Zork. Damn I loved that game.

Read it, don’t read it, I don’t care…just needed to get some things off my chest.

In no particular order of chronology or importance…

On the clock.  Dinner time rant.  Speed version.  Let’s turn and burn.

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1. Greetings and salutations, people.  Thanks for hopping aboard (it’s a boat hypothetically-just go with it).  Speed version today as I am not blogging tomorrow during football, so let’s hit these quick.
2. Why are people suddenly talking about UVA rolling over and BYU running the table.   Wahoowa THIS.
3. Maybe we will beat the spread though?  Huh?  15 points?
4. I am listening to this replay of Roger Goodell’s comments. I care a lot less what comes out of his mouth because he already tricked me once.  That fancy written document on domestic assault a couple weeks ago proved to me he did a 180.  I got sucked in.  But, there is no way the NFL didn’t have that video, so now all I hear is blah blah blah.
5. My colleague, Robert, did some quick calculations and assumptions, and we think Kansas State should have had about 38 points last night if they could do anything decent in the red zone. Props to them for beating the 7 point spread, stopping the hard to stop Auburn run game, and exiting the playoff picture.  Great knowing you.  It would take you beating Oklahoma, and Auburn running the table for you to have a chance.  Fat chance.
6. Got a feeling there are many more bad details to come out of this Ray McDonald thing.
7. Women’s tennis player Li Na retired from tennis this week. Class act, two Grand Slams, and really brought her part of the world to the forefront in tennis.  Bad knee.  You will be missed, Li.
8. The line to return a Ray Rice jersey today was longer than iPhone lines. That is funny.  Or at least a funny thing we can take from this serious incident.
9. Way to alert the media, MLB, that you and the players are talking policy for domestic abuse. Nice headline.  It is pretty.
10. Seriously, we all just know at this point the NFL had that video, right? Just like we all know O.J. killed people?
11. BYU inducted Jim McMahon into their Hall of Fame. He held 70 passing records at one point for the NCAA.  Bad dude.  What I want to know is how did he make the COLLEGE Hall of Fame BEFORE he made one little school’s HOF?  Enter the square-rectangle argument.
12. Not explaining it. I quote the square-rectangle reference at least twice a week.
13. So, John Abraham decides he DOES have the “desire to play” still, comes back, and then gets put on the permanent IR because of failing concussion tests? Sounds like a long week.
14. LeBron and Cleveland are so silly. After getting his witness banner taken down when he went to Miami, today it got OK’d to put another 10 story banner up across from the arena.  Loved again.  LeBron, you are like the Pet Shop Boys.  You totally beat the system.
15. Stop harassing the students who ratted out Jameis Winston. He provided many more jokes.
16. Why is it a half game by the way? I think a full game would take out that chance he comes in and wins it in the second half and then does many more bad things.
17. Actually, not so bad. More Winston jokes.
18. I haven’t announced it yet, but I think Winston is on my Rant Squad team. I am waiting on a couple more votes from the committee.  They are waiting until AFTER the Clemson game.
19. Jeter’s My Way commercial is pretty tight I have to admit. Maybe it is just because he is using Sinatra for music.  I don’t know.  Initial thoughts is that it is dope.  Not sure.  Maybe cheesy dope.
20. Andrews will have chicks, man. Only took 260 years.
21. Chicks, man. The Soup is so funny.
22. I like the ESPN commercial where Calvin Johnson turns into a soda machine. That is funny.
23. So, Floyd Mayweather allows people in for “ALL ACCESS,” they film it, and now he has to go in front of a commission for “unsafe training conditions?” What did they not understand about all access?  I only read a few sentences of the article.  I should stop now.  It sounds silly though.
24. I am now sleeping well at night now that felon Michael Vick has announced publicly that Roger Goodell should not be fired. Thanks, Michael.  Keep living in that bubble that we care what anyone from your family says.
25. How is Marcus doing by the way? Guns, strippers, warrants?
26. I wonder if Jerome Simpson and Josh Gordon are hanging out right now. Or is Josh Gordon’s car sales job not done for the day yet?  Who is picking up the Cheetos?  Does Simpson have a key?
27. Can we officially call a guy getting pissed about a girl turning him down at sex “Dwyering?”
28. I appreciate that Ron Washington told us he was unfaithful to his wife and that is why he exited stage left in Texas. Can we get photos of the girl/ woman?  Did he pay for her?  Is he well hung?  Because the dude is not exactly striking I will tell you.  Ugly and old.  Kind of like Jim Furyk for the last 20 years.
29. You all AND I had no clue it has been 30 freaking years since Auburn beat a ranked team on the road. Trust me.  You didn’t know.  I didn’t either.
30. We would have said 10 and STILL thought it was a trick question.
31. I would like to thank the Falcons for not making me reach for the remote to hit “previous” any time after the first quarter.
32. I have to say I am getting irritated about once a week rolling into work at 730 (which is 30 minutes early to when we have to be there) and everyone asking why I am LATE.   God forbid if I went to work AT the time I should be there.
33. I like being early. You all aren’t there to bug me and ask me why I rolled in at that time.  First parking spot.  Don’t bother me when I sleep in one day.
