Does that mean there is a green light to oogle?
68) I don’t think he reads this regularly or at all, but I would like to thank Lindsey’s dad for all of his help on our new place. If it wasn’t for your efforts and skill level, our place would not be close to operational. Thanks for giving me a longer timeline to learn some of this fix it crap.
69) I am trying to get injury updates and news. All ESPN is talking about is Richie Incgonito. I have an idea. Let’s do this. Come out with a NEW channel called ESPN HOT. When a story breaks that is being discussed in classrooms, water coolers, and houses everywhere, and if someone wants to see MORE about the topic, they just go to ESPN HOT. I have heard all arguments. I have heard all opinions. Shame this thing ever went viral. Dammit those Code Reds that have racial slurs. I want updates.
70) The Mariners hired Lloyd McClendon as their new manager. Decent manager and maybe he can change their ways out there. He has Pirates experience so he knows a losing atmosphere. He was a coach under Leyland in Detroit, so he knows a winning atmosphere also. Not a mind blowing hire, but not a bad one either.
71) The Toronto mayor admitted to doing some crack. That is funny in itself, and if you would like to know why Deadspin is so freaking cutting edge, they reported the story, but with a twist. Google “deadspin how old is this tie?” They break down the mayor’s tie which has football teams on it. Since the Jags and Panthers are on it, BUT the Oilers are still listed with their logo, they determine it is ballpark 1995. Nice work, DS.
72) Editor’s note. A couple blogs ago, I interchanged Pedroia with Ellsbury on an injury hook. My apologies. I get this thing out pretty quickly with no editing because of my busy schedule. My hook still remains the same though. He, whoever you are talking about, is a stud.
73) Texas hired a new AD. He came from ASU. Someone find out if him and Nick Saban have ANY ties in their past WHATSOEVER. I am betting they do.
74) I have said it before and I will say it again. WHY are there TWO stellar OVERLAPPING college football games on THURSDAY night? Did LSU and Alabama ask for an extra solitary Saturday? Are they after the NFL ratings from a channel not even in basic cable? So confused.
75) Google”france teenagers stolen llama tram.”
76) Google “buzzfeed left hanging top 25.” Lots of CLASSIC sports ones in there.
77) Did ESPN just bust out “Richie’s status is Incognito?” No, they couldn’t have. That would be just…wrong. And too much like my dumb jokes.
78) One bad thing about JetBlue depending on how you look at it. When the captain or stewardess gets on the mic, I can’t understand WHAT the hell they are talking about.
79) With all of the racial problems, and with the offensive line needing chemistry secondary to skill, are the Dolphins TRYING to jack up their in the gray area season?
80) Besides teams such as the Minnesota Timberwolves I have previously mentioned, I think Portland could end up being a sleeper playoff team when this season is all said and done. Lilliard is another year older, Aldridge is happy and playing well, and the supporting cast is pretty solid.
81) I am used to the last few years of looking at the NHL standings and seeing the Flyers at the bottom. I am NOT used to seeing them at the bottom of a stupidly named EIGHT team division.
82) The name of the division is “Metropolitan.”
83) 12-1, 92-2, 9-4, 9-2. What are those numbers? Those are the records in the NHL’s Central. And that still includes those surprising Avalanche. Ok. I will say it. If the Flyers go one way and the Avs go the other, you MIGHT find me rooting for the Avs in dark corners far away from people.
84) Sandra Bullock got five People’s Choice nominations. Ugghhh times Infinity times infinity.
85) What the hell ARE the People’s Choice Awards? We have the Emmy’s for TV shows. We have the Grammy’s for music. We have the Oscars for movies. We have the MTV Awards for videos that are never shown on any TV stations anymore. We have the CMA’s for country. Am I missing something? Where did these come from? Excuse to have a party?
86) I find it HORRIBLY disturbing that the ONLY show that beat out Game 6 of the World Series in the Top 20 Shows last week was NCIS. Horribly terrifying and disturbing.
87) That is enough. I will just go have my brain churn for the return flight tomorrow, where I guess I will not be sleeping, but frantically typing a rant while changing channels between two fantastic football games. Luckily I will have the extra space seats. Yay. That is it for today. Hope you enjoyed. Will I blog tomorrow? That is a CLOWN question, bro. Peace.
87a) Oh. And give me Oregon over Stanford 31-23 and Baylor over OU 37-31 (Sorry, Lindsey).