34. There is a Big 12 commercial where they are proud about their “true” champion.   Get some divisions and play a final game.  It is irritating.  Or at least you acting like YOU are right.
35. I am too much in a rush to make up a joke about the Tech DC who was wandering around campus on drugs and then exited stage left, but you will do fine just chuckling on your own about it.
36. How is the stock of Farmersonly.com doing? I am noticing less commercials.  So, either they are now rich enough to be self-sufficient, or they are broke and on last gasp.
37. I really liked blogging at lunch twice this week in our work basement. Actually, I really enjoyed just taking lunch.  New to me.
38. I will post my consultant college picks tomorrow morning or later tonight if I like anything.
39. At one point this week, the first 7 stories on the wire were all bad things. Hardy, Dwyer, Rice/ Goodell, Winston, Peterson, Peterson’s mom (“not about abuse, but love”), Reggie Bush.  In between was Colin Kaepernick saying something bad and DeSean Jackson talking smack to the Eagles.
40. How the hell do we know what Winston said but have no idea what Kaepernick said? And how did the letter penalizing him $11k not even really say what he said?
41. Can we all agree DeSean Jackson should not talk.   If you can’t run, you can’t play.  You aren’t Kellen Winslow and this isn’t a Rocky movie.
42. NBA 2K 15 will have 3D faces. I once played Zork, which was in Dos and had no pictures or joystick.  These kids can do crazy shit.
43. I loved Zork so much. “Swing sword with right hand at dragon’s head.”  You typed it in.  No pictures.  Or how about COMBAT?  Two tanks on either side taking turns firing at each other.  Or the plane one from that game.  I was so good, I could fly the biplane totally within the cloud.  It had no function for beating the other person, but it was cool.
44. With Zork, it even had a sense of humor.  
45. Kids didn’t come over my house a lot to play my video games.
46. The Kemoeatu story is riveting and moving. Steelers-Ravens.  Older brother who is healthy quits football to give an organ to his younger brother.  Powerful stuff.  http://abcnews.go.com/US/ravens-player-maake-kemoeatu-donates-kidney-brother-chris/story?id=25598572
47. Deadspin is SO important in our lives. SO important.  And, if you hit these links, the BEST reading is the COMMENTS.  And, I am told by Mr. Royal and Logan that the comments this week are the best.  Here are my favorites from last day or two.  Dog with a boner being photogenic.  http://rabbithole.deadspin.com/boner-dog-is-super-conflicted-about-his-giant-dog-boner-1636435615
48. They love picking on Darren Rovall. http://deadspin.com/darren-rovell-cant-tell-a-two-from-a-five-1636540206
49. Dude walks out of a drinking competition but falls trying to leave. http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/bro-tries-to-haughtily-exit-drinking-competition-fails-1636055532
50. Just a really fast cyclist. http://deadspin.com/cyclist-jens-voigt-breaks-record-with-over-204-laps-in-1636580763
51. Model father. http://deadspin.com/cops-vols-fan-made-teen-son-drink-until-he-passed-out-1636612569
52. The happiest part of my work week was a leftover bagel basket with a PUMPERNICKEL bagel in it. You NEVER see pumpernickel.  I love pumpernickel.  It is underrated and left out from the big boys.  Pumpernickel is the Golden Eagle and Allosaurus of bagels.
53. Those references would take me another 15 minutes to explain. REGULAR readers get all my jokes.
54. Pumpernickel is SO good. You are missing out.
55. Anheuser Busch has a back out clause from this Rice/ NFL mess. The problem is that we all have to NOT watch football this week for them to prove one of the clauses.  Not happening.
56. I guarantee I will be putting out a blog BEFORE 6pm Mountain on Sunday. You know why.
57. I hope Kurt Warner makes the HOF. Not sure he should in all reality and stat wise, but I wouldn’t mind one more go around with the whole stock boy thing.
58. Bad Asses.   They basically turned down $120 million annually to NOT have sponsors on their jerseys.  I think that is a proud statement about WHO they are from the least watched league of the big four.
59. I am already tired of hearing about Welker’s comeback. And he is on the NATIONAL wire.  I am afraid to listen to the local Denver radio for too long at one time this week.
60. I would say the replacement for Chris Davis is doing just fine.
61. Telling it again. I am smiling right NOW DAYS later thinking about how Davis was suspended for 25 games for PED’s AND lifted a truck off a motorist.  LOVE it.  I can’t get enough.
62. If you care, someone is on it. Announcers said at this point in the season “Redskins” 186 times thus far.  This year?    I am there for your useless stats.  Tell your friends.
63. VERY cool small story about Sean Payton buying 100 jerseys from Bengals Devon Still. Still has a sick kid and profits go towards cancer.  That was dope, Payton.
64. If Coach K gets mad, I believe him.   No recruiting edge in coaching US team.
65. . (you would HAVE to though, right???)
66. SORRY, Coach K. My bad.  Just joking.
67. Maybe David Ash doesn’t have a concussion problem. Maybe he is having bad dreams about Eric Stryker destroying him on a blitz.
68. That wasn’t cool. Concussions are serious.  Sorry, David.  Just making a joke.  Thoughts and prayers.
69. Props to Devin Hester. Doing it with mentor in booth and ex-coach on other sideline?  Very cool.
70. Why did you let him go again, Chicago?
71. That is it. I have 15 minutes to edit before Lindsey gets home.  Hope you enjoyed or are at least more informed.  Will I blog tomorrow?  That is a CLOWN question, bro